Sunday Special: Restless heart: St Augustine of Hippo.

In my struggle with sin, bad habits and vices continues each day, but the story of St Augustine inspires me on my way of holiness. He was a thief, had an affair, fathered a child outside of wedlock, abandoned the faith to Gnosticism. He has famously recorded his prayer “Grant me chastity and continence . . . but not yet.” and I can 100% identify with this attitude of wanting to do something about my spiritual growth. But just not at this moment, not today.

This is probably why St Augustine speaks to me so much. His history resembles so much of my life. Augustine was brought up in a respectable family, he was a learned man with a truly devout mother, St Monica. And yet he got lost. He got engrossed in the life of drink and sex, completely lot the sense of what was right or wrong. His heart was restless, always looking for being filled up with something, but never being satisfied. 

“Thou hast formed us for Thyself, and our hearts are restless till they find rest in Thee.” (Augustine, Confessions (Book 1)

 

It has taken Augustine many many years to realise that nothing can fulfill him but God Himself. Coming to the knowledge of God may take time and not be straightforward at all. I like Augustine because he is not one of the polished saints who wanted to reach heaven from a very young age. I could never fully identify fully with such saints. But Augustine had his struggles just the way I did. He resisted the call to conversion just as I did. He eventually finally realised that God should be at the centre of his life, just as I did.

Augustine was instrumental in the development of the doctrine of the original sin. Human heart is weak and prone to falling away from its Creator. The only way to stand up to sin is to totally depend on the grace of God for the gift of salvation. As St Paul writes in the Letter to the Hebrews, Jesus made a one and final sacrifice for our sanctification. We will struggle with our will every day, but the consolation is that we have the reinforcements coming down from Heaven, helping us to make better choices today than we made yesterday, helping us to be more charitable, more patient, more willing to serve others.

If ever you struggle with a particular sin, think of St Augustine who turned his life around and became one of the most important theologians and philosophers of his age. Nothing is impossible to God.