Literary Corner: 6 minute writing challenge.

I would like to write more. But it's difficult. I am easily distracted by other people, tasks on my to-do list, new ideas coming into my head. There never seem to be enough time in the week to sit down for more than a couple of minutes and just write. Without interruptions, without thinking too much about the coherence of the sentences, word order or the relevance of the topic.

So I came up with a challenge. For the next 6 weeks, each Saturday morning, I will write uninterruptedly for 6 minutes.

This idea came to me during an English session with one of my students. We were working on persuasive language and using adjective to describe nouns. The task was to write an advert for holidays in Spain. We had some picture prompts to help out imagination. And I must say that I probably enjoyed this exercise much more than my student. I absolutely loved coming up with different ideas about the surroundings, the salty smell of the air, warm golden sand, the loud sound of cicadas...

Such fond memories from about 10 years ago I think.
Family holidays in Croatia

I miss creative writing. I usually write rather functional pieces so to say. Now I want to try writing something completely different.

So here we are. For the next six Saturday mornings, I will spend six minutes writing. I won't produce long, elaborate works of art, but hopefully some good paragraphs. I will post my less than perfect creations here. I am considering if I want to do some editing before publishing each item, not sure yet. Maybe I will post an unedited version and then an edited, somewhat improved version...

To help me, I am going to use an image generator. It's basic, but this is exactly what I need. Nothing fancy, just an image that I can write about. I am really excited to get started in a few days time. Let's get this creative juice flowing again.

Don’t sweat the small stuff.

I consider myself a rather calm and composed person, but there are times when the smallest of things drives me into a rage. If you've ever seen me truly angry (and not many people have), you know that it is not pretty. And, more importantly, it is not healthy. Daily stressful events can cause havoc in our fragile bodies. Research suggests that it is not about the frequency with which we experience daily hassles, but with out perception of their severity.

With this in mind, I conducted a reframing exercise. I considered those small, irritating everyday events that drive me crazy, and I changed tried to change them into something positive. The idea was to have a bank of positive thoughts readily available to draw on in stressful situations.

What are the things that irritate me on a daily basis? Let's take driving. I hate having nowhere to park. I'm not sure why it gets to me so much, I live in a pretty busy area and should really expect the parking spaces to be few and far between. In truth, it's usually not that there is nowhere to park, rather that the available spaces are not convenient enough. So this is really just a wonderful opportunity to up my step count and get some extra low impact exercise into my day. A small change in outlook and now every time I get frustrated with parking, I can think about all the benefits I will reap from walking more.

Walking more with my borrowed doggy.

Waiting is also an everyday hassle which all of us need to endure. It often feels like a big chunk of my life is waiting. Waiting for a bus, waiting in a queue, waiting for my coffee, waiting for customer service, waiting for an important phone call... So much time spent waiting! Interestingly, I am extremely patient with my pupils, but I am so terrible at waiting for things. No patience there (probably because it runs out during my teaching hours). The thing is, though, that waiting is unavoidable and largely outside my control. So, if I cannot do anything about it, I'm not going to stress out about those plentiful waiting moments. Even better, I could actually make good use of them. I often pray while queuing at a supermarket, because I always moan that there is not enough time in the day to pray and do all the work I need to do. Those few minutes spent by the till are perfect for a quick prayer and refocusing my day. I also try to carry a book with me, especially if I go somewhere where I know I am likely to need to wait (medical centre, for instance: you always have to wait. There wasn't a single time when I was actually seen on time). This allows me to read at least a couple of pages, keeping my brain busy.

And children! How annoying they are in public spaces. Especially in confined spaces, such as cafes, restaurants or shops. Don't get me wrong, some children are little angels and they don't bother me at all. But others are a nightmare to be around, shrieking, kicking, running around yelling. I will almost run to a different shopping aisle to avoid any sensory contact with a loud child. This is probably one of the trickiest daily hassles to reframe. How do I start thinking differently about this awful encounter with a loud little person (most likely also travelling at alarmingly high speeds. Possibly also pushing a full sized shopping trolley)? I can't really turn it to my advantage in a similar way to the previous two cases. But I can think about it more positively. I know that parents do an incredibly difficult job raising their children. They have the right to go out for a coffee when they want, though they might not have anybody to leave their child with at home. Or maybe they just want to take their children with them, because they work all day during the week and actually that shopping trip on a Saturday is one of a few precious moments they have to spend together. I guess I just need to learn to endure loud children in public spaces. It's just one of those unavoidable inconveniences of life. Just breathe in and out 10 times and run to that next aisle to hide between toilet rolls and coke bottles until the little monster is out of sight and earshot. 

It is not worth risking my health over minor annoyances, right? So let's reframe those daily hassles into opportunities to do (or think) something positive in those moments of annoyance. 

Life update.

The last time I posted on this blog was almost two months ago. I'm not sure even where to being, there has been so many changes in my life and so much happened.

I went home for Easter which wasn't entirely planned, but I loved every minute of it. It was relaxing, it was refreshing, it was energising. Since my stay only lasted one week, I didn't get sucked into the whirlwind of domestic drama, but could truly enjoy doing things that I love: baking, reading, playing with a dog.

On that note, I have almost got a dog last month. I was so, so close to getting a furry friend, but the brain won over the heart. It wouldn't be fair on the dog to leave it home for long periods of time while I'm working and it would hugely restrict our ability to travel. HOWEVER, I did find a way around it! I finally got my head round signing up to Borrow My Doggy and bought a membership for £12.99 and these were the best spent money ever as I found a beautiful dachshund in the area which I will be looking after on Fridays. It will be glorious.

Now, the reason why I can be a pet sitter on Fridays is that I have quit my job. I warned you that a lot has happened in the past two months. I was really unhappy at work for a long time and it has taken both a physical and a psychological toll on me, so the only sensible decision was to leave. I have to say it was a massive leap of faith on my part: I was leaving a secure, albeit extremely stressful, job and with it a secure stream of income. And even though money doesn't equal happiness, the mortgage needs to be paid and so do bills etc., so I was more than a little worried about the future.

But this feeling didn't last long. In the Gospel according to St Matthew, Jesus says "Do not worry about tomorrow." I was convinced that I have made the right choice and that everything will work out fince. And so far I was blessed with such an abundance of opportunities! I have several tutoring assignments through a teaching agency and I am beginning to build a client base for my own business. It is a little scary to be effectively self-employed and having such a huge responsibility for everything from finding clients, preparing materials, setting up finances and keeping an organised diary. At the same time, I have so much freedom and such a great balance between work and study, and life. I do have to work evenings and I don't earn quite as much as before, but it's totally worth it. I can decide to do some exercising in the middle of the day. I can cook a healthy lunch at home rather than eating cold past at my desk. I have time to write and read. And, as MM can confirm, I am visibly healthier.

There has been so much going on in the past couple of weeks. I hope to be able to slow down a little in the next few weeks, take more time to build up my weekly leisure schedule (look out for that post in the near future!). And to write more blog post, of course :)

Digital declutter.

I have recently left my phone at home when I went for a walk and the urge to reach into my pocket and check if anything popped up on the screen was terrifying. I didn't need it do it. It wouldn't add any value to my life. And yet I craved it so much!

It got me thinking really hard about my relationship with technology. I'm not spending hours and hours of my life online, although I do catch myself going down a rabbit hole of videos, pictures and posts sometimes. I can endlessly search for something on the internet and click link after link.

So I thought that, given that it is Lent now, I will perform a digital declutter as suggested by Cal Newport. I recommend his newest book Digital Minimalism as an interesting background reading and a lot of inspiration. I listed all my optional technology use, decided what to ban and what to limit to a defined set of operational procedures.

Can I stick with it until the end of Lent? Maybe. I know some things will be easier than others. I can probably survive without browsing Facebook, but can I stop compulsively checking my email? Deleting social media from my phone was easy enough, but will I be able not to reach for it so often?

The key to success, according to Newport, is to replace optional technology use with high quality leisure activities. This is probably the more challenging part of the digital declutter. I am used to mindlessly engage in web-browsing, watching videos and checking news sites. Changing this habit into thinking through how I spend my free time requires that I treat leisure seriously, as an important part of my life. I plan my work activities, why shouldn't I plan what I do when I don't work or sleep?

My aim is to plan a leisure activity for each evening. So far I have scheduled in reading, which I do pretty much every day anyway, Clubbercise, baking, making a scrapbook, walking, playing the piano, stretching exercise and joining a book club. I really hope that I would be able to find new joy of leisure in the coming weeks and maybe even discover long-forgotten talents and hobbies.

I suppose that it is quite lucky that my digital declutter coincides with Lent: I need to refocus on my faith and all the digital media often interfere with it. I hope to empty my mind of the cacophony of voices and find peace.

Decluttering my fantasy self.

We all have our fantasy self: that person who we aspire to be, but never actually become. It usually shows through a collection of objects bought with an intention that you start exercising, cooking more interesting dishes, revisit that hobby you abandoned in college. Items that we would like to use, an in ideal world probably would actually use, but the realities of life prevent us from doing so.

Realism is absolutely crucial when you want to declutter your fantasy self. I have so many ideas about the person I want to be and the activities I want to do, but, in all honesty, I scarcely have time or money to pursue them.

Take horse riding for instance. I absolutely loved horse riding when I was at school. And I also rode a few time over the course of doing my degree. I had a complete gear, chaps, hard hat, boots, jodhpurs, gloves, but for years now it has sat in the cupboard. Finally, when I moved to the new flat, I decided that enough is enough.

All my horse riding gear has been sold on ebay. Part of me was reluctant, because I kept thinking 'what if I end up wanting to ride again?' But I haven't ridden for years and if in a few years time I want to ride, I can just wear my standard boots and rent the hard hat at the stables. But it will probably take some years, because spending £50 or more on an hour long session really is not in my weekly budget at the moment.

Second thing that was declutter was my slr digital camera. I've never came round to actually using it properly and out of those tens of modes available and different settings I only ever used auto and macro. Yes, once upon a time I did enjoy taking pictures, but I completely lack commitment to learning the art of photography. Also, such cameras are so bulky, you always seem to need a collection of other items at hand, different lenses, filters, tripods etc. It's so much easier to take a picture with my phone. And I don't even do it that often anymore. The vast majority of my pictures end up somewhere on my laptop drive never to be looked at again, so now, instead of compulsively taking pictures, I just enjoy the moment and look at things with my own two eyes.

So often I am caught up with thinking about the person who I could be in some parallel universe, that I spend very little time working on the person who I actually am. I might not take part in riding competitions or become a professional photographer, but I can dedicate my attention and resources to writing, reading and baking. Life is too short to try to enjoy things that don't really spark any joy within you.

Cultivate what matters.

There are so many demands on our attention that sometimes it is difficult to see the bigger picture. We get bogged down by day-to-day problems, chores to do, errands to run and it often leaves me with the question 'is that it?' Is my life about short episodes of busyness, worry, joy or delight, caught between each other, but ultimately rather fleeting? I crave for a thread that would join all the pieces together, that would give purpose of it all.

As I was setting my goals for the year ahead, I really had to think what mattered. There isn't enough time to devote your time to peripheral things.

One my my colleagues keeps telling me that health is the most important thing in life and that I need to look after myself first. It's a challenge for me as so often I automatically put other people first. But recently my physical and emotional health has taken a massive hit due to stress and simple winter illness and I am become increasingly aware that my wellbeing, understood in very much a holistic sense, is important. There is only one me. So I better take time to do those stretching exercises, plan nutritious meals and schedule health checks.

I've been living on my own for a while now and nurturing important relationship has been something that I am notoriously bad at. Beyond Mr Magic and my parents, I really need to take more time to become a better friend. I have some periods when I'm on the top of things, texting and calling the people who matter to me, but I know that when things go a little crazy at work, I let those slip. Thankfully my friends are extremely forgiving, but I know I need to appreciate them more.

Looking at these two areas, health and relationships, I can't help but to notice how grateful I am for what I've got. Overall, I'm a healthy person with some solid friendships. And beyond these, I have a beautiful home, a decent job, fridge full of food and plans for a bright future. Gratefulness is so important, because it changes your outlook on life. Instead of seeing the glass as half empty, it becomes half full. There are some psychological studies showing that practising gratitude improves life satisfaction. From my own personal experience, I can say that if I pause every day to nice all the blessings I was showered with that day, I am a much happier and optimistic person.

As my journey through 2019 continues, I know I need to stop worrying about the details and start looking at the things that truly make a difference to how I feel and think. It will be a long journey.

Coping with shorter and colder months.

What?!

I've checked weather on my phone the other day and was shocked to see what time sun rise and sun set actually were at this time of the year. I leave house around 6:30 am each morning and get back at around 5, maybe 5:30 pm so in these colder months I barely see sunlight except short bursts at break time when I need to go outside to pick up my students for the next class. Other than that, however, I don't get a chance to enjoy the little sunshine we get in winter months. This, coupled with colder weather (although it has been rather mild most of the time this year), can really make it a challenge to go about your daily life: from getting out of bed in the morning, through going about your daily responsibilities, to staying healthy and relaxing with purpose.

I've put together a short guide to what you can do make winter months a little more bearable.

Wake up light

This is a life-saver. I can honestly recommend using wake up lights in the winter months when you wake up only to discover that it's still dark outside. I was gifted mine by Mr Magic and it's honestly the best present I ever got. It's the third winter I'm using it and usually after a few weeks I don't even need the sound anymore, the light alone wakes me up. I pack it up in spring and put at the bottom of my wardrobe ready for next winter. There's loads of those wake up lights out there now, I think the one I have is about £90, it's a lot of money, but as I said, worth every penny (or maybe you can suggest it as a Christmas gift?). If you're struggling to get out of bed in winter, it's definitely a great option.

Flavoured tea

I don't usually drink flavoured tea, but it's really nice to try some new stuff in winter to warm you up from the inside. I've had chocolate flake tea which was really good, apple and cinnamon is also one of my winter favourites. There is something very comforting in drinking something else than ordinary breakfast tea or even earl grey.

Cosy socks

I have a bunch of cosy wool blend socks in my drawer which are perfect for long winter evenings. My favourite ones were bought in Estonia last year. They have a lovely pattern and are so warm! I struggle keeping my hands and feet warm most of the time, so having nice cosy socks is absolutely essential. I don't often wear socks because I mostly wear skirts and dresses so tights are what I usually wear, but I actually have a completely separate winter socks collection for when ordinary cotton socks are not enough.

Gratitude

I feel like this word is being thrown around a lot, but being grateful can really make a difference to even the coldest of days when life seems to be too much. Each evening I thank God for specific things that happened that day (you can read about my praying routine here). It is a good practice to reflect on all the good things that happened to you. Even the smallest of things. I sometimes just thank God for the food that I've eaten or the time I had to read a book. On other days it might be something more special. In any case, practising gratitude helps me to keep a healthy perspective on things, to remember the positive aspects of my life.

Make time.

I've been working ridiculously long hours last week (again!) and it felt that I was never quite up to date with anything. Dishes have been piling up in the sink, laundry basket was overflowing, the kitchen floor was covered with crumbs and the freezer got completely wiped out of emergency food supplies.

I didn't have time to read, to exercise, to pray, to think. I would do with an extra hour or two in a day.

But that obviously is not going to happen, so I've been thinking really hard how to make time for the things that matter.

My time is taken up by a lot of work responsibilities, family affairs, household duties, hobbies, social  commitments and faith related activities. All of these might be good in themselves, but it is not possible to do everything. It is not possible to attend to all the aspects of my life with the same care and devotion. So I am at the stage where I really want to pare down to the activities that are truly important to me. Things that will help me to flourish and become a better person.

Now that I decluttered my physical possessions, the time has come to declutter my diary. I made a list of activities I want to take time to do, how long they take and how often I want to make time for them. The list is not extensive. A few daily activities, a few weekly ones. It turned out there is not a great number of things I want to spend my time on. And yet I never seem to have enough time, because I don't prioritise these things over all other demands on my time.

I need to be more intentional about how I spend my time. Less procrastinating and watching youtube videos. More reading good book, praying and talking to my family. Less marking until late, more exercising.

At the end of the day, life is so short. I want to spend it doing worthwhile things. I need to make time for what brings me joy and fulfillment.

Autumn favourites.

September has come and gone, now we're in the month of October when leaves start turning into all shades of orange, yellow and red, fall off the trees and shorter days mean that I can spend more time wrapped in my blanket reading books. Today I want to share with you some of my Autumn favourites: things I really enjoyed, found helpful or that simply enriched my life in one way or another.

The Canterbury Tales a retelling by Peter Ackroyd.

Written in the 14th century in Middle English, this beautiful work of literature is retold using modern language, without using any of the grace of the writing. It's such an interesting window into the life and mindset of people of that time: by the looks of it, a mindset filled with fear of sexual infidelity, the tension between the spiritual and the corporal, and the interest in ancient mythology. I thoroughly enjoyed all 25 stories in the gathered by Chaucer, laughed at many and got moved by others. Highly recommended for everyone who needs a very different book than most of novels around.

Loose leaf tea

I stopped buying teabags and I am so enjoying brewing loose leaf tea. It might be less convenient, but the taste is amazing each time, so much better than any other teabag tea I've had. I've just purchased another batch of different types of teas, earl grey, chamomile, peppermint, english breakfast and popcorn tea to fill up my containers. Making my tea now is like a celebration and a leisure activity. Such joy!

Neutral flats

I don't usually buy shoes in any colour other than black, occasionally navy, but I bought a pair of neutral pink flats from Ecco so that I have some school shoes (killed the ballerinas from last year, holes in the soles and all) and I am very pleased with them. I was initially skeptical about wearing light-coloured shoes, bu I've covered it with protective spray and it hasn't been raining, so they still look great, even after days and days of intense wearing round the school. These flats are such a nice addition to my wardrobe. They took a couple of weeks to get really comfy, but they go with everything and are very light, so I hope they last until the summer. I do wreck shoes quickly, because I have so few they get used almost every day.

DIY deodorant

Made from coconut oil, cornstarch, baking soda and a few drops of essential oil, this DIY deodorant works so well, I'm not ever going back to a store bought one. I made it out of necessity as I run out and didn't have time to pop to the shops. Smells lovely (I've added lemongrass oil) and keeps me nice and fresh all day long. It's a definite keeper. It might be a little unusual to make your own toiletries, but in search for more sustainable and more affordable life, I've found that I can really pare down the personal products I use.

Wednesdays
Mr Magic has been coming down for Wednesday and it's so good to get back from work and have your loved one waiting for you and cooking food. Midweek can sometimes be horrible, with tiredness kicking in and weekend not yet in sight. You still have so much to do and only a couple of days to go. Having something to look forward to on a Wednesday is wonderful for my wellbeing and it helps me with work-life balance which hasn't been great so far. It's a weekly treat, a space to pause and breathe. I cannot put in long hours of work in the evening when Mr Magic is here, so I switch off my work-mode more easily than on a normal week night.

Monthly planner
I've shared my planning routine with you before, but I've realised that weekly spread does not work that well for me and now I just use the monthly pages. I don't have many appointments during the week beyond things that are not time sensitive, so I don't need all the space for putting activities and times in. My planner ended up looking rather sad some weeks when I only got to work and the only extra thing on my schedule was hoovering. Now I write down the most important appointments and schedule in house activities on two pages rather than on eight different ones for each month.  I got my monthly planner for 2019 already and I'm going to purchase some stickers also to go with it, this is super exciting. Look out for a planning update early next year.

There has been many more things I really enjoyed in the past month, including baking, bits and bobs of diy, reading many books and looking after my plants. Life has been busy, but it has been good.  Heating is on after a sudden drop in temperature. I'm buying a dishwasher to make my life more convenient and to save time. We've been planning New Year's trip. Another three weeks until the half term. And there's a lot of cake on the horizon.

Dealing with changes.

A couple of months ago I made a move to a completely new place. I have a new job. I am (slowly) making new friends. I have a new rhythm of life in so many different ways. I don't wake up at 5am anymore, for instance. 

Changes are stressful. Even those planned changes that you have anticipated for months. Changes that have been meticulously considered and planned are still stressful. I am not so good with change. This is somewhat ironic, given the frequency with which I've been changing where I lived. I suppose I must have developed some tactics o help me dealt with changes. To make those frequent changes not so scary and not so painful.

1. Have a constant.

It can be a person, a thing, a place. For me, my parents and Mr Magic provide such a constant. They are always just on the other side of the phone line. I can always turn to them for comfort and advice. In this funny period between moving away from old friends and meeting new one, they provide me with all the love and attention I need.

2. Develop routines. Quickly.

Changes might mean that your old routines need to change too. But it is important to have a routine to fall back on. I retained the general structure of my daily routine, but had to make some alterations because my flat is different, my work is further away from home, Mr Magic is a much more frequent visitor over here. All of this meant that old routines developed over the last year no longer work for me. But I desperately need routines. I'm still not where I want to be with these, but I'm getting there. My days are becoming more organised each week.

3. Get to know the surroundings.

It really helps me if I know where everything is at home. It also gives me comfort to know where important places are in the area. The church, the shop, the dentist, the health centre, the pharmacy, the petrol station. I like to check the location of these on the map before the move to have a vague mental picture of where everything is. And then I try to memorise the way to those places as quickly as possible to stop using the sat nav. It gives a sense of being at home.

4. Have loads of food.

When I'm stressed, cooking is the last thing I want to do after a busy day. I have no patience for chopping vegetables, opening cans, peeling, simmering and washing up all the pots and utensils. But eating pizza or chinese every night is not fu either, despite its initial attraction.. So I like to have loads of delicious food at hand. It could be pizza, ready meals, loads of bread, eggs and baked beans. The key is to fill up the freezer or the fridge with food that is easy to reheat and that will bring you joy. I filled up my freezer with tartlets, bakes, curries, brownies, hot cross buns... I'm a big fan of batch cooking and I'm a freezer queen. It's a life saver.

5. Stop and relax.

Adjusting to a new environment is tiring. There is so much to do. It is also emotionally exhausting. What I have learnt in the past few weeks was that as some point I just need to stop and switch off. Stop cleaning, preparing, writing, reading, organising. Stop worrying. I just need to make a cup of tea and relax. Take a bath. Watch GBBO. Go for a walk. Whatever it takes to stay sane.

Changes are difficult, but you can make them a little more bearable with some planning and with a little down to earth attitude. Changes are temporary in the end. Not before long a change becomes a new normal. Let's just joyfully persevere until them.

Digital detox.

I've decided to set myself a challenge for the month of August and since I've been using my phone far too much in the past few weeks (though I had good reasons for it), so this seems like a good place to start. I want to do a little detox to focus on things that are actually important and enriching.

I don't think I have a massive problem with excessive use of technology, especially that most of the time I'm simply to busy to spend hours on social media, but summer holidays are tricky, especially that I'm not going away anywhere this year. I know very well that looking down at my phone for prolonged periods of time causes back pain and eye strain, not to mention the impact on emotional wellbeing. So I'm keen to make some changes to improve my life.

Here are the rules:

Laptop is a little tricky, because I need to actually use it to finish off my Master's assignment, but I will watch out for those moments of scrolling down Facebook Marketplace in search for furniture (joy of moving into an empty flat). For my laptop, I will set specific times for "mindless" browsing and looking for things. Skyping my family is another thing I'm going to use my laptop for. And working on the assignment. That' it. Well, I suppose blogging will be another exception, but I'm pretty efficient in writing these pieces once I get an idea what I want to write about.

As for the phone, I'll only use it for making calls and receiving calls and for my cycle tracker and spending tracker. That's it. I actually have an actual alarm clock, so I don't even need to use my phone for that. I'm going to put my phone in my bag so that I don't feel tempted to pick it up. I think it will be a challenge, because I often pick my phone up just out of habit rather than out of genuine need. I already changed the screen to greyscale, that actually helped a lot because grey screen is not as attractive as a screen with lovely bright colours. I'm also deleting the apps that I don't need, especially Facebook. The more inconvenient it is to access something (in this case, turn on my laptop, type in the web address and log into the website), the less likely I am to use it.

Starting tomorrow, 1st August, I'll use technology responsibly. No scrolling through pages and pages of posts which are not enriching my life in any way.

It will be a long month...

Making peace with my body.

My body will not be beach ready this year.

I don't actually think it will ever be.

Firstly, I don't like sitting on the beach. I don't like the sand, it's usually uncomfortable, too hot and generally it's a rather unpleasant experience for me.

Secondly, I was walking down the seafront the other day, looking at ladies in bikinis and I looked down at my legs thinking 'Gosh, I need to sort it out'. Followed immediately by 'What are you on about, Kat?!'

I don't want to think about my body in this way. I don't want to feel insufficient, imperfect, not good enough. I have so much pressure on me coming from different directions that I definitely do not need it to come from within my head as well.

I'm actually quite happy with my body. It does have a few cm extra here and there, but I don't need the pressure of trying to squeeze into size 34 (those shorts have been donated now, thankfully). I have a rather utilitarian attitude towards my body. It needs to do its job. That's all I'm expecting. Carry em through my life without any major problems. Anything else is a helpful extra.

I will continue my evening light aerobic exercises (aka walking) not to control my weight, but to feel better physically and mentally. It's a good way of looking after my heart and my back. I might occasionally turn up at a fitness class, but not with a view of losing a couple of pounds. I simply enjoy jumping around and this is my opportunity to stop thinking about any worries: all my brainpower is engaged in trying to coordinate my legs and arms. Really all I care about is to keep healthy so that my body can serve me well for years to come.

Ahoy!

Content with what you have.

In the New Year, there will be no new me. 

It doesn't mean that there won't be any minor adjustments to become a better me. But the last thing I need in the New Year is more change.

I've realised that what I truly need is constancy. In 2017 I've experience an overabundance of change, travels, looking for new opportunities and re-ordering my life. Now, at the end of December, I've reached a point where I can actually say "This is where I want to be heading. This is what I need in life."

So in the coming New Year I wish you this:

That we all find our inner peace. Without the strife to change everything, to find something better/larger/more expensive. May we learn to be content with what we've got. Stop chasing some undefined thing that will supposedly lead us to happiness. Instead, may we find courage and time to spend time with people we love, do things we love and share with others what truly matters to us.

Detox.

I'm spending holidays in the heart of the Polish countryside. The internet connection here is less than satisfactory to say the least and this prompted me to a reflection on the use of the internet.

I've read a number of articles by people who either ditched the internet completely for a prolonged period of time, or got rid off the internet from their house and only ever used it at work or when out and about.

Many claimed that they have become more thoughtful, more focused and generally felt more mentally healthy than when staying online. Some claimed that it was a tedious and not so beneficial an experiment, given that they felt isolated from normal life, which these days happens as much off- as on-line.

Before going on holidays, I've actually logged off Facebook on my phone and my laptop, so no notifications are coming through to me at the moment and I don't feel the urge to constantly scroll down my home page in search for something interesting to look at or read.

But going off the internet grid completely is not something that I am particularly keen on. I've lived for ages without Facebook account, but this was not sustainable: whether I like it or not, people do use Facebook to communicate with each other and I do want to be a part of it.

After an extensive read of different experiences of reducing internet use in one way or another, I've come up with a system that will allow me to reap the benefits, but hopefully also limit the negative effects of constant online presence.

Lo and behold, here it comes.

I liked the idea of getting rid of the internet from my house, but this is not feasible. What is actually doable is using the internet intentionally. So going on the internet with a well defined purpose, rather than freely roaming around. For instance, when I turned my laptop on to write this blog post, I knew that this is the main reason why I'm online. I also knew that I had to buy a few specific bits on ebay and check a few pieces of information. I've even produced a hand-written list of things that I want to do when I get a chance to be online. So being online has become something that I need to make the time for, rather than the default mode.

It's so easy to just reach for your phone these days and start aimlessly go through page after page of stuff that does not really enrich your life in any way. Instead, I finally have a chance to read newspapers, think about stuff, appreciate the nature and make the most of the time with my family. I do rely on the internet in many respects, Google Maps are extremely convenient for instance when you need to find the way quickly or when you need to find the nearest cafe serving crepes, but other than that I'm trying to take over the reigns of my internet use.

Once I'm back at work, I plan to have clearly defined times of internet use. No more binge watching Netflix shows or looking at shoes I'll never buy anyway. Instead, a defined slot of time with defined tasks to accomplish.

You might think that this is unduly restrictive, but the fact of the matter is that humans are wired to have restrictions. Our brains love structure. And this will provide me with a structure to get things done efficiently. I also hope that this little experiment of mine will also free up some space in my brain to do some proper thinking and really excel at what I'm doing. 

In any case, I treat this more or less forceful internet detox as a blessing. No, I can't have proper Skype conversation with Mr Magic, and no, I cannot watch even most enriching YouTube videos without constant interruption, but I read a lot, go on walks with my dog and appreciate the surroundings, which is impossible with out face stuck to the screen.

Don't fret, though, I'll be back next week, hopefully with some pictures of the beautiful Polish countryside.

I leave you with this quote from Gretchen Rubin:

Turn off your email; turn off your phone; disconnect from the Internet; figure out a way to set limits so you can concentrate when you need to, and disengage when you need to. Technology is a good servant but a bad master.

Seven-hour ordeal.

I'm writing this having just woken up from almost a seven-hour migraine ordeal.

I've suffered from migraines from an early age, I think I must have been around 12 when I started getting migraines. Apparently I've had a doubtful pleasure of inheriting it from the female members of my family. And so for over ten years now, I have a recurring experience of what my mum describes as "a headaches that make your eyes stick to the back of your head". It doesn't sound particularly nice, does it?

People who don't get migraines cannot really understand how debilitating the pain is. It's not a normal headache that you can treat with plenty of water and paracetamol. I'm always annoyed at people advising me to 'take something for it'. I freaking DID, but migraines are such that they are super resistant towards painkillers.

I terms of migraine remedies I tried pretty much everything, from lying down on cold bathroom tiles, through ice packs, cold and hot showers, baths, drinking water, sleeping in a dark room, to all sort of preventive and ad hoc medications. I'm at the point that I slowly come to terms with the pain as simply a part of my life, but I still have days when I'm simply in tears, asking myself why I need to go through all of this.

Not only is the pain unbearable, but the migraine actually interferes with your whole life. You can't eat, walk, read, exercise, cook. What is left is just sleep, or trying to get to sleep. Hence you miss a lot of days of work and study, while you'd really rather get on with your life.

There is currently no cure for migraine, but I am hopeful. I've been on preventive medicine for a while now and it seems to be working in general, I definitely have less migraines than before. My migraine tracker (yes, it's a thing, and is really helpful) says that I went on for over a month without a migraine which is a good score for me. But I'm waiting for the future without migraines. When I won't need to worry if I wake up to a terrible pain or not.

In the meantime, I just need to be reasonable about everything I do and think about what I eat and when, how much sleep I get and whether I'm becoming too stressed or not. It's a lot to think about when you're go about your normal life. But that's the only way for now.

No more sugar.

I decided to quit sugar for a variety of reasons. It coincided with my body image issues and reducing sugar consumption could lead directly to weight-loss (or at least no weight-gain), so it seemed like a relatively easy option. It was also because the medication that I was taking at the time could lead to increased appetite and I was conscious of my struggle to only have one biscuit. It was also because since childhood, Dad kept saying that sugar is white death (together with salt and flour), so you should avoid sugary foods.

And so I've dumped sugar in favour of protein and healthy fats. I got really creative with my baking, replacing sugar with malt syrup. Veggies filled my fridge and random bits of healthy foods took place in the cupboard.

Is it easy? Not at all.

You do require quite a bit of free will to resist all the rice puddings, biscuits, cakes

Is it worth it? Certainly.

You might ask why all that fuss, but I do believe that you are what you eat, so diet is something that I pay particular attention to now.

There's been visible benefits already. I'm generally less hungry and less tired. I did, admittedly, get a little grumpy for a while, but I'm slowly overcoming this. My body slowly realises, that sugar will not be its fuel. I'm more mindful of what I eat. Quick fixes (see that ready-made pizza) still happen, but much less frequently. I don't get headaches so much if I don't have time to eat regularly. Wins all on sides.

The key is to be reasonable and kind to yourself. I do eat normal desserts sometimes. But I take even more pleasure with them, and I appreciate them more, because it is such an usual occurrence these days.

And now for the recipes.

I've been exploring IQS website and there's been quite a few good finds on there. My favourite is pumpkin protein bars. I was sceptical, and modified the recipe slightly (no protein powder, and baked the thing for 30 minutes), but the result is really tasty, perfectly satisfying all my cravings in the morning. Sweet potato brownies were not bad either, but next time I will actually melt the chocolate rather than keep it in bits to make up for the lack of the slow cooker.

And so I continue the sugar free adventures. Experiments on the horizon include energy balls and pumpkin amaranth porridge!

Keen gym bean.

It's become a little bit busier at the leisure centre. I blame it on New Year's resolutions. Everybody is keen to finally get back in shape and start a new healthier life. Although I'm all for being healthy and fit, I actually can't wait for mid-to-late February when all those keen beans become less keen and there will be more space in the pool and in the dance studio.

In any case, January is the worst possible time to start exercise routine. It's probably dark (and most likely foggy) when you leave in the morning, so forget about a happy 6am swim. It's too depressing not seeing any sunlight on your way to the gym. In the evening, it doesn't get much better. Dark again, already at 6pm when you finally make it home from work. And cold. You're cold on the way there, and on the way back you're far too hot, so you undo your coat and probably get ill: being awfully sweaty and cold winter wind do not go together well. Yes, getting out of the house in winter is a challenge in itself, not to mention the challenge of actually surviving this hour in a crazy fast-paced danceatomic class.

Having said that, I do make myself get out of the house a few times a week. My fitness routine has admittedly been rather patchy recently, but I'm trying a three week swimming programme, so I suppose I'm one of the keen beans as well. Only I'm planning to carry on for the next 10 weeks. Fingers crossed. I've even purchased a pull buoy to motivate myself.

It's just getting out of the house in this cold that stops me from becoming a fit keen gym bean. The Even Smaller Island is really quite cold in January. I can't wait for March when it will finally get a bit warmer, without the fog pretty much each morning and with more sunshine. Just need to hold on to those glow sticks and to the pull buoy until then!

Reading spot.

This is my little reading spot. I've discovered it on the way back from church one Sunday and now I go there pretty much every week to spend some quality me time reading. 

It's absolutely perfect, because:

1. it has a sea-view;
2. it doesn't require me to walk down the cliff to enjoy it.

I'm currently reading a bizarre book All that man is by David Szalay. I've read 100 odd pages so far and I'm not entirely sure what to make of it. It's definitely interesting, but the writing style is so different from what I am used to. Maybe it's just because I'm not used to reading novels in English. My experience of English-language literature is fairly limited: mostly to academic books and journals. It's definitely time to broaden my horizons.

The only thing that I need now is a big flask to take with me when I go there: the afternoons are getting really cold and even in my really attractive winter hat and red gloves I still feel rather cold on that bench. It's probably time for an upgrade of my outdoor reading experience.

Off sick :(

And so it finally happened. I had to phone in and say that I'd be off sick. Well, actually my housemate had to phone in, because I've lost my voice and was barely able to whisper.

I've realised that I would never actually admit to being sick enough not to go to work. I'm just that sort of a person. Mr Magic said that even if I would be throwing up I would still go in and just ask the children to hold my hair as I would still try to carry on with the lesson. I do feel like I'm letting my little ones down by not being there and not pushing through with the material. But at the same time, it won't help if I'm off sick for a week rather than just a day. 

And so I've pleased Mr Magic more than myself and had a day off.

As it stands, it's my second day of being sick, sipping lemsip (yuck!), drinking hot tea all day and trying to keep as warm as possible. I've run out of films to watch now, so I've made some progress on my colouring page, hoovered the room and organised my diary. My next low-impact project involves making a under the weather box full of supplies that help you survive a cold.

I temporarily refuse to do any work at all, partly because my brain feels like a jelly, partly because I've realised that I actually don't need to. I'm putting ridiculous number of hours into this job for five days every week, I do deserve some time off during the weekend (especially in my current state). This is probably one of the biggest eye-openers: I do enough. No need to stress out so much about lesson planning, marking etc. There is enough time during the working week. It's just a matter of prioritising.

Achoo!

Almost there.

I've done six exams in the past six days and, gosh, I have enough! Thank god there's only three more left now, including a short juris exam and my favourite PIL.

My body is at the brink of exhaustion and I'm so looking forward to being free again (for a week, haha, but better this than nothing at all). Waking up every day at 6am is not fun, but I'm slowly getting used to it, since it will be my routine once I start working at school. A friend of mine commented that these finals are no longer a test of knowledge of the law, but a physical endurance test and this is really true. We are all just tired at this point, so no wonder that examiners' reports for subjects examined at the end always voice a disappointment at the standard of the scripts. Well, no wonder really, since you subject us to so much pressure in such a short space of time. But at least it will be over soon, it's much better than if exams stretched across a good few week as some people's do.

I need to say that I am very proud of myself that I survived last week and that I am in a decent mental state. Given that I thought about suspending my studies, I've made an incredible progress, thanks to all the support that I've received.

And I've learnt two things from this emotional roller-coaster that I've been on in the past couple of months. First, you need to really believe in yourself. Whatever happens, just do your best, push through and keep believing that it will somehow work out in the end. Second, don't be scared to ask for help. Don't be afraid to depend on somebody. Make this leap of faith and open yourself up. Because others are there for you, you just need to talk to them, since sometimes it is not at all obvious that you need help (unless you are sobbing in the library, yep, that happened too). Somewhat I'm even happy that it was so difficult to get through. I have even more reasons to be proud. And a lot to talk about.

I'm almost there. Five more days.