We're in the season of buying. There was Halloween, Black Friday, Cyber Monday, now Christmas shopping is in the full swing. It seems that there is always some occasion for which we should buy stuff. Or at least that's what all the companies want us to believe.
I am not crazy about receiving or giving gifts, it's not my love language and I find that actually spending time with somebody or doing some act of service for them is much more meaningful. However, I think there is beauty in giving gifts if they are personal and thought-through. I hate receiving generic gifts (and the same goes for any greeting cards, what is the point if you just sign your name under a pre-printed one-line message?). But I really appreciate if somebody gives me something that adds value to my life, makes it more efficient or just really speaks to me because it shows that the person really thought about me when buying the gift. I also love to give gifts when I know it will make another person smile and enrich their life in one way or another.
A caveat is necessary here. All gift-giving should be done without an expectation of getting anything in return. Sometimes a conversation might be needed. I know a lot of us feel obliged to give back to people who gift us, but gift-giving is not about obliging others to spend money on you. They might not have the means to. They might simply not want to and this is fine. Gift-giving is about opening our hearts up unconditionally and showing that we care about the person we are gifting to, that we appreciate them. Coercing somebody to give you a gift back has nothing to do with truly thoughtful gift-giving.
A caveat is necessary here. All gift-giving should be done without an expectation of getting anything in return. Sometimes a conversation might be needed. I know a lot of us feel obliged to give back to people who gift us, but gift-giving is not about obliging others to spend money on you. They might not have the means to. They might simply not want to and this is fine. Gift-giving is about opening our hearts up unconditionally and showing that we care about the person we are gifting to, that we appreciate them. Coercing somebody to give you a gift back has nothing to do with truly thoughtful gift-giving.
Thoughtful giving
My first suggestion is then to consider the receiver of the gift. What do they like? What do they need? What would make them happy? Different gifts will be appropriate for different people. Young parents might want to have some time for just each other, so maybe offer an evening of babysitting. A music fan will enjoy Spotify subscription, a book worm might want a special edition of their favourite book.
Secondly, think about gifting consumables and experiences rather than physical stuff. Ever since I started decluttering my possessions and simplifying my life, I really don't like getting gifts that will take up space in my home. I like to get food, tea, ethical beauty products, theatre tickets, spa vouchers anything that I can use up and have fun doing it. Museum pass might be an idea. Even better if you can make the gift yourself. Maybe a jar of delicious home-made cookies.
And if physical gifts are what you decide to go for, think of something practical. I remember one year my mum got a washing machine for her birthday and I was not impressed with dad at all, but I grew to appreciate such gifts, especially now that I have my own place. If a new kettle is something your friend needs, just get them the kettle. They will be eternally thankful and will think of you every time they make a cup of tea. I think so often we are caught up with an idea that gifts must be something special in a sense of not an everyday item, that we forget that people will rejoice at getting an item that they actually need but just never seem to have time to get round to buying. Like new underwear. Or a new tablecloth. Ask what they were meaning to buy for a long time and get it for your loved one.
Finally, the most valuable gift you can give is your time and undivided attention. No gift can make up for you being constantly busy, short tempered and stressed about about buying gifts. Being truly present over the Christmas period is might be the best present. Maybe it's the time to say 'You know what, we are not going to do gifts this year. Instead, we will cook together, sing carols, play board games. We are going to go for a long walk on Christmas day and just really enjoy being together'. Maybe it's the time.
And if physical gifts are what you decide to go for, think of something practical. I remember one year my mum got a washing machine for her birthday and I was not impressed with dad at all, but I grew to appreciate such gifts, especially now that I have my own place. If a new kettle is something your friend needs, just get them the kettle. They will be eternally thankful and will think of you every time they make a cup of tea. I think so often we are caught up with an idea that gifts must be something special in a sense of not an everyday item, that we forget that people will rejoice at getting an item that they actually need but just never seem to have time to get round to buying. Like new underwear. Or a new tablecloth. Ask what they were meaning to buy for a long time and get it for your loved one.
Finally, the most valuable gift you can give is your time and undivided attention. No gift can make up for you being constantly busy, short tempered and stressed about about buying gifts. Being truly present over the Christmas period is might be the best present. Maybe it's the time to say 'You know what, we are not going to do gifts this year. Instead, we will cook together, sing carols, play board games. We are going to go for a long walk on Christmas day and just really enjoy being together'. Maybe it's the time.
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