Sunday Special: Don't settle for OK.

Therefore you are to be perfect, as your heavenly Father is perfect. Matthew 5:48

I'm a nice person. I try not to gossip. I share a kind word with my co-workers every day. I smile at people, don't pick a fight and are able to say sorry (most of the times). I give people the benefit of doubt. I make time for people who matter for me. I turn up for work every day and do my best. I pray regularly and make use of the sacraments. 

Overall, I think I am doing OK.

But being OK is not what I have been created for. I was created for the life of holiness. Jesus made it absolutely clear that mere adherence to the rules of faith is not sufficient. Remember the young man who came to ask Him what he should do to enter the Kingdom of God? Jesus first of all asked him to do everything according to the law, but then He asked him to give everything up and follow him.

This is a challenging call for me today. To give up my worldly attachments and focus on the thing that is eternal. To stop trying to make my life all nice and comfortable at the expense of others, but to go out of my way to serve the most vulnerable. To learn to say ''I'm sorry" to people I alienate from myself. To bear difficulties with patience rather than constantly complaining about minor inconveniences. To always give thanks to the Lord, never attributing my success to myself alone. To bring the light of Christ to those who lost all hope. To do everything for the greater glory of God.

Don't settle for mere OK. You have been created for holiness. It is not about some sort of perfectionism. It is about becoming who you are intended to become from the beginning of the world. This means being in communion with God. Breathing His Spirit every moment of every day. Becoming holy means a constant transformation so that we are more that the One who created us.

In this season of Lent, I want to journey towards the Easter morning in such a way that I will truly recognise the Risen Christ, that I will see His wounds and His glory through a purer heart, tuned to the promptings of the Holy Spirit. It will require a serious change of heart. No more mediocrity, just learning to be holier, day by day.

“Let them look up and see no longer me—but only Jesus” Blessed John Henry Newman

Sunday Special: Prepare the way of the Lord.

It's interesting that preparing brings to my mind words such as hurry, to do list, busy, overwhelmed. How different preparing for the Lord is. I am convinced that God wants us to carve out moments of silence and peace in our lives so that we can met Him away from the noise of our hectic lives. 

I've been prayerfully reading the Bible much more and finding more moments of stillness during the day. It brings me so much comfort to be able to slow down and spend time sitting in the presence of the Lord. No special acts are necessary. Just pay attention.

I often run around like a headless chicken, trying to have it all, do it all. Clean the house, get the groceries, purchase Christmas gifts, catch up with friends, mark end of term assessments, plan the last 20 odd lessons, sort out my finances, car maintenance... There is so much that clutters my mind towards the end of the year. I need to make a conscious effort to carve out a chunk of time dedicated for expanding my heart. Only in this way I can prepare for the Lord. Or at least try to prepare.

I'm not convinced that I would be completely ready for Christmas. It's such a massive task to change your heart. It takes years, not weeks. But this Advent I have an opportunity to prepare my heart through time spent in quiet prayer. This has already shone such a bright light on so many areas of my life. In so many ways I've become more compassionate, more patient, more positive (although it might not always show). Most importantly, I feel so loved and I know I have my Father in Heaven and He will keep me in all the ups and downs of my life. I just need to let Him enter.

Below is an inspiring video filmed for last year's Advent. Incredible message delivered by a joyful sister.

Sunday Special: The Apostle of Mercy: St Faustina Kowalska

God has a strange way of choosing those seemingly least suited for the task of giving others the message of His glory and goodness. Like this Polish nun.

Faustina was born into a poor family of twelve. She completed only three classes of primary school before starting to work various jobs as a housekeeper and a childminder. She strongly desired to enter a convent, but faced rejection after rejection. Her parents did not support the idea and multiple religious congregations that Faustina approached refused to accept her because of her insufficient material resources.

Once she saved up enough money, Faustina joined The Congregation of the Sisters of Our Lady of Mercy. She had many mystic visions of Christ, all of which she has written down in her Diary, on the advice of her confessor. It wasn't an easy experience for her. Initially, there have been doubts about how genuine Faustina was, she was examined by a psychiatrist and also suffered greatly from tuberculosis.

What I find amazing about Faustina is that we have received such a wealth of spirituality from a simple woman. The theology of Divine Mercy has been a source of hope, inspiration for many people in the last few decades. The Divine Mercy Image is one of my favourite. Jesus is dressed in a white garment and two rays of light come out of His Heart: signifying the Blood and the Water flowing out of Jesus' side after His death on the cross. Mercy is the greatest attribute of God. At the feet of Jesus, there is an inscription "Jesus, I trust in You." This attitude of trust is the very centre of the devotion to Divine Mercy. Trust can be demonstrated in a variety of ways: not despairing in difficult times, following the Commandments, living out the Beatitudes, living a life of prayer and showing mercy towards others. Faustina lived all of these out, without complaining about all the obstacles that she faced, always trusting in God's plan and unceasingly glorifying Him through spreading the good news of God's infinite mercy.

Eternal Father, I offer You the Body and Blood,
Soul and Divinity of Your dearly beloved Son, Our Lord Jesus Christ,
in atonement for our sins and those of the whole world.

"Apart from the mercy of God there is no other source of hope for mankind" John Paul II

Sunday Special: Do I trust?

I'v had some really difficult time at work recently. Working in a challenging context is both physically and emotionally exhausting and I wasn't quite prepared for it.

Now that I've managed to rest a little and think about the past weeks, I've realised how little I trusted that God will deliver me from all the troubles. That He will be the source of strength and inspiration, and that He will not abandon me.

the Lord God is my strength and my song,
and he has become my salvation. Isaiah 12:2

I'm a fatalist and I see the world in very black and white terms. It's either absolutely fabulous or it's  total disaster. Nothing in between. It's really exhausting to deal with problems when your brain is wired in this way. Yet faith calls me to turn away from despair and turn towards the One who holds the entire world in His hands.

When my strength is failing

When my patience is running out

When my mind wants to run away

When I don't see the way out

When I'm panicking

When I'd rather be anywhere else

When everything seems 

faith calls me to trust, completely and without reservations.

I seem to be writing about trust a lot and this is probably because I have such a huge issue with trust. It is a product of my upbringing, life experiences, my choices and life circumstances, but it is there and I need to learnt to deal with it. 

God said that He would never abandon me, that He would never fail. He's a good, good father.

I need to develop a habit of looking up to heaven when I feel like I'm sinking. To offer everything up and don't try to single-handedly change the whole world. I can't. He can.

Sunday Special: Pharaoh's heart.

I've been reading the Book of Exodus for the past couple of weeks. It's incredible how stories from the past are still relevant to my life today. When I started to read Exodus, I was a little dubious if I would be able to hear the voice of God speaking to me through the pages, but I've found that with every chapter there was at least a verse which touched the depths of my heart.

The stories of 10 Egyptian plagues really spoke to me through the character of Pharaoh. When the plague strikes, he asks Moses to pray to God to stop the disaster and promises to let Israelites go, but the moment the plague is gone, Pharaoh changes his mind, hardens his heart and doesn't let people go anymore.

This story truly mirrors my life. I lift up my eyes to God when a storm is coming, I cry for deliverance and pray incessantly. But when everything calms down, God is pushed to the background. I don't need to be saved anymore. Life is sweetly comfortable.

The plagues kept coming onto the Egyptians, because they didn't stick with the awe of God. They treated God as a tool for getting rid of their problems, but were not interested in developing a lasting relationship with Him.

I have Pharaoh's heart. I have a heart of stone that needs to be replaced by a heart of flesh. And it can only happen if I cling to God. Every day. On a day when I can hardly leave my bed and on a day when I'm winning. On a day when I'm running around like a headless chicken and on a day when I actually have an hour to sit in a chapel and pray. I need to refocus my life on God. Put His first. See that His abundance is much more than what I can create myself on my best day. 

Sunday Special: Life-long project.

There is a community orchard in the country park near where I live. It has been planted relatively recently and the fruit trees are not any taller than I am. Some began to grow fruit, but they are nowhere near the state of being edible produce.

The information board says that it will take a few years for the orchard to mature. Patience is needed. It will be worth the wait, they wrote.

My initial reaction was that planting those trees was such a waste of resources. All those trees, ten of them, planted in the park, are absolutely useless for the foreseeable future. They are neither pretty nor useful.

But being patient and waiting will change everything. From pathetic stalks sticking out of the ground, beautiful and fruitful trees will develop.

While walking in the park, I've realised that I have the same impatient attitude towards my own conversion. I would like to be completely free from sin here and now. Right now. I often don't accept that conversion requires hard work and often a lot of time.

As a weak human being, I cannot just throw my old life behind me, never to return to bad old habits.  I need to fight against them every day to grow in holiness. To be more charitable, to be more, kid, to be less jealous, to be less angry.

It's hard work. Really hard work. Conversion is a life-long project. I will never be done. But by the grace of God I hope that each day I become a better person. I hope that each day I become a little more like the One in whose image I've been created.

Sunday Special: Jesus, I trust in You.

I went to adoration the other day and what really caught my eye was the Divine Mercy painting hung in a side chapel to the right of the altar. A painting just like this one, with an inscription at the feet of Jesus:

Jesus, I trust in You.

I've repeated these words in that hour of prayer over and over again. Do I trust? Do I trust fully that Jesus will hold my hand and walk me through the time of darkness? Do I trust His word that He came not to condemn but to save? Do I trust that He is the giver of life and that only by following the gentle whispers of His divine wisdom I can be truly happy and fulfilled?

I fervently prayed Jesus, I trust in You and with each repetition of these few words my soul got still. As if a storm have passed and a great silence ensued.

As it turned out, I completely misinterpreted the meaning of these words for my life at that moment in time. I thought trusting Him meant throwing life as I knew it behind me. In fact, it meant trusting despite the appearance of lack of movement and change. However, Jesus yet again surprising me with His generosity and mysterious ways of working through all the difficult and tangled situations. But what was important was that I took an enormous leap of faith, submitting totally to His will. Trusting Him completely to lift me up from the valley of death.

God acts without the constraints of time or space, so trust and patience is essential. He takes his times when working in my life. And the only way to respond to this is to trust. Always and entirely, sometimes against human advice, sometimes against all logic. Trust.

Then you will know that I am the Lord;

those who wait for me shall not be put to shame. (Isaiah 49:23)

Sunday Special: Ora et labora.

There are two Benedictine abbeys on the Isle of Wight.

St Cecilia’s Abbey in Ryde is a place of tranquillity. It is a strict cloister, the contact with the outside world is really limited for the women who chose to spend their lives there.

Then there is Quarr Abbey in Fishbourne. It is not as quiet as St Cecilia. There is a tea shop, a pig pen, a gift shop, abbey tours on Tuesdays and various retreats.

These two abbeys are very different yet there is one thing that they have in common: the Rule of St Benedict as their foundation.

The Rule is a short document, you can easily read it over the course of a single evening, but it is so rich in its spirituality that one needs to come back to it again and again to truly appreciate this abundance of wisdom from St Benedict.

The Rule might at first seem to be rather irrelevant in our times. It was written for sixth century monks. And indeed, many parts of it are concerned with practicalities of living in a monastic community (and St Benedict was a truly practical man, he describes the bed linen that each monk should get, their clothing and footwear, the meals to be eaten and what to do if you are travelling and you are not able to get back in time for scheduled prayers). But in the midst of all these seemingly irrelevant instructions, there is something timeless that we can all apply to our lives.

The Rule of St Benedict is often abbreviated to ora et labora. Pray and work. St Benedict places prayer at the centre of the monastic life, especially prayer through Psalms (Liturgy of the Hours, anyone?). He also says that idleness is the enemy of the soul. He wants the monks to be always engaged in some activity that brings them into the unity with God. It might be in time of prayer, it might be through work for the monastery or the neighbour.

What does the Rule have to offer for us? Here are three ideas from St Benedict to enrich our busy lives.

If you get your hands on the Rule, read Chapter 19 and Chapter 20. They talk about the approach to prayer. Benedict gave a strict guidance as to the regularity of prayer, but just turning up when you are supposed to will not cut it. For Benedict, being intentional and truly present during the time of prayer was key for spiritual growth.

Benedict recommended the monks to be always busy, so work (manual labour in the Rule) was an essential part of his spirituality. It wasn’t an inconvenience interrupting the times of prayer. Work for Benedict was a part of Christian life. God worked for six days and then rested after creation: and since all that God does is holy, work must be holy too. My work doesn’t feel holy most of the time at all. But it’s all about offering your time and effort up to God and performing your duties as if you were serving the Lord directly.

Finally, hospitality. It is not merely entertaining guests at dinner parties. I was a stranger and you welcomed me. Hospitality is making sure people feel welcomed around you. They should feel at peace when interacting with you, should feel valued and important for only one reason: because they are a fellow human being and are made in the image of God. Hospitality can be exercised in all circumstances, at home, at work, when on holidays or just relaxing in a café. It’s paying attention to the needs of another and treating those we encounter with deep respect.

~~~

I'm looking forward to exploring more of the benedictine spirituality in the coming weeks and visiting more benedictine abbeys. They are places of such tranquility that even if I only visit for a couple of hours, I feel spiritually replenished. Next on my list is Worth Abbey.

Sunday Special: Church shopping.

I'm moving and the first thing I check when I go to a new place is where the church is, how far and what time the Sunday Mass is.

So I found my parish church and went there on a couple of Sundays.

And it was truly awful.

The preaching was awful, the music was awful. Jesus was there, so that's the most important thing, but everything else was rubbish. It was mainly music that pushed me away from that church. I can compromise on a lot of things, but music is a deal breaker.

So this Sunday I went to another church.

It was marginally better. The singing wasn't great, but at least it was not so great singing acapella. Which is truly better than bad singing coupled with the organs. I don’t like the organs. I much rather they played the piano in churches. But that’s a digression.

Anyway, this entire moving and finding a new church affair made me think about church shopping. Should I be looking for a church that suits me? Or should I just stick with the one that is closer to where I live?

It has been a little of a moral dilemma for me, because the Church is not about me, but about God. I don't want to go around saying 'I don't like this, I don't like that, I'm going to go elsewhere.' My faith is what it is, no pick&choosing.

Now I only ever church shop within the Catholic Church, so I really get the same deal wherever I go and it makes me a little more comfortable about going round and trying different communities. There is the same order of Mass everywhere, there is the same rite of confession, the same adoration. But then each church is different in so many ways. Some are well organised with loads going on. Some keep it to bare minimum. Some have evening Masses during the week, some only in the morning. Some churches do loads of charity work, some just collect donations. Some have a wonderful music ministry, some are truly awful and can't tell the difference between an entrance hymn and a recessional hymn. In some churches the preaching is heavily scripture based and really scholarly, in some it is an incoherent lump of 'God loves you', 'Don't sin' and 'We need to take care of the poor and needy'. I know some people won't care, but I care deeply about all of these. I want a proper church. And short of starting my own (this ain't gonna happen), the next best option is to shop around and find a Catholic church that will at least broadly meet my rather complex spiritual needs.

I suppose this is a little like finding a religious order which will work for you. Ultimately, they are all the same. You wake up early, have a set time of prayer, you go to Mass, you work and study during the day. You try to fight your sins and become more holy. But the details vary from order to order, speak to any Dominican friar about why they are not Jesuits ;)

The church I went to this morning wasn’t perfect, but I don’t think I’ll ever find a church which meets all my expectations. But the preaching was not tragic and the priest really made me feel welcomed there. It does mean a 10 minute drive each Sunday morning, but maybe I could cycle? (ha ha ha)

I think in the Catholic Church we are often guilty of just accepting the things as they are in our churches and not challenging bad practices, inattentive priests and poor organisation. I would like to think that after some months in my parish, I would be in a position to say ‘Actually, we could do this or that better’. For now, I can live with that little church as it is. Church shopping concluded for the next couple of years, hopefully. 

Sunday Special: Spiritual growth.

I've been through a period of spiritual dryness recently. I haven't been praying with my heart. I've been distracted and caught up in the daily troubles that I simply did not get any opportunity to slow down and be with the Lord.

I have questioned whether I have actually grown spiritually in the last few months at all. Have I advanced on the path to holiness? It definitely doesn't feel like it. It feels that I am standing still, even going backwards. But surely this is just the result of my current spiritual state. Surely?

The thing about growing in anything, in particular in growing spiritually, is that the growth might be hardly perceptible. At times it might even feel like going backwards rather than going forwards.

I reflected on my growth as a teacher over the last couple of years. I had a few wow moments when I really thought 'I'm getting a hang of it at last'. But most of the time, my progress was slow, incremental and hardly visible. Like the ability to build relationships with my pupils. I've moved miles since I've started teaching, though from one day to another I could barely see any progress.

If everybody still had to grow their own food, I think we would find it much easier to accept that growth might not be perceptible, but it's definitely happening and we just need to be patient. Trust is the most important component of growth. We need to trust God that He is doing his glorious and invisible work. We need to trust ourselves, that our choices bring us closer to who we are meant to be.

Spiritual growth is imperceptible and my individual and personal growth will look completely different than yours. That's part of the challenge and of the beauty of it. You plant the seed by inviting God to enter your life and your spiritual growth will take its course which in all likelihood will be totally different from the growth in the life of somebody else. Because we are all different and God leads us on different paths. Today it might feel that everybody else has such a beautiful soul while you are still stuck with your ugly self. But for as long as you constantly turn to Christ, day after day, you will grow closer to Him and his light will light up all of our dark places, making you grow in the beauty of the child of God.

Sunday Special: Justice before morality.

We, Catholics, are better instructed in the matters of morality than in the matters of justice.

This is what I heard from a Benedictine monk during my last confession. How true and going straight through my heart.

By this everyone will know that you are my disciples, if you have love for one another. 

(John 13:35)

Jesus criticised the pharisees for too much concern with the rules. He said that his followers will be known for their love for one another. We are all sinners and the adherence to the law is probably not the best measure of our strife for holiness. But our attitudes towards others speak about our faith more than anything. The way we live and interact with the world is the way we witness our faith.

Can you truly say that you follow Jesus if you go to Mass each Sunday, yet turn your head round when you pass by a homeless person?

Can you truly say that you follow Jesus if you dutifully give an offering each Sunday, but do not take interest in you neighbours or colleagues?

Can you truly say that you follow Jesus if you say your prayers each day, yet waste food and water each week?

Can you truly say that you follow Jesus if you apparently follow the Ten Commandments, but you don't work honestly for your employer and the people you serve?

Catholic social teaching is called the Church's "best kept secret". But it shouldn't be- it should be a part of our lives. Pope Francis is tirelessly reminding us about justice that can bring about a better world. The morality is important, but people come first. 

“Jesus tells us what the ‘protocol’ is, on which we will be judged. It is the one we read in chapter 25 of Matthew’s Gospel: I was hungry, I was thirsty, I was in prison, I was sick, I was naked and you helped me, clothed me, visited me, took care of me. Whenever we do this to one of our brothers, we do this to Jesus. Caring for our neighbor; for those who are poor, who suffer in body and in soul, for those who are in need. This is the touchstone.”

From Papa Francesco: Questa economia uccide (Pope Francis: This economy kills)by Andrea Tornielli and Giacomo Galeazzivia

Do you bring justice to the world around you? Or maybe you are preoccupied with morality?

~~~

A little side note that has been brought to my attention this Sunday. From Pope Benedict XVI, encyclical Deus caritas est (2005):

14 “Worship” itself, Eucharistic communion, includes the reality both of being loved and of loving others in turn. A Eucharist which does not pass over into the concrete practice of love is intrinsically fragmented. Conversely, as we shall have to consider in greater detail below, the “commandment” of love is only possible because it is more than a requirement. Love can be “commanded” because it has first been given.

28 The Church cannot and must not take upon herself the political battle to bring about the most just society possible. She cannot and must not replace the State. Yet at the same time she cannot and must not remain on the sidelines in the fight for justice. She has to play her part through rational argument and she has to reawaken the spiritual energy without which justice, which always demands sacrifice, cannot prevail and prosper. A just society must be the achievement of politics, not of the Church. Yet the promotion of justice through efforts to bring about openness of mind and will to the demands of the common good is something which concerns the Church deeply.

Sunday Special: Full of grace.

For a long time, I had a problem with Marian devotion. This might be due to the specificity of the Polish religious life, especially in certain communities, where Mary is considered as the most important, almost like the fourth person in the Holy Trinity. I tried to be focused on Jesus and so Mary did not seem to fit into the picture. I really could not understand people praying the Rosary, going to shrines, consecrating their life to Mary. I simply did not get it for years and years.

And then suddenly it clicked.

There are a lot of dogmas in the Catholic Church regarding who Mary was, what she was liked and what happened in her life, but the one that really spoke to me and completely changed my attitude towards Mary was the immaculate conception dogma. In a nutshell, we believe that Mary was conceived without the blemish of original sin. I used to think that this made Mary's life so much easier than ours. She didn't have all this mess in her heart, regrets, going back and forth. But then I've realised that actually the opposite is true.

I try really hard to live a holy life, but I'm easily led astray by the smallest of things. Devil doesn't need any heavy weapons for me, the light stuff works. But with Mary it was different. Without the original sin, she did not feel the attraction of sin. Little things were not enough to tempt her. Devil really had to work hard (though without success). Mary must have experienced the full spectrum of his tempting abilities and it must have been so difficult, each temptation is difficult, but when you are hit with this incredible force of evil, you must really cling to God to resist it. And Mary did. She kept her eyes focused on God, regardless of everything.

Isn't that amazing? We have such a powerful intercessor to turn to and such a strong role model to look up to. And she always points out to Jesus. She always points towards the promise of God, the promise of mercy and protection. I call upon Mary every day, I ask her to undo the knots in my life and there wasn't a single time when she didn't help me with her intercession.

For me the life of Mary is an example of what wonders God can do in a life of a person who trusts Him fully. Mary's life was not easy, but it was beautiful and filled with the Holy Spirit. We don't have much of Mary's words recorded in the Gospels. But in her quiet trust, she has played such an important role in the salvation history. It was Mary who through her yes was the first one to welcome Jesus into the world. It was Mary who carried the faith in Christ over the darkness of the Good Friday. It was Mary who stayed praying with and for the disciples after the Ascension. Mary has been humble, trusting and always looking up to heaven. 

I will keep turning to her for support. Looking back at Mary's life gives me a chance to reflect on her particular path to holiness and see what I can learn from her. I want to learn how to live like her: a life of complete trust and dependence on God.

Mater habebit curam

Sunday Special: I pray, but God doesn't do anything.

This is such a beautiful topic to touch on on the day of the solemnity of Pentecost.

Imagine the Eleven disciples after the Ascension. Jesus promised that he will send a Paraclete. One day passed, than another and another. They were sitting in the Upper Room, waiting and praying and nothing seemed to be happening. And it took the whole nine days before the descend of the Holy Spirit. No doubt the disciples were praying for his coming, but they did not get what they wanted straight away. I don't think they got what they've expected either.

Sometimes it feels like God doesn't respond to our prayers at all. That he is not interested. That he does not listen. Or that he completely misheard what we were saying and gave us something that we didn't ask for at all.

The thing is, God always listens, but he has a peculiar way of responding to our prayer. I believe God has three answers for us.

Yes

Sometimes the Lord gives you just what you asked for. You pray for that job, that relationship, that difficult conversation, and God pours out his blessings in abundance. This is probably the response that we expect most frequently, but maybe feel like we don't get it. I think it's because God only wants to give us what is good for us, but we are actually hardly ever aware of what that is. We don't have a great idea what is good for us, as evidenced by the amount of tears and regrets in our lives. Sometimes we want something so much it almost hurts inside, but it is not something that helps us grow.

Yes, but not yet

When the time is right I, the Lord, will make it happen. (Isaiah 60:22) Sometimes the timing is not right. God know what your heart is ready for, what you can manage at any given time. You might be praying for marriage, but you are utterly unfit for such a commitment now. You might be praying for a new job, but actually you haven't fulfilled all your commitments in your current job yet and you might not be able to handle the change. The wait is difficult, because at the time it often feels like a no, but when you finally receive what you have asked for, you really do appreciate that it wasn't the right time. Sometimes even while waiting you are so relieved that you weren't given what you asked for a few months back.

I have something better for you

I have so many experiences of this answer. God really does have a better plan for us. And so many times I've been praying for something and it didn't materialise, but something much better and more beautiful did. It is probably the most difficult response to receive at the time, because you really desire something and it is not what you are getting. But God surprises us with things that we might not have dared to even think of. He really knows the depths of our souls and is able to gift us with those specially graces that really help us to flourish.

In my prayer I fluctuated between being really vague in my intentions, to being really specific, and now I am sort of back at being vague, but now I try to give God space for his divine plan. This is especially important for me when I am fragile and vulnerable. If I abandon all to God, I know that I will not be disappointed. So often instead of asking for something specific, I pray: Lord, I'm in this difficult situation and I have lots of ideas how best to solve it, but I know you have the best plan for me, so I abandon everything to you.

Ultimately, when we pray and nothing seems to be happening at all, you can be certain that God is at work. It's like the time between the death of Jesus and his rising from the dead: He was in the tomb and nothing seemed to be happening. And yet he has gone down to Hades and opened the gates of heaven! So trust the Lord and keep talking to him. He never disappoints.

Sunday Special: I don't need to pray because God knows everything.

God is omnipotent, omniscient and omnipresent, why would you bore Him with your troubles, anxieties joys or needs if He knows it all already?

Prayer is an invitation. God is gentle with us, and he will not come without our permission. Unless you are St Paul, in which case God will strike you from a horse (where did that came from anyway?) and make you blind. But that was quite exceptional, Paul really needed a proper shake up. For most of us poor souls, we need to say yes, even a faint one. God will enter through the smallest crack in the doors, but we need to open these doors, the handle is on our side.

Jesus on multiple occasions pointed out that we would be given what we ask for. But we need to ask.

I feel that praying and asking God for what we need in our life is a wonderful way to order our lives as well. It helps us to consider what it is that we are lacking or running low on. When I pray, I've learnt to be really specific about what I ask for. Instead of saying make me a good teacher, I ask Lord, make me more patient and positive with this year 7 class. This helps me to discover the truth about myself and to look deeply into what is important to me at a particular moment in time.

Our asking in prayer is an acknowledgement that we are entirely dependent on God. It's an opportunity to build a deeper and more perfect relationship with Him. 

Beyond this supplicatory dimension of prayer, prayer should go beyond asking and also be an act of praise and thanksgiving. It should be a time for telling God how wonderful He is. Of course, He is fully aware of his own goodness, but it's like telling your other half that you love them: they hopefully know it by the way you act, but it's important so say it often as well. It's sometime difficult to just praise God, but I often turn to psalms for inspiration. Check out the first few verses of Psalm 145:

I will extol you, my God and King,

and bless your name for ever and ever. 

Every day I will bless you,

and praise your name for ever and ever.

Great is the Lord, and greatly to be praised;

his greatness is unsearchable.

Lex orandi, lex credendi, lex vivendi: as we worship, so we believe and live. Our life of prayer should reflect our belief in the Father, the Son and the Holy Spirit, Creator of heavens and earth, the one who was and is, and is to come. There are so many ways to worship. Some people simply bow down and adore the Lord. Some people read Psalms. Others sing with their hands stretched out to the heavens. Whatever you want to do, praise the Lord regularly. Maybe you need to set up a time for this. As mentioned in the previous post, I do it in the evening when I thank for everything that has happened in that day and just adore the Lord for a couple of minutes. But you can worship anywhere and anytime. God is waiting for you to turn to Him and acknowledge that He is God.

Sunday Special: I can pray whenever I feel like it.

I genuinely thought that I could go with the flow in terms of when and what I would be praying throughout the day. And I still think that there is an incredible power in a completely spontaneous prayer. Like when you see somebody in pain and just ask the Lord that He brings his healing into that heart. Or when you see a beautiful view and thank God for creating such a glorious world for us. 

But I came to realise that routines are important. They remove the decision making aspect and so you don't come up with excuses why you can't pray at that particular time: it has already been decided that that time was doable. It's a little bit like with religious sisters: they have their day scheduled so that they constantly look up to the heights, there is no escape from it and so their spiritual life is constantly refocused on Christ. And routines also give your day a prayerful rhythm, you know exactly when you will be turning to God and when you will really be intentionally focused on his love.

It's the same as your eating pattern: if you eat regularly, your body is norishrdn enough so that it can stop worrying about storing up energy for laterals can instead focus on its other functions. Or as your sleeping pattern: if you go to bed at the same time each day, and if you wake up at the same time each morning, your body is more refreshed and energetic.

For me a prayer routine is for the soul what eating or sleeping is for the body: the most effective and nourishing way to provide all that it needs to grow and become more beautiful. 

I am going to share some of my prayer routines with you now. It's by no means an exemplar one, it might not even be a particularly good one, but this is what helps me to grow in faith. It works for me personally given my pace of life, work patterns and personality, so take from it what you find most helpful.

The morning

The Church follows the rhythm of the Liturgy of the Hours: it is seven prayers, based on the Scriptures, spread across the entire day, from dawn to dusk and into the night. You can find these prayers for each day here. I don't do all seven, but each morning I recite Lauds, that is the Morning Prayer. I find it amazing that when I pray in the morning, I unite with all the faithful using the Liturgy of the Hours: the entire world reciting the same prayer. Isn't that amazing?

If I walk to work in the morning, I will pray on the way. I might say the rosary or listen to my worship playlist. I found that before this quarter of an hour was a bit of a dead time for me that wasn't spent on anything in particular. Prayer helps me to focus, gather my thoughts and generally I feel much calmer when I reach work if I concentrate on God beforehand. I truly believe that it makes me a better teacher during the day, because I am more aware of the need for patience and love for all my pupils.

The day

During the day, it is often really busy with the children, planning, photocopying etc, so it is usually the time for all the spontaneous prayers, whenever I need those. I might pray before a lesson with a particularly tricky group. I might thank for a really good lesson that has just happened. Or if I become aware that one of the children struggles with something, I can say a prayer for him or her.

The evening

In the evening, I do Lectio Divina, which is prayerful reading of the Scriptures. You read a passage through once and then go verse by verse, looking at the meaning of the text in a literal and spiritual dimension. I love this part of my day, I get to talk about Jesus for 15 minut non stop (though only to myself so far). This is a recent addition to my prayer routine: I haven't been particularly good at reading the Bible so far and I am so glad that I've finally found a way that really makes sense to me.

The night

Finally, just before going to sleep, I kneel down in my bedroom for a couple of minutes to thank God for very specific events of the day. This is often my favourite part of the day, not only because it's bed time, but also because I get to clearly see what blessings I've been given. It might also be the only time during the day when I get to kneel down under the cross hanging on my wall. I've found that kneeling down is so powerful and important, making me see the greatness of God so clearly and my reliance on Him for everything.

This is roughly what I do every day. It gives me a great comfort that each day is the same. Maybe it's to do with my personality, I love organising everything and so I have organised my prayer life quite meticulously. Not everybody will want this level of organisation, but even simply setting particular times for prayer is such a good practice. I feel that it is important to grow in faith. I suppose it's a little bit like scheduling a coffee date with a friend: you wouldn't just hand around town hoping that you would meet each other and have a coffee - you would schedule a time that you purposefully set aside for this activity. Prayer is like that. Even though God, unlike people, is constantly and permanently available for a chat, you are not, so make room for Him.

Sunday Special: I have no time to pray.

Here's a real story: I'm really bad with calling people, except my parents whom I call almost every day. All other people, even though I care deeply for them- I'm not so great at getting keeping in touch. There was a time when I didn't call my grandma for ages, and she fell poorly, I didn't know about it at all, and when I finally called, she said "I thought you have forgotten about me". Even now, thinking about it, I have tears in my eyes. My Babcia thought that I have forgotten. How could I? But I didn't talk to her for so long, and I missed so much from her life. The truth is, other things were priorities over somebody I love deeply.

Prayer is exactly like that. We don't find time to pray, because it doesn't seem important enough. But when you love someone, you have desire to spend time with that person. You want to talk to him and share your love for them. Talking to that important person in your life helps you to get to know him.

Do you love Jesus? Do you know Jesus? Do you want to know Him? Then you need to pray.

If you pray 7 minutes in the morning and 7 minutes in the evening, that 14 minutes of your day. That's about 1% of your day. I find this amount of time pathetic. It is simply not enough. It's a really good starting point, so if you struggle to find time to prayer, aim for that 14 minutes a day for now. But, ultimately, we should spend so much more time in prayer. It doesn't need to be a single block of time, it doesn't need to be the same sort of prayer. I have different kinds of prayer for different times of the day or different days. At the end of the day though, we need to really strive for what St Paul writes in 1 Thessalonians: "pray constantly" (5:16). Our whole life should be a hymn of God's glory.

I used to think that I had no time to pray, or no time to do all the prayers that I wanted to do over the course of the day. And then I had a close look at the way I spend my time outside of work and thought: "I spend so much time doing nothing in particular." You probably know the feeling of browsing aimlessly through Youtube, Facebook, Twitter or Instagram hoping to find some form of entertainment. Before you know it, an hour flies by and you haven't really achieved anything, ou haven't relaxed and you are just more restless than before.

Use that dead time for prayer. Put your phone under a cushion on the sofa so that you are not tempted to have a little peek at the screen, and talk to the Lord (I seriously do that, removing temptations is the best way of fighting temptations). Pray while you drive. Pray when you wash up the dishes. Controversial idea, pray in the shower. Pray wherever you are. The space is unimportant. Just turn your attention to God and praise him. Tell him all your sorrows and ask for healing.

And, if you have to, wake up early (or stay up late). When Mr Magic lived in the US, I used to wake up ridiculously early to talk to him before he went to bed. It was important, so I made time for this. It wasn't particularly pleasant, but that was the only way at the time. The thing is, God is waiting for you with such longing to hear about your day, to hear what's in the depths of your heart. Make time for Him. It's so worth it.

Sunday Special: He is RISEN!

Have you experienced the Resurrection in your life?

It's only this year that I fully embraced the meaning of Easter. My Lenten journey was full of ups and downs, but when I reached the time of Sacred Triduum, I suddenly felt ready. I haven't reached the heights of holiness, my sins remained a problem, but I felt an immense longing for the Risen Lord. I wanted Jesus to lift me up from the abyss of death into a place filled with light. From grave to Resurrection.

I am certain that I will continue to struggle with sin and that I will need all mercy I can get, but this Easter filled me with such hope. Hope that whatever might be going on in my life, Jesus is there with me, even in the pit of despair where it feels that God has forsaken me. 

The Mystery of Easter has shown me with all its power that hope is greater than despair, that life is greater than death, that love is greater than fear. I believe that when Jesus rose from the grave, he was thinking about me. About life eternal spent with me, his daughter. And I have no doubts he was thinking about each one you as well.

We have eight days of Easter celebrations ahead. Let's make it eight days of incredible joy and praise for the Risen Lord. He is truly risen. And he wants you to experience his love as manifested through his Resurrection.

‘I saw the Lord always before me,
for he is at my right hand so that I will not be shaken;
therefore my heart was glad, and my tongue rejoiced;
moreover my flesh will live in hope.
For you will not abandon my soul to Hades,
or let your Holy One experience corruption.
You have made known to me the ways of life;
you will make me full of gladness with your presence.’ 

Psalm 16 

Sunday Special: Economy of gratuitous gifts.

This is by far my favourite scene in the Bible:

Just before the Jewish Passover Jesus went up to Jerusalem, and in the Temple he found people selling cattle and sheep and pigeons, and the money-changers sitting at their counters there. Making a whip out of some cord, he drove them all out of the Temple, cattle and sheep as well, scattered the money-changers’ coins, knocked their tables over and said to the pigeon-sellers, ‘Take all this out of here and stop turning my Father’s house into a market.’ (John 2:13-16)

Jesus is angry because the temple of God became a market place where you buy and sell, where nothing comes for free. And this is completely against the nature of God: the Lamb of God comes to freely take away the sins of the world. You don't need to do anything to be overflowing with gifts from the Father.

Painting by Jeffrey Weston

I believe that this Gospel calls us all to be loving without measure. To stop making calculations whether helping this or that person is profitable. To be open to give up time and resources for others regardless of recognition that might come. Just do the loving thing. This is the only right thing to do. Because the truth is, that we have all been paid off already. 

Do you not know that your bodies are temples of the Holy Spirit, who is in you, whom you have received from God? You are not your own; you were bought at a price. (1 Corinthians 6: 19-20)

We are the temple out of which Jesus drives out the sellers and money-changers. We must become the places of God once again. Where the sacrifice of thanksgiving rings out from dawn till night time. I am constantly amazed how much I receive without even asking, and thanking the Lord each evening for specific blessings given in that day makes me realise how much I have and gives me even more reasons to give what I can freely. 

I would like to be more like the woman who has anointed Jesus' feet with precious oil and wiped them with her hair, without any sort of calculation. She has given all that she had most precious. Would I be so generous? I'm often so precious about things that I own, time that I have, words that I use. Every day I need to battle with the tradesman inside of my heart. Looking up at the cross, I see the perfect example of Love which doesn't expect anything in return for its gifts. Be holy as the Father is Holy. Be even a half, a quarter as generous as He is.

Sunday Special: Convenient time and place.

Rising very early before dawn, he left and went off to a deserted place, where he prayed.

I love this passage from the Gospel of Mark (1:35). After a series of healings, Jesus gets up in the middle of the night, goes off somewhere and prays.

Nobody noticed he was gone at the time, so I'm assuming that he could have stayed where he was and pray there. And yet Jesus decided to sacrifice his sleep and ensure that no one disturbed him. He wanted to spend high quality time with the Father.

How different this attitude is from my own attitude to prayer. So often I want prayer to be convenient. Squeeze it between afternoon tea and replying to emails. Do it while driving for 30 minutes so that I can get on with work when I'm at my destination. Pop into church on my way from grocery shopping to the petrol station. Say the rosary while doing my hated washing up.

Waking up half an hour earlier to get some quality prayer time? Going out of my way to find a place for prayer? No such thing happening in my life.

It makes me feel uncomfortable at this lack of prioritisation of prayer. I have a sort of prayer routine, but it is built around my day. I hardly ever think about prayer before scheduling other activities. It's an add on, rather than the focus. And I read this Gospel passage from Mark and I am ashamed. Ashamed by my poor prioritising, inattentive prayers, missed opportunities to be with the Lord. I am ashamed that so often I treat prayer as a matter of convenience rather than an act of love.

I imagine Jesus waking up, drawn to the Father out of his sleep. I imagine Jesus kneeling down and stretching his arms up to heaven. And I pray, Jesus, help me to put you at the centre of it all. Help me to organise my life around you. Because it's so so worth it: only in you I have life.

The mess of this Holy Night.

I'm not a fan of Christmas cards, even those strictly religious ones. The reason is that they all look so neat and perfect. Mary with her hair so tidy under the veil. Jesus sweetly sleeping wrapped in a blanket. St Joseph keeping watch over those two most precious people in his life. All farm animals calmly standing around as in awe. Depending on the nature of the scene you might have a shepherds bowing down, dressed simply, but always cleanly. Or the three wise men with their precious gifts looking all glorious. The stars are shining over the scene. The darkness of the night has been illuminated by the coming of Emmanuel, God with us.

The Nativity by Correggio

Sounds like a fairy tale, doesn't it?

Now contrast it with the mess it must have actually been that night.

Wind blowing through this makeshift shelter. Mary with hair stuck to her wet with perspiration forehead. She probably didn't look particularly glorious after all the efforts of labour. Jesus probably wasn't washed (could they find any water in the middle of the night?), the smell of the animals must not have been pleasant. My favourite screen adaptation of the Christmas story is The Nativity series from 2010. I think it is beautiful how honest and human this particular adaptation is: with Joseph being utterly confused by the events over the nine months until the Holy Night of Christmas, Mary scared by the prospect of giving birth on a dirty floor and those faithful shepherds adoring their King. 

The Nativity by Gari Melchers, 1891

The reason why I want to think about the Christmas Night as an utterly messy affair is because in all this mess, improvised solutions and less than ideal circumstances, God was there! Christ has come into this mess. And as He has come into the mess in Bethlehem over two thousands years ago, so He comes into the mess of our lives today. He doesn't mind that we are not quite ready, that we haven't quite tidied up all those bits that should have got tidies up years ago, that we are in less than presentable outfit, that our house in not warmed up enough and that we haven't got anything to welcome Him with.

Jesus comes into my life every day, even though I am an terrible sinner and I stumble every day. But He wants to be with me in my mess. He wants to sanctify my mess. He wants to make me Holy, so that I can start dealing with my mess one thing at a time. I might never finish this task. But by the grace of God I might be able to sweep some dust from the floor of the stable and maybe even wipe Mary's forehead.

Christmas is such a grace, such a blessed time. God becomes one of us, so that we can become the sons and daughters of God. With our messy lives, unfinished businesses, relationships tangled with lack of love. He has come! He is God with Us, Emmanuel. Let Him into your chaos and let Him do wonders.