Read, listen, watch.

Read: Peggy and me by Miranda Hart

I love Miranda Hart, she is so funny and I can really connect with her sense of humour. I also love dogs, so a book written by Miranda Hart about Miranda Hart and her dog Peggy is an absolute (dog?) treat. It was a random pick from the library shelf, the choice made easier by the photograph of the dog on the front cover. It's witty and it's honest about the reality of dog ownership. Which involves a lot of poop. And even more joy. I really can't want to get my own pup next year and reading Peggy and me just made me more convinced that my life would hugely benefit from becoming a dog-owner.

Listen: BBC Radio 4

It is the only radio where I have found decent intelligent discussions rather than those annoying presenters who joke around all day and ask you what you had for breakfast and if you had any funny encounters with dogs recently. Every morning as I drive to work, Radio 4 gives me an opportunity to find out what is going on. I enjoy Women's Hour, A Good Read and even the Archers, though I'm sometimes confused by all the events in this programme, I don't follow it regularly enough. The Archers are a brilliant piece of entertainment for a long drive on Sunday morning.

Watch: The First

As I was waiting for a new episode of my all time favourite, Big Bang Theory, I've started watching The First, a series about the attempts to reach Mars. It's not easy to hold my attention for a prolonged period of time, but this drama somehow manages and I don't even look at my phone while watching! Full presence throughout, broken only by an excessive number of 4 minute ad breaks on Channel 4. By the way, it's surprising how much you can do in 4 minutes! And I mean beyond going to the loo and making another cup of tea. Bills can be paid, laundry folded and put away, rooms hoovered. Possibilities are endless.

Write: My Master's thesis

I'm knee-deep in my literature review, it's not in a coherent state yet, but I'm getting there. Am I the only person who does not write extended pieces of writing in a logical order? I tend to jump around the different sections, adding a few paragraphs here and there. It might just be the result of my disorganised thinking process, but I just get bored writing about the same issue for more than a couple of hours. Need to switch things up to keep the flow.

Coping with shorter and colder months.

What?!

I've checked weather on my phone the other day and was shocked to see what time sun rise and sun set actually were at this time of the year. I leave house around 6:30 am each morning and get back at around 5, maybe 5:30 pm so in these colder months I barely see sunlight except short bursts at break time when I need to go outside to pick up my students for the next class. Other than that, however, I don't get a chance to enjoy the little sunshine we get in winter months. This, coupled with colder weather (although it has been rather mild most of the time this year), can really make it a challenge to go about your daily life: from getting out of bed in the morning, through going about your daily responsibilities, to staying healthy and relaxing with purpose.

I've put together a short guide to what you can do make winter months a little more bearable.

Wake up light

This is a life-saver. I can honestly recommend using wake up lights in the winter months when you wake up only to discover that it's still dark outside. I was gifted mine by Mr Magic and it's honestly the best present I ever got. It's the third winter I'm using it and usually after a few weeks I don't even need the sound anymore, the light alone wakes me up. I pack it up in spring and put at the bottom of my wardrobe ready for next winter. There's loads of those wake up lights out there now, I think the one I have is about £90, it's a lot of money, but as I said, worth every penny (or maybe you can suggest it as a Christmas gift?). If you're struggling to get out of bed in winter, it's definitely a great option.

Flavoured tea

I don't usually drink flavoured tea, but it's really nice to try some new stuff in winter to warm you up from the inside. I've had chocolate flake tea which was really good, apple and cinnamon is also one of my winter favourites. There is something very comforting in drinking something else than ordinary breakfast tea or even earl grey.

Cosy socks

I have a bunch of cosy wool blend socks in my drawer which are perfect for long winter evenings. My favourite ones were bought in Estonia last year. They have a lovely pattern and are so warm! I struggle keeping my hands and feet warm most of the time, so having nice cosy socks is absolutely essential. I don't often wear socks because I mostly wear skirts and dresses so tights are what I usually wear, but I actually have a completely separate winter socks collection for when ordinary cotton socks are not enough.

Gratitude

I feel like this word is being thrown around a lot, but being grateful can really make a difference to even the coldest of days when life seems to be too much. Each evening I thank God for specific things that happened that day (you can read about my praying routine here). It is a good practice to reflect on all the good things that happened to you. Even the smallest of things. I sometimes just thank God for the food that I've eaten or the time I had to read a book. On other days it might be something more special. In any case, practising gratitude helps me to keep a healthy perspective on things, to remember the positive aspects of my life.

Sunday Special: Prepare the way of the Lord.

It's interesting that preparing brings to my mind words such as hurry, to do list, busy, overwhelmed. How different preparing for the Lord is. I am convinced that God wants us to carve out moments of silence and peace in our lives so that we can met Him away from the noise of our hectic lives. 

I've been prayerfully reading the Bible much more and finding more moments of stillness during the day. It brings me so much comfort to be able to slow down and spend time sitting in the presence of the Lord. No special acts are necessary. Just pay attention.

I often run around like a headless chicken, trying to have it all, do it all. Clean the house, get the groceries, purchase Christmas gifts, catch up with friends, mark end of term assessments, plan the last 20 odd lessons, sort out my finances, car maintenance... There is so much that clutters my mind towards the end of the year. I need to make a conscious effort to carve out a chunk of time dedicated for expanding my heart. Only in this way I can prepare for the Lord. Or at least try to prepare.

I'm not convinced that I would be completely ready for Christmas. It's such a massive task to change your heart. It takes years, not weeks. But this Advent I have an opportunity to prepare my heart through time spent in quiet prayer. This has already shone such a bright light on so many areas of my life. In so many ways I've become more compassionate, more patient, more positive (although it might not always show). Most importantly, I feel so loved and I know I have my Father in Heaven and He will keep me in all the ups and downs of my life. I just need to let Him enter.

Below is an inspiring video filmed for last year's Advent. Incredible message delivered by a joyful sister.

Thoughtful gift-giving.

We're in the season of buying. There was Halloween, Black Friday, Cyber Monday, now Christmas shopping is in the full swing. It seems that there is always some occasion for which we should buy stuff. Or at least that's what all the companies want us to believe.

I am not crazy about receiving or giving gifts, it's not my love language and I find that actually spending time with somebody or doing some act of service for them is much more meaningful. However, I think there is beauty in giving gifts if they are personal and thought-through. I hate receiving generic gifts (and the same goes for any greeting cards, what is the point if you just sign your name under a pre-printed one-line message?). But I really appreciate if somebody gives me something that adds value to my life, makes it more efficient or just really speaks to me because it shows that the person really thought about me when buying the gift. I also love to give gifts when I know it will make another person smile and enrich their life in one way or another.

A caveat is necessary here. All gift-giving should be done without an expectation of getting anything in return. Sometimes a conversation might be needed. I know a lot of us feel obliged to give back to people who gift us, but gift-giving is not about obliging others to spend money on you. They might not have the means to. They might simply not want to and this is fine. Gift-giving is about opening our hearts up unconditionally and showing that we care about the person we are gifting to, that we appreciate them. Coercing somebody to give you a gift back has nothing to do with truly thoughtful gift-giving.

Thoughtful giving

My first suggestion is then to consider the receiver of the gift. What do they like? What do they need? What would make them happy? Different gifts will be appropriate for different people. Young parents might want to have some time for just each other, so maybe offer an evening of babysitting. A music fan will enjoy Spotify subscription, a book worm might want a special edition of their favourite book.

Secondly, think about gifting consumables and experiences rather than physical stuff. Ever since I started decluttering my possessions and simplifying my life, I really don't like getting gifts that will take up space in my home. I like to get food, tea, ethical beauty products, theatre tickets, spa vouchers anything that I can use up and have fun doing it. Museum pass might be an idea. Even better if you can make the gift yourself. Maybe a jar of delicious home-made cookies.

And if physical gifts are what you decide to go for, think of something practical. I remember one year my mum got a washing machine for her birthday and I was not impressed with dad at all, but I grew to appreciate such gifts, especially now that I have my own place. If a new kettle is something your friend needs, just get them the kettle. They will be eternally thankful and will think of you every time they make a cup of tea. I think so often we are caught up with an idea that gifts must be something special in a sense of not an everyday item, that we forget that people will rejoice at getting an item that they actually need but just never seem to have time to get round to buying. Like new underwear. Or a new tablecloth. Ask what they were meaning to buy for a long time and get it for your loved one.

Finally, the most valuable gift you can give is your time and undivided attention. No gift can make up for you being constantly busy, short tempered and stressed about about buying gifts. Being truly present over the Christmas period is might be the best present. Maybe it's the time to say 'You know what, we are not going to do gifts this year. Instead, we will cook together, sing carols, play board games. We are going to go for a long walk on Christmas day and just really enjoy being together'. Maybe it's the time.

Sunday Special: Expand my heart.

In anticipation of Jesus's coming this Christmas, this Advent I'm asking God to expand my heart.

I'm at a place in my life when it is so easy to push some people away. Especially at work with so many difficulties. The children are very challenging and it is so easy to push those who cause me so much trouble away. Ignore them, stop caring. But the Lord calls me so clearly not to give up on them. To expand my heart to include every single of the children I encounter, regardless of how difficult they are.

When I was praying the other day it occurred to me that these children need to be loved so much. All their acting out is a call for attention. I know that some of their home life is just terrible. Broken families, abuse, unpredictability, lack of emotional support. When I see those children I often wonder why they are so unpleasant. But it's really quite simple. They don't feel loved, there is very little sense of worth in so many of them.

This Advent I want to have a more open heart to the people I encounter. To the children I teach, my coworkers, strangers who I meet on my errands, my loved ones. Have more patience for them, more love, more kindness. I want to make more time for acts of service as opposed to thinking about myself. I want to expand my heart in everyday situations. Nothing grand needs to happen.

This Advent I want to approach the ordinary with extraordinary openness of my heart. How can I prepare myself for the coming of Christ if I am not prepared for the encounter with my neighbour? But of course I need grace to be able to do it. So my prayer now is focused on asking for the Lord to enter into my heart to expand it beyond what I think is possible.

Make my heart like unto Thine, Jesus.

Land of deliciousness.

So that it doesn't look like I despise the entire British cuisine, I'm following up the post from last week (you can read it here) with this list of delicious foods that I have discovered after moving to the UK. And there is a bunch of those! 

Trifle is by far my favourite dessert. I still haven't got the guts to try making it myself, but I've been known to eat the entire 6-serving bowl all on my own. I wouldn't recommend it, it might make you sick. But this is as much as I love trifle. For those of you who are not familiar with this concept, trifle is three layers of deliciousness: sponge, fruit and custard topped up with whipped cream.

On a similar note, I absolutely adore rhubarb crumble. I love the the combination of rather tart rhubarb which melts in a mouth with a sweet and a little crisp topping. It takes minutes to assemble and I really enjoy it topped with cream. Or custard. Though I think I prefer cream, it adds an extra flavour which is not purely sweet. It's a shame really that rhubarb is in season for such a short time, I can never get enough rhubarb when it's around.

Baked beans are a controversial one here. I know many people who have rather strong feelings about them. As far as I'm concerned, baked beans are a staple in my kitchen cupboards. Delicious for breakfast, can be easily turned into a quick dinner if need be. I love the convenience of those little tins.

Mr Magic got me a selection of cheeses for birthday a couple of years ago and I loved stilton, especially paired with almond and cherry toast. Apparently stilton is the king of English cheeses and I'm ready to believe that. Blue cheeses are not everybody's thing, but stilton is amazing, superior to gorgonzola in my opinion. I would happily eat it on its own as an afternoon snack.

Here it is then, I told you English cuisine is not all grim and unappealing. There are so many things that I've grown used to over the years. What is your favourite English food?

Sunday Special: The Little Flower: St Therese of Lisieux.

My first closer encounter with St Therese took place after my grandmother died. In her collection of religious items was an old medal with the image of St Therese. It was rusty and the face of Therese was lacking its former beauty. I carried the medal with me everywhere, to the point that it has disappeared just after my interview at Oxford. I remember dad jokingly saying "She has done her job, so now she's gone", but I was devastated at the loss of one of very few keepsakes. It took year before Mr Magic finally found a worthy replacement. 

Therese lived in France and joined the Carmelites in Lisieux when she was 15, after petitioning the Pope himself to let her join the convent being so young. St Therese had a short life, she died at only 24. Her life was not glamorous, but she grew to appreciate the smallest of things and it was her great charism to show love on every step of the way.

I prefer the monotony of obscure sacrifice to all ecstasies.

I've become really fond of Little Therese and she has been present in my life on a regular basis. What I like about her is her focus on the simplicity of the way to sainthood. She doesn't call for grand deeds. She's all about everyday little sacrifices. Doing the dishes. Going out of your way to get something for an ill friend. Always having a smile for a passer-by. Being there in the middle of the night for your loved one. Letting another driver in front of your car. Giving a seat up for somebody on a train. No heroic acts of virtue!

What is amazing is that St Therese was designated as the Doctor of the Church. There are only two other female saints with this title: St Catherine of Siena and St Theresa of Avila. What these women have in common is the desire to become close to God and to draw others closer to Him through their unceasing commitment to do His will in their daily circumstances. They submitted themselves completely to the will of God and really stuck with it through any difficulties.

Therese was so extraordinary in her total ordinariness. I sometimes want to do something fabulous for the glory of God. Become a missionary, run a parish prayer group, organise wonderful worship. Instead, I struggle to pray, I am short-tempered and often bored in church. Therese brings me a message of hope: the ordinary can be as holy as the experiences of mystics:

Jesus deigned to teach me this mystery. He set before me the book of nature. I understood how all the flowers He has created are beautiful, how the splendor of the rose and the whiteness of the lily do not take away the perfume of the little violet or the delightful simplicity of the daisy. I understood that if all the flowers wanted to be roses, nature would lose her springtime beauty, and the fields would no longer be decked out with little wildflowers. 

And so it is in the world of souls, Jesus’ garden. He willed to create great souls comparable to lilies and roses, but He has created smaller ones and these must be content to be daises or violets destined to give joy to God’s glances when He looks down at His feet. Perfection consists in doing His Will, in being what He wills us to be.

 The message of St Therese of Lisieux is the message of Love. Our lives will be transformed if take seriously the call to serve one another with a smile. The glory of God shines on us in the ordinary. 

Land of culinary disappointments.

I love this country, but England is not on the top of my list for good food. When we travel, an Italian place is usually a safe culinary choice. Pizza and pasta are delicious. "Traditional English food" is not something I would be naturally attracted to. And this is because I have experienced so many culinary disappointments here! More so than in any other place where I spent an extended period of time. Here they are, in no particular order.

Tea

British people drink 165 million cups of tea each day. Before moving to the UK, I thought it was a land of delicious tea. I couldn't be more wrong. Most tea drunk at homes around the country is nothing more than a bag of powdered leaves with no taste whatsoever. It's only when I started buying more upscale tea that I could truly enjoy a cuppa. 

Fish and chips

This was another great disappointment, regardless where I eat, be it a chippy a pub or a restaurant, there is always too much batter on the fish and the chips are no good. I'm not sure why people religiously visit fish and chips shops on Friday nights rather than opt for something more tasty and more nutritious.

Bread

Most of bread in Poland is delicious and there is so much variety that is readily available in every bakery. Here, sliced toast bread is everywhere and I hate it. It has no taste, it doesn't hold any shape and there is no nutritional value in this bread. Thankfully, many places now sell sourdough and different types of bread which are actually nice. Even packed Polish bread sold in some supermarkets is better, with plenty of seeds and dense texture. And you can learn to make bread. I made a few attempts at making buttermilk soda bread. Delicious!

Sausages

I don't eat meat anymore, but when I did. sausages were a big disappointment. I couldn't really taste any meat at all in them. Just a blended mass of something gray. Even sausages from the butcher's are not amazing most of the time. I was generally not that keen on processed meats of any kind here.

Bread and butter pudding
This last one is a disappointment, because it such a hit and miss.I had some really tasty bread and butter puddings and some extremely stodgy and excessively sweet blocks of stale bread. Not impressive. Maybe I should try making it myself.

I feel like I need to follow this post up next week with all the delicious food that I only discovered when I moved to England. And there are many dishes that I enjoy. So stay tuned for next week.

Sunday Special: Restless heart: St Augustine of Hippo.

In my struggle with sin, bad habits and vices continues each day, but the story of St Augustine inspires me on my way of holiness. He was a thief, had an affair, fathered a child outside of wedlock, abandoned the faith to Gnosticism. He has famously recorded his prayer “Grant me chastity and continence . . . but not yet.” and I can 100% identify with this attitude of wanting to do something about my spiritual growth. But just not at this moment, not today.

This is probably why St Augustine speaks to me so much. His history resembles so much of my life. Augustine was brought up in a respectable family, he was a learned man with a truly devout mother, St Monica. And yet he got lost. He got engrossed in the life of drink and sex, completely lot the sense of what was right or wrong. His heart was restless, always looking for being filled up with something, but never being satisfied. 

“Thou hast formed us for Thyself, and our hearts are restless till they find rest in Thee.” (Augustine, Confessions (Book 1)

 

It has taken Augustine many many years to realise that nothing can fulfill him but God Himself. Coming to the knowledge of God may take time and not be straightforward at all. I like Augustine because he is not one of the polished saints who wanted to reach heaven from a very young age. I could never fully identify fully with such saints. But Augustine had his struggles just the way I did. He resisted the call to conversion just as I did. He eventually finally realised that God should be at the centre of his life, just as I did.

Augustine was instrumental in the development of the doctrine of the original sin. Human heart is weak and prone to falling away from its Creator. The only way to stand up to sin is to totally depend on the grace of God for the gift of salvation. As St Paul writes in the Letter to the Hebrews, Jesus made a one and final sacrifice for our sanctification. We will struggle with our will every day, but the consolation is that we have the reinforcements coming down from Heaven, helping us to make better choices today than we made yesterday, helping us to be more charitable, more patient, more willing to serve others.

If ever you struggle with a particular sin, think of St Augustine who turned his life around and became one of the most important theologians and philosophers of his age. Nothing is impossible to God.

Sunday Special: The Apostle of Mercy: St Faustina Kowalska

God has a strange way of choosing those seemingly least suited for the task of giving others the message of His glory and goodness. Like this Polish nun.

Faustina was born into a poor family of twelve. She completed only three classes of primary school before starting to work various jobs as a housekeeper and a childminder. She strongly desired to enter a convent, but faced rejection after rejection. Her parents did not support the idea and multiple religious congregations that Faustina approached refused to accept her because of her insufficient material resources.

Once she saved up enough money, Faustina joined The Congregation of the Sisters of Our Lady of Mercy. She had many mystic visions of Christ, all of which she has written down in her Diary, on the advice of her confessor. It wasn't an easy experience for her. Initially, there have been doubts about how genuine Faustina was, she was examined by a psychiatrist and also suffered greatly from tuberculosis.

What I find amazing about Faustina is that we have received such a wealth of spirituality from a simple woman. The theology of Divine Mercy has been a source of hope, inspiration for many people in the last few decades. The Divine Mercy Image is one of my favourite. Jesus is dressed in a white garment and two rays of light come out of His Heart: signifying the Blood and the Water flowing out of Jesus' side after His death on the cross. Mercy is the greatest attribute of God. At the feet of Jesus, there is an inscription "Jesus, I trust in You." This attitude of trust is the very centre of the devotion to Divine Mercy. Trust can be demonstrated in a variety of ways: not despairing in difficult times, following the Commandments, living out the Beatitudes, living a life of prayer and showing mercy towards others. Faustina lived all of these out, without complaining about all the obstacles that she faced, always trusting in God's plan and unceasingly glorifying Him through spreading the good news of God's infinite mercy.

Eternal Father, I offer You the Body and Blood,
Soul and Divinity of Your dearly beloved Son, Our Lord Jesus Christ,
in atonement for our sins and those of the whole world.

"Apart from the mercy of God there is no other source of hope for mankind" John Paul II

Decisions, decisions.

I need to make some serious life decisions in the coming weeks. I have no brain space for trivial matters.

~~~

I reckon I make about 500+ decisions in a day. Maybe more, given that I'm a teacher and I constantly need to decide how to respond to pupil interactions in my classroom. The problem is that my ability to make good decisions is easily depleted. So the key is to minimise the number of decisions I need to make each day.

Ever since I've decluttered my wardrobe, my mornings involve much less decisions, because I don't have piles and piles of clothes to get through in order to pick my outfit. In fact, I often plan it the previous evening. I have the same morning routine every day, wake up at the same time, bathroom, make a cup of tea, take lunch out of the fridge, eat breakfast, get dressed, brush my teeth, get out of the house. Same every day, I don't even need to think about it. I usually mak a big batch of food on a Sunday so that I can just take it to work for lunch without worrying what to eat. I make a rough meal plan for the week so that I don't have to come up with ideas for dinners.

As for my daily activities, I write down what I need to do when I get to work in the morning so that I have a productive hour without wasting time for making choices. Time at work is structured, but what happens in the classroom can be unpredictable, so I need all the energy I can get to respond to anything that might happen in the classroom. Like children trying to turn tables upside down or throwing bits of glue around. All these require me to be super alert and able to make quick decisions. So I come in in the morning with a clear idea what needs printing, what needs marking, which books need to be on the desks. And I have routines for the school day as well. At break time, I lay out the books for the next class, set up everything on my laptop for the next two periods of the day and I have my snack. Every day is the same. I know exactly what to do and how to do it, no need to think to much.

I know that some people might say that it is sad and that there doesn't seem to be any spontaneity in my life, but actually I found that because I've pre-made so many decisions, I have more energy and time for being spontaneous when I feel like it. And I actually really like structure. It gives me a sense of security and lets me really focus on what matters. Like taking time to do my MA or to make better lesson plans or engage with professional development. Time is precious. If I can make a decision about something trivial once a week or once a month instead of every day, I'm going to do it, no doubt about it.

Sunday Special: The Persistent Saint: St Rita of Cascia.

This Sunday, I want to launch a series of Sunday Specials about my favourite saints. Throughout the ages there has been thousands of holy men and women who carried the light of Christ to all people around them. I hope that one day, together with all of you, I shall join them in Heaven in an unceasing celebration of God's love. To get there, we have a score of saints to be our models and to guide us on the journey through their wisdom and example.

~~~

My first encounter with St Rita was about six or seven years ago. I've met up with a writer to talk about studying abroad and it turned out that she was an author of a book about the life of and devotion to St Rita. I instantly fell in love with this saint.

St Rita was born in 1367 and her story is absolutely incredible. She wanted to join a religious community, but her parents wished her to marry, so she humbly submitted to their wishes. The match with Ferdinand Mancini was not an easy one: her husband was said to be hotheaded. Initially Rita tried to confront this difficult temperament, but with time she simply resolved to pray fervently for a change in her husband. Rita gave birth to two sons who inherited their father's tendency to get into arguments. Ferdinand was murdered following one of many conflicts between the local political clans and his sons wanted revenge. Rita prayed that her boys might not become murderers. The story is that the boys died in a plague before they could carry out any of their murderous plans.

Rita found consolation in prayer and sought to enter an Augustinian convent in Cascia. However, time after time, her requests to join the community were rejected. Finally, after many attempts and after facilitating a reconciliation between her family and the family of Ferdinand's murders, she was allowed to start her religious life.

Her life in the convent was full of acts of penance. Rita spent days considering the Passion of Christ and said "Please let me suffer like you, Divine Saviour." She received stigmata as a response to her prayer: a wound appeared on her forehead, as if a thorn from Christ's crown has pierced her. The wound never healed and caused Rita severe pain that she bore with patience, always offering it up in prayer.

Miracles followed Rita's death immediately. Rita's body is still incorrupt today, it can be seen in a glass coffin in the basilica in Cascia. My dream is to make a pilgrimage to Italy and visit the basilica there. St Rita is is considered a patron of impossible causes and is often depicted with a rose. This is a reference to a story from her monastic times. One day in January, Rita asked another sister to go to the garden and bring her a rose. Surprisingly, and against all odds, the sister returned with a beautiful rose.

St Rita is remembered in the Church on May 22nd.

O God, Who in Thine infinite tenderness hast vouchsafed to regard the prayer of Thy servant, Blessed Rita, and dost grant to her supplication that which is impossible to human foresight, skill and efforts, in reward of her compassionate love and firm reliance on Thy promise, have pity on our adversity and succor us in our calamities, that the unbeliever may know Thou art the recompense of the humble, the defense of the helpless, and the strength of those who trust in Thee, through Jesus Christ, Our Lord. Amen.

Juggling a Master's and a full-time job.

What a lovely way to spend a Saturday. Grocery shopping, putting together an IKEA storage system and spending hours reading educational journals.

Doing a masters degree is a challenge. Doing it while working full time is even more challenging.

I've done my PGCE while working, but it was very different: I didn't have a full teaching timetable at the time and my life was much less demanding in general. I've started my two-year part time course last year and I can already say that this year is much more challenging. I work more hours this year and I have very limited time that I can actually commit to focused for on my thesis.

By next September, I have to have my thesis completed regardless of work circumstances, however, so I had to quickly find ways of making it work. Part of it is simple organisation, part of it letting go of my ideas what studying should look like.

And so I've created a schedule. I love planning, so it was was an easy task for me. The key is to be both realistic and specific about what needs to be done. By Christmas, I should have my literature review ready (ha ha ha), but it is not a specific enough goal to have. So I broke it down into manageable weekly tasks: reading specific articles, books, calling my supervisor etc. It is not a perfect schedule and will evolve with time, but it gives me some structure to begin with.

Now I've also created a home office in the spare bedroom so that I have space dedicated exclusively to working, be it school work or MA work. I don't have a massive need to have a special room for work, I live on my own so I don't have many distractions here (bar a cupboard full of delicious tea and chocolate), but sitting in my little office puts me in the work mindset straight away.

Finally, I had to accept that whole day study sessions are not likely to happen this year. I might manage to spend a couple of days over half terms working on the thesis, but on the whole, it will be just using these little pockets of time here and there. I need to find my own rhythm. I usually have a little bit of time in the evening between dinner time and relaxation, so I use that time to read an article or think about my ideas (I sit around thinking a lot. And talking to myself). But this is probably my biggest struggle at the moment. I'm used to long stretches of time dedicated to studying or writing and I don't get many of those now. But the only way to do it is to make it work.

I must say I have a love-hate relationship with this Masters programme: it's yet another thing that I need to do think about and schedule into the week, but at the same time I really enjoy reading articles and learning about new perspectives on the Mathematics curriculum. I know that this is probably the best time to do it, before my careers becomes even more demanding and before I become a mother; and I will benefit immensely from it in terms of my professional and personal development. But for all of you out there thinking about studying part time and working full time at the same time: it's not  piece of cake. But you can do it with plenty of cake at hand.

Enough, back to juggling now. :)

Sunday Special: To tithe or not to tithe?

Let's talk money today. And in particular about money given to the Church.

Under the Mosaic Law, the Israelites had to pay around 20%-30% of their income in tithe. There appear to have been three different kinds of tithe, paid in different places, for different purposes and in different amounts. The New Testament, on the other hand, does not suggest that tithing remains the obligation for the members of the Christian community. St Paul is his letters ephasises the need to give freely, and he does say that this does not have the force of a commandment (2 Cor 8:8).

Apparently Catholics are one of the least generous communities in terms of giving money to the Church. Other Christian denominations seems to be much more inclined to part with their money to support evangelisation and other works of their congregations. I wonder whether this is because the Catholic Church is seen as a large institution, whereas protestant churches, for instance, are usually single congregations without ties to large organisations?

If you follow my blog regularly, you would have seen that I'm in the process of reorganising my finances. This also applies to the money I give to the Church. I have a fixed amount I offer during collection on a Sunday each week. It's important for me since this money supports my parish directly. At the end of the day, electricity and heating bills needs to be paid, bread and wine need to be bought for Mass celebrations.

However, charity obliges to look after the poor and the needy around us. This is why I try to support the local food bank. So many families around here rely on food from donations. I'm yet to establish a regular pattern of donating, but I find it to be more meaningful than placing coins in the church basket. Charitable giving is something that I consider an important part of living out my faith. Give bread to the hungry and drink to the thirsty. It might be neither practical nor efficient to do it on individual basis (though there is time and place for it as well), but there are so many organisations that do wonderful work with those in need.

Everything belongs to God, and we only have stewardship of our resources.

I often worry about money, whether there is enough of it to cover all the expenses, to pay the bills and buy food. This sometimes makes me reluctant to suport the Church and the community. Yet God really calls me to less attachment to money. Every time I open my purse and give generously, God gives me tenfold more.

My resolution for the coming months is to become more generously and thoughtful in my giving. Have more discipline so that I have a regular pattern of giving rather than giving only when I feel guilty for not doing it often enough.

My answer to the question whether to tithe or not is to be generous in sharing your money and time with those around you: set a fixed amount of money aside each month and distribute it across different organisations according to what your heart tells you. For me this is my parish church, the local food bank and a number of charities that I support in the run-up to Christmas (Operation Christmas Child) and during Lent (CAFOD). Take time to volunteer if possible or to have a chat with your neighbour. I think we forget that time is probably our most precious resource and there are so many opportunities to give it generously for the good of others.

I would really encourage you to consider supporting the work of the church or local charities with your time and money. Christmas is approaching fast: maybe you could pack a shoe box for a child in need. It's my second year of getting involved with this project and it has brought me much joy.

Cash only.

I was so excited when I got my new bank card with contactless. A whole new world opened up before me: the world of quick purchases without entering my pin for minor spending.

Then I got a credit card to build up my credit score.

I thought that I was happily moving towards completely cashless living. No scrambling around for lose change anymore. Quick transactions only.

But recently, I've actually become increasingly reliant on cash. I would take out a specific amount each week and use to for paying for groceries, petrol, coffee, shoe repairs, hairdresser. Some purchases would still need to be done digitally, like most of my utility bills, mortgage repayments, council tax and an odd online purchase, but the vast majority of the time, I would just use the physical money in my wallet.

I do it for a number of reasons. First of all, it came about as a money management tool. I try to live frugally and it is much easier to do so when I'm using cash. I can literally see how money dwindles in my purse. Using cash makes me a more intentional spender, because I an only spend as much as I have in my purse. The budget is truly limited. A side benefit of this was less food waste as I bought less groceries. I also spend less, because I'm a much more savvy shopper, looking for deals and discounts on items I need to buy.

Secondly, using cash really kills impulse purchases and emotional spending. It literally hurts to part with physical money. Parting with hard-earned cash is much more difficult then tapping a card. I've discovered a completely different level of attachment to money while trying to use cash only. By this I mean a deeper understanding that I've worked for this money and I want to buy things that really enrich my life in some way. A cheap decorative item, a not so flattering shirt or a cream-filled doughnut won't do. Again, intentionality is the key here.

My next step on the journey of being better with money is to get to grips with the cash envelope system of a sort. At the moment I have just one pot of cash for all outgoings. I would like to divide my cash into specific categories of spending so that I can see clearly how much I spend on each of these and direct any potential spare change into my savings account. It's all very well to withdraw £50 for the weekend in London, but how much of it goes towards travel, how much towards drinks and how much towards eating out? I think it will be quite revealing and will lighten the burden of tracking individual purchases, something that I do at the moment. I'm not so much interested how much I spend in individual terms, but I am very much interested how much I spend in general terms on groceries, eating out or clothing.

Financial institutions want to sell us the idea that cards are the way forward, but I still see the benefits of using cash to become a more conscious consumer.

Make time.

I've been working ridiculously long hours last week (again!) and it felt that I was never quite up to date with anything. Dishes have been piling up in the sink, laundry basket was overflowing, the kitchen floor was covered with crumbs and the freezer got completely wiped out of emergency food supplies.

I didn't have time to read, to exercise, to pray, to think. I would do with an extra hour or two in a day.

But that obviously is not going to happen, so I've been thinking really hard how to make time for the things that matter.

My time is taken up by a lot of work responsibilities, family affairs, household duties, hobbies, social  commitments and faith related activities. All of these might be good in themselves, but it is not possible to do everything. It is not possible to attend to all the aspects of my life with the same care and devotion. So I am at the stage where I really want to pare down to the activities that are truly important to me. Things that will help me to flourish and become a better person.

Now that I decluttered my physical possessions, the time has come to declutter my diary. I made a list of activities I want to take time to do, how long they take and how often I want to make time for them. The list is not extensive. A few daily activities, a few weekly ones. It turned out there is not a great number of things I want to spend my time on. And yet I never seem to have enough time, because I don't prioritise these things over all other demands on my time.

I need to be more intentional about how I spend my time. Less procrastinating and watching youtube videos. More reading good book, praying and talking to my family. Less marking until late, more exercising.

At the end of the day, life is so short. I want to spend it doing worthwhile things. I need to make time for what brings me joy and fulfillment.

Sunday Special: Do I trust?

I'v had some really difficult time at work recently. Working in a challenging context is both physically and emotionally exhausting and I wasn't quite prepared for it.

Now that I've managed to rest a little and think about the past weeks, I've realised how little I trusted that God will deliver me from all the troubles. That He will be the source of strength and inspiration, and that He will not abandon me.

the Lord God is my strength and my song,
and he has become my salvation. Isaiah 12:2

I'm a fatalist and I see the world in very black and white terms. It's either absolutely fabulous or it's  total disaster. Nothing in between. It's really exhausting to deal with problems when your brain is wired in this way. Yet faith calls me to turn away from despair and turn towards the One who holds the entire world in His hands.

When my strength is failing

When my patience is running out

When my mind wants to run away

When I don't see the way out

When I'm panicking

When I'd rather be anywhere else

When everything seems 

faith calls me to trust, completely and without reservations.

I seem to be writing about trust a lot and this is probably because I have such a huge issue with trust. It is a product of my upbringing, life experiences, my choices and life circumstances, but it is there and I need to learnt to deal with it. 

God said that He would never abandon me, that He would never fail. He's a good, good father.

I need to develop a habit of looking up to heaven when I feel like I'm sinking. To offer everything up and don't try to single-handedly change the whole world. I can't. He can.

Autumn favourites.

September has come and gone, now we're in the month of October when leaves start turning into all shades of orange, yellow and red, fall off the trees and shorter days mean that I can spend more time wrapped in my blanket reading books. Today I want to share with you some of my Autumn favourites: things I really enjoyed, found helpful or that simply enriched my life in one way or another.

The Canterbury Tales a retelling by Peter Ackroyd.

Written in the 14th century in Middle English, this beautiful work of literature is retold using modern language, without using any of the grace of the writing. It's such an interesting window into the life and mindset of people of that time: by the looks of it, a mindset filled with fear of sexual infidelity, the tension between the spiritual and the corporal, and the interest in ancient mythology. I thoroughly enjoyed all 25 stories in the gathered by Chaucer, laughed at many and got moved by others. Highly recommended for everyone who needs a very different book than most of novels around.

Loose leaf tea

I stopped buying teabags and I am so enjoying brewing loose leaf tea. It might be less convenient, but the taste is amazing each time, so much better than any other teabag tea I've had. I've just purchased another batch of different types of teas, earl grey, chamomile, peppermint, english breakfast and popcorn tea to fill up my containers. Making my tea now is like a celebration and a leisure activity. Such joy!

Neutral flats

I don't usually buy shoes in any colour other than black, occasionally navy, but I bought a pair of neutral pink flats from Ecco so that I have some school shoes (killed the ballerinas from last year, holes in the soles and all) and I am very pleased with them. I was initially skeptical about wearing light-coloured shoes, bu I've covered it with protective spray and it hasn't been raining, so they still look great, even after days and days of intense wearing round the school. These flats are such a nice addition to my wardrobe. They took a couple of weeks to get really comfy, but they go with everything and are very light, so I hope they last until the summer. I do wreck shoes quickly, because I have so few they get used almost every day.

DIY deodorant

Made from coconut oil, cornstarch, baking soda and a few drops of essential oil, this DIY deodorant works so well, I'm not ever going back to a store bought one. I made it out of necessity as I run out and didn't have time to pop to the shops. Smells lovely (I've added lemongrass oil) and keeps me nice and fresh all day long. It's a definite keeper. It might be a little unusual to make your own toiletries, but in search for more sustainable and more affordable life, I've found that I can really pare down the personal products I use.

Wednesdays
Mr Magic has been coming down for Wednesday and it's so good to get back from work and have your loved one waiting for you and cooking food. Midweek can sometimes be horrible, with tiredness kicking in and weekend not yet in sight. You still have so much to do and only a couple of days to go. Having something to look forward to on a Wednesday is wonderful for my wellbeing and it helps me with work-life balance which hasn't been great so far. It's a weekly treat, a space to pause and breathe. I cannot put in long hours of work in the evening when Mr Magic is here, so I switch off my work-mode more easily than on a normal week night.

Monthly planner
I've shared my planning routine with you before, but I've realised that weekly spread does not work that well for me and now I just use the monthly pages. I don't have many appointments during the week beyond things that are not time sensitive, so I don't need all the space for putting activities and times in. My planner ended up looking rather sad some weeks when I only got to work and the only extra thing on my schedule was hoovering. Now I write down the most important appointments and schedule in house activities on two pages rather than on eight different ones for each month.  I got my monthly planner for 2019 already and I'm going to purchase some stickers also to go with it, this is super exciting. Look out for a planning update early next year.

There has been many more things I really enjoyed in the past month, including baking, bits and bobs of diy, reading many books and looking after my plants. Life has been busy, but it has been good.  Heating is on after a sudden drop in temperature. I'm buying a dishwasher to make my life more convenient and to save time. We've been planning New Year's trip. Another three weeks until the half term. And there's a lot of cake on the horizon.

Dealing with changes.

A couple of months ago I made a move to a completely new place. I have a new job. I am (slowly) making new friends. I have a new rhythm of life in so many different ways. I don't wake up at 5am anymore, for instance. 

Changes are stressful. Even those planned changes that you have anticipated for months. Changes that have been meticulously considered and planned are still stressful. I am not so good with change. This is somewhat ironic, given the frequency with which I've been changing where I lived. I suppose I must have developed some tactics o help me dealt with changes. To make those frequent changes not so scary and not so painful.

1. Have a constant.

It can be a person, a thing, a place. For me, my parents and Mr Magic provide such a constant. They are always just on the other side of the phone line. I can always turn to them for comfort and advice. In this funny period between moving away from old friends and meeting new one, they provide me with all the love and attention I need.

2. Develop routines. Quickly.

Changes might mean that your old routines need to change too. But it is important to have a routine to fall back on. I retained the general structure of my daily routine, but had to make some alterations because my flat is different, my work is further away from home, Mr Magic is a much more frequent visitor over here. All of this meant that old routines developed over the last year no longer work for me. But I desperately need routines. I'm still not where I want to be with these, but I'm getting there. My days are becoming more organised each week.

3. Get to know the surroundings.

It really helps me if I know where everything is at home. It also gives me comfort to know where important places are in the area. The church, the shop, the dentist, the health centre, the pharmacy, the petrol station. I like to check the location of these on the map before the move to have a vague mental picture of where everything is. And then I try to memorise the way to those places as quickly as possible to stop using the sat nav. It gives a sense of being at home.

4. Have loads of food.

When I'm stressed, cooking is the last thing I want to do after a busy day. I have no patience for chopping vegetables, opening cans, peeling, simmering and washing up all the pots and utensils. But eating pizza or chinese every night is not fu either, despite its initial attraction.. So I like to have loads of delicious food at hand. It could be pizza, ready meals, loads of bread, eggs and baked beans. The key is to fill up the freezer or the fridge with food that is easy to reheat and that will bring you joy. I filled up my freezer with tartlets, bakes, curries, brownies, hot cross buns... I'm a big fan of batch cooking and I'm a freezer queen. It's a life saver.

5. Stop and relax.

Adjusting to a new environment is tiring. There is so much to do. It is also emotionally exhausting. What I have learnt in the past few weeks was that as some point I just need to stop and switch off. Stop cleaning, preparing, writing, reading, organising. Stop worrying. I just need to make a cup of tea and relax. Take a bath. Watch GBBO. Go for a walk. Whatever it takes to stay sane.

Changes are difficult, but you can make them a little more bearable with some planning and with a little down to earth attitude. Changes are temporary in the end. Not before long a change becomes a new normal. Let's just joyfully persevere until them.

Sunday Special: Pharaoh's heart.

I've been reading the Book of Exodus for the past couple of weeks. It's incredible how stories from the past are still relevant to my life today. When I started to read Exodus, I was a little dubious if I would be able to hear the voice of God speaking to me through the pages, but I've found that with every chapter there was at least a verse which touched the depths of my heart.

The stories of 10 Egyptian plagues really spoke to me through the character of Pharaoh. When the plague strikes, he asks Moses to pray to God to stop the disaster and promises to let Israelites go, but the moment the plague is gone, Pharaoh changes his mind, hardens his heart and doesn't let people go anymore.

This story truly mirrors my life. I lift up my eyes to God when a storm is coming, I cry for deliverance and pray incessantly. But when everything calms down, God is pushed to the background. I don't need to be saved anymore. Life is sweetly comfortable.

The plagues kept coming onto the Egyptians, because they didn't stick with the awe of God. They treated God as a tool for getting rid of their problems, but were not interested in developing a lasting relationship with Him.

I have Pharaoh's heart. I have a heart of stone that needs to be replaced by a heart of flesh. And it can only happen if I cling to God. Every day. On a day when I can hardly leave my bed and on a day when I'm winning. On a day when I'm running around like a headless chicken and on a day when I actually have an hour to sit in a chapel and pray. I need to refocus my life on God. Put His first. See that His abundance is much more than what I can create myself on my best day. 

25 things about me.

I turned 25 yesterday, so I thought it might be fun to do a little 25 things about me list to celebrate how old I am.

Here we go, 25 facts about me that you probably didn't not know. Make a game out of it, check how many of those were no surprise at all.

1. I am absolutely terrified of spiders.
2. I've only ever been outside of Europe once. I went to the US for a couple of weeks.
3. I can speak a little bit of Dutch. It's rather rusty at the moment though.
4. I spent a year in Leiden, Netherlands, as part of an Erasmus programme.
5. I took part in a 2km open water swim through the canals in Copenhagen.
6. I have a sweet tooth and I'm highly unlikely to say no to cake.
7. I studied law at uni, but decided a legal career was not for me.
8. On the uni note, I've almost dropped out of uni in my final year due to exam stress.
9. I love the sea. 
10. I try to live a low impact life as much as possible.
11. Once upon a time, I sung in a gospel choir.
12. I drink a lot of tea. LOADS.
13. I hate beetroots so much. I don't even like seeing them.
14. My favourite way to pray is to sing.
15. I'm absolutely hopeless with plants, but I bought an epipremnum and it's still alive two months on!
16. I used to hate driving, but now I love it, I would even say that I find driving quite relaxing.
17. I consider England my home. There's no other place where I feel so comfortable and happy.
18. I genuinely thought I was moving to the UK for two years only, to do my A-levels. But then, two years turned into four so that I finished uni here as well, and before I knew it, eight years came and went.
19. Ever since we've covered this topic at A-levels, I have a bit of an obsession with all things viking.
20. My favourite flowers are tulips.
21. I'm getting a puppy next summer!
22. I have two shows I could watch over and over again, Parks and Recreation and Big Bang Theory.
23. I will laugh madly and generally be silly if I'm really stressed or anxious.
24. I was supposed to be a boy. My parents hoped for a son; instead, they got me.
25. I am a morning person: I prefer to wake up at 5am and go to bed by 9:30pm than to stay up late and have a lie in. 

Sunday Special: Life-long project.

There is a community orchard in the country park near where I live. It has been planted relatively recently and the fruit trees are not any taller than I am. Some began to grow fruit, but they are nowhere near the state of being edible produce.

The information board says that it will take a few years for the orchard to mature. Patience is needed. It will be worth the wait, they wrote.

My initial reaction was that planting those trees was such a waste of resources. All those trees, ten of them, planted in the park, are absolutely useless for the foreseeable future. They are neither pretty nor useful.

But being patient and waiting will change everything. From pathetic stalks sticking out of the ground, beautiful and fruitful trees will develop.

While walking in the park, I've realised that I have the same impatient attitude towards my own conversion. I would like to be completely free from sin here and now. Right now. I often don't accept that conversion requires hard work and often a lot of time.

As a weak human being, I cannot just throw my old life behind me, never to return to bad old habits.  I need to fight against them every day to grow in holiness. To be more charitable, to be more, kid, to be less jealous, to be less angry.

It's hard work. Really hard work. Conversion is a life-long project. I will never be done. But by the grace of God I hope that each day I become a better person. I hope that each day I become a little more like the One in whose image I've been created.

Not a chance.

There are a lot of milestones in life.

There is the first day at school, the 16th birthday, then 18th birthday. And then 25th birthday. A quarter of a century.

I'm turning 25 in a few weeks' time (whoop! whoop!)

I had a lot of ideas as to what I would achieve by the time I turned 25. Many of my dreams came true. Some things exceeded my most extravagant. But many thins I thought I would have been or would have achieved by the time I was 25 simply never came about. 

Be married and mother my first child

I thought I would be married and have my first child by the age of 25 but neither of those is on the cards at the moment. Part of me is disappointed, but a much bigger part of me is very thankful that I haven't got married to any of the men I dated in the past. Honestly, I don't know what I was thinking. Marriage is a huge decision and you need to find a person who will love you unconditionally, who will stand beside you regardless of the ups and down of life. But once you find this special person, you will want to commit every minute of the rest of your life to serve him, to support him, to love him.

Have an MA

Getting a Masters degree was another thing I thought I would have done before I turned 25. I suppose this is a legacy of my Polish mentality. In Poland people seem to do an integrated degree programmes with an MA following directly after the completion of a BA. After starting studying here in the UK, I've actually completely abandoned the idea of doing an MA. I had enough of studying, spending our reading journals and writing essays. It didn't seem necessary for the work I wanted to do either. But I've changed my mind and I'm actually almost half way through doing my MA at the moment. I did it to pursue my interest, to become a better practitioner and to keep myself mentally challenged. I should finish the programme before I turn 26, so all is well.

Have an established exercise routine

and actually sticking to it. Do I exercise? Yes. Is it a routine that I follow without an issue? Nope. Definitely not. My flat is on the second floor now, so I get a good amount of exercise from just running up and down. This is made worse by my forgetfulness, but at least I don't really need a gym. The truth is that having an exercise schedule sucks all the fun out of doing those exercises. I much rather go as and when I actually feel like it, especially with a job that is really physically demanding (I must do at least 100 squats a day!).

Learn a third language.

I had a fair go at Dutch years ago, but I never managed to fully commit myself to learning another language. I tried Danish for a while and then thought that an Easter European language would be better, so I looked into Slovak. Learning a language takes time and I have less and less of it as I get older. It is also increasingly frustrating to experience that helplessness of early stages of language acquisition when I am already fluent in another language. I suppose it was natural as a child to be struggling with putting sentences together, but now it is simply infuriating. Maybe I'll have another go when I finish my Masters', there is only so much that you can do at once.

Be a great hostess

What I mean by being a great hostess is throwing dinner parties, hosting board game evenings, puppy meets ups and so on. I occasionally have a few people over, but I'm not a natural and it takes so much of my physical, mental and emotional energy to organise a small get together. I had a vision of myself as a sort of domestic goddess with piles of sandwiches, cakes and fresh flowers always on the table. I am definitely overflowing with cake most of the time, but parties are definitely not my thing. A cup of tea, a book or a good movie? Definitely. I am not going to be fabulous at entertaining people at home any time soon. But that's ok. I'm busy enough trying to entertain myself.

~~~

All the above things won't materialise by the time I turn 25. Not a chance. But I'm not bitter about it, because I came to realise that life needs to proceed at its own pace. I cannot speed things up, I cannot rewind to the past to make different choices. Instead, I tak each day as it comes. Life is good. Life is comfortable and most definitely interesting.

Now I'm off to enjoy the last couple of weeks of my summer holiday. It will be quiet here until September. But do not fear, I'm going to be back!

Sunday Special: Jesus, I trust in You.

I went to adoration the other day and what really caught my eye was the Divine Mercy painting hung in a side chapel to the right of the altar. A painting just like this one, with an inscription at the feet of Jesus:

Jesus, I trust in You.

I've repeated these words in that hour of prayer over and over again. Do I trust? Do I trust fully that Jesus will hold my hand and walk me through the time of darkness? Do I trust His word that He came not to condemn but to save? Do I trust that He is the giver of life and that only by following the gentle whispers of His divine wisdom I can be truly happy and fulfilled?

I fervently prayed Jesus, I trust in You and with each repetition of these few words my soul got still. As if a storm have passed and a great silence ensued.

As it turned out, I completely misinterpreted the meaning of these words for my life at that moment in time. I thought trusting Him meant throwing life as I knew it behind me. In fact, it meant trusting despite the appearance of lack of movement and change. However, Jesus yet again surprising me with His generosity and mysterious ways of working through all the difficult and tangled situations. But what was important was that I took an enormous leap of faith, submitting totally to His will. Trusting Him completely to lift me up from the valley of death.

God acts without the constraints of time or space, so trust and patience is essential. He takes his times when working in my life. And the only way to respond to this is to trust. Always and entirely, sometimes against human advice, sometimes against all logic. Trust.

Then you will know that I am the Lord;

those who wait for me shall not be put to shame. (Isaiah 49:23)

The home improvement nightmare.

I used to think that home improvement was fun.

When I was little, I would go to diy stores with my parents and walk down the aisles with paint samples, tiles and curtains and think that it would be so much fun to decorate my own place.

Well, it isn't.

The actual process of painting, moving furniture and hanging curtain rails might not be that bad, but the process of choosing the items that will actually fit together and make the interior pleasing to the eye is really difficult.

I absolutely hate making decisions, especially those long-term ones. I'm not going to redecorate the flat for the next seven years probably, so in the past few week I went through hell trying to pick all those bits and pieces. What can I say, in order to have you dream home, you need to live through the nightmare of making important and expensive decisions.

Starting with paint, I wanted white walls and, guess what, there were about 20 different shades of white in the diy store. I'm not even joking. I've always thought that white was white, but apprently that isn't the case. Thankfully there is a colour called pure brilliant white that acts as a standard white colour, so that sorted the painting problem. Keeping it simple was an absolute priority.

All the lovely shades of white...

At that point I thought I was done with until I came up with the idea of having an accent wall in the kitchen. Luscious Lime or Kiwi Green? Or maybe I should go for blues, rather than greens? Do I want everything painted in that colour, or do I want some tiles on one of the walls? Decisions, decisions.

Didn't go with any of those in the end

That wasn't the end of kitchen-related decisions, because to revamp that space on a budget I've decided to paint the cupboard doors and change the handles. It was much cheaper than having a brand new fitted kitchen, but it required multiple decisions. And hours of inhaling probably toxic cupboard paint fumes.

Because all the flooring in the flat was absolutely hideous, I had to pick the carpets for the bedrooms as well. I highly dislike beige, brown and similar colours and it narrowed things down massively, but still there were tens of grey carpet samples in the store. Given that I finally decided that I wanted carpets with wool and had a restricted budget, we quickly went down to only couple of carpets, but the entire process took two trips to the store (have you ever been to one? They are sad places) and a good few hours.

The floor saga continued when I went to choose the wood flooring. Chevron or straight pattern? Which one of tens of wood colours? How thick should the planks be? And, more importantly, how wide?

My first reaction? Oh my...

And, after making all those decisions, I was down to my last one, which was the tiles for the bathroom and the kitchen. I know nothing about tiles, so porcelain, ceramic or stone, they are all the same to me. Mr Magic was helpful as ever: after I've narrowed it down to two types of tiles he said that they looked exactly the same. I've achieved a compromise by getting bigger tiles for the kitchen and smaller ones for the bathroom. I didn't have to make a choice as to which of the two I preferred.

Clearly two completely different tiles, Mr Magic.

~~~

What making all those decisions in a very short period of time has taught me is that you should probably go with your gut feeling. Your first intuition as to what you like probably points you in the direction of what will bring you joy.

It has also taught me that I had no imagination. My wooden floors are beautiful, but I had no image in my head what the floor would look like in my lounge/diner. I can't really imagine the look of tiles in the kitchen (yet to be done). I'm taking a massive leap of faith with these things.

Anyway, that's the end of my home improvement rant. Look out for the post showing the finished apartment (probably in about 10 years at this rate). Take care and remember to avoid any home improvement at all cost if you value your sanity.

Sunday Special: The Bible hack.

Do you ever think that you don't read the Bible nearly often enough?

I don't read the Bible daily and in my busy life it's so easy to get caught up in different activities and before I know it, it's already bedtime.

But I want to read the Bible every day, so I had to find a hack for this.

And I did. It's so simple, I can't believe I didn't come up with it months ago.

What is the first thing you grab after waking up? Probably your smartphone. Now, exchange the smartphone for the Bible and all of a sudden you read the Bible every morning. Use a physical book rather than an app to avoid distractions.

Read a verse, a passage, a chapter. It doesn't matter how much you read as long as you get those life-giving words into your day.

I'm currently working my way through the Letter to the Hebrews in this way. And I truly believe that it can transform my life, make me more attuned to the voice of God and more caring about people around me. Pretty good for five-ten minutes of reading each morning.

If you don't know where to start, I really love the Gospel according to St Mark. I love all of the Gospels, but Mark's one is special to me. I also really like the Letter of St Paul to the Ephesians. It really doesn't matter where you start, God will speak to you through any passage you pick as long as you are open to His voice.

It is by your holding fast to the word of life that I can boast on the day of Christ that I did not run in vain or labour in vain. (Philippians 2:16)