Sunday Special: Nourish your faith.

I come into a dark and cool interior of the church. There is only a few people scattered around the pews. There is still a good fifteen minutes before the Mass begins.

I came in a little early in hope of receiving some divine inspiration. I haven't felt particularly close to God recently. I pray, yes, I do every day, but my mind is not focused. And this morning again, I kneel down and my mind wanders from one thought to the next. Laundry, shopping, emails, taxes, uncomfortable shoes, itchy elbow... 

I look at the Tabernacle. 

I do want Jesus to be a part of my life. I want to be like one of those people whose eyes light up when they talk about their faith.

And yet as I kneel down before the altar, the emptiness persists. Or rather, my mind is so filled with thoughts about my life, that there is little space for God.

It suddenly clicks. Faith needs nourishing. Like a plant which needs sunlight, water, fertiliser, my faith needs to be nourished regularly so that it may flourish.

It's the same with love. Love needs nourishment. It needs closeness, both physical and emotional, understanding, sometimes sacrifice. And faith is love, love of the One who created and saved us.

With this realisation comes a feeling of being totally loved even when I fall short of the call to love God. I know that MM loves me even when I am impatient, moody, snappy or harsh. How much more does God love me even when I don't make time for prayer, don't appreciate His work in my life, fail to see Him in the people around me...

I leave the church feeling the power of God's love buzzing in my heart. This evening I read a chapter of the Bible and kneeling down beside my bed I pour out my life in front of the Father.

---

It has been about a months now since I make double effort to nourish my faith each day. It's hard work, because there is always something to do, or tiredness makes it difficult to focus, or I am simply too lazy to sit down and pray. But I am trying. Every day is a new chance to become closer to God, to give Him the reign over my whole life. “Behold, I am making all things new.” This is truly my experience: the more I take time to grow my faith through prayer, reading and good works, the more refreshed my spirit is. I just need to keep the momentum going.

Sunday Special: Don't settle for OK.

Therefore you are to be perfect, as your heavenly Father is perfect. Matthew 5:48

I'm a nice person. I try not to gossip. I share a kind word with my co-workers every day. I smile at people, don't pick a fight and are able to say sorry (most of the times). I give people the benefit of doubt. I make time for people who matter for me. I turn up for work every day and do my best. I pray regularly and make use of the sacraments. 

Overall, I think I am doing OK.

But being OK is not what I have been created for. I was created for the life of holiness. Jesus made it absolutely clear that mere adherence to the rules of faith is not sufficient. Remember the young man who came to ask Him what he should do to enter the Kingdom of God? Jesus first of all asked him to do everything according to the law, but then He asked him to give everything up and follow him.

This is a challenging call for me today. To give up my worldly attachments and focus on the thing that is eternal. To stop trying to make my life all nice and comfortable at the expense of others, but to go out of my way to serve the most vulnerable. To learn to say ''I'm sorry" to people I alienate from myself. To bear difficulties with patience rather than constantly complaining about minor inconveniences. To always give thanks to the Lord, never attributing my success to myself alone. To bring the light of Christ to those who lost all hope. To do everything for the greater glory of God.

Don't settle for mere OK. You have been created for holiness. It is not about some sort of perfectionism. It is about becoming who you are intended to become from the beginning of the world. This means being in communion with God. Breathing His Spirit every moment of every day. Becoming holy means a constant transformation so that we are more that the One who created us.

In this season of Lent, I want to journey towards the Easter morning in such a way that I will truly recognise the Risen Christ, that I will see His wounds and His glory through a purer heart, tuned to the promptings of the Holy Spirit. It will require a serious change of heart. No more mediocrity, just learning to be holier, day by day.

“Let them look up and see no longer me—but only Jesus” Blessed John Henry Newman

Sunday Special: Verse a week.

In the next few weeks I am going to be elaborating on some of my goals for 2019 in hope that 1) it will motivate me to actually achieve them and 2) you will find some motivation and inspiration for your own yearly goals.

I call them goals rather than resolutions, because resolution sounds to me like something that you need to keep up every day without fail, whereas goals are things you aspire to and work towards. 

One of my spiritual goals for this year is to memorise 52 Bible verses: one verse for each week of the year.

Why bother?, you ask.

I had a number of friends over the years who were able to whip up an appropriate Bible verse together with where you could find it in the Bible just like that and I've always wondered how they did it. It has only recently occurred to me that they must have memorised them. They must have made an effort to commit those important verses to their memory so that they could permeate their lives. This is the reason why I want to memorise 52 Bible verses this year: to immerse my life in life-giving Words of God.

How do I go about it? Every morning I write out the verse in my notebook and repeated it a few times. I come back to it throughout the day and make it a centre of my prayer in the evening.

So far I'm on my second verse of the year. Last week it was the last verse of Psalm 23, this week it's a verse from the 2nd Letter to Timothy. If you feel inspired and would like to join in, here's the link to my schedule. Yellow fields are Psalms, blue are verses from the Gospel. I'm going to finish off putting in the last weeks of the year in the coming days so it will then be all ready be printed, copied into the planner or whatever else you might want to do with it.

Have a truly blessed and joyful 2019!

Sunday Special: Prepare the way of the Lord.

It's interesting that preparing brings to my mind words such as hurry, to do list, busy, overwhelmed. How different preparing for the Lord is. I am convinced that God wants us to carve out moments of silence and peace in our lives so that we can met Him away from the noise of our hectic lives. 

I've been prayerfully reading the Bible much more and finding more moments of stillness during the day. It brings me so much comfort to be able to slow down and spend time sitting in the presence of the Lord. No special acts are necessary. Just pay attention.

I often run around like a headless chicken, trying to have it all, do it all. Clean the house, get the groceries, purchase Christmas gifts, catch up with friends, mark end of term assessments, plan the last 20 odd lessons, sort out my finances, car maintenance... There is so much that clutters my mind towards the end of the year. I need to make a conscious effort to carve out a chunk of time dedicated for expanding my heart. Only in this way I can prepare for the Lord. Or at least try to prepare.

I'm not convinced that I would be completely ready for Christmas. It's such a massive task to change your heart. It takes years, not weeks. But this Advent I have an opportunity to prepare my heart through time spent in quiet prayer. This has already shone such a bright light on so many areas of my life. In so many ways I've become more compassionate, more patient, more positive (although it might not always show). Most importantly, I feel so loved and I know I have my Father in Heaven and He will keep me in all the ups and downs of my life. I just need to let Him enter.

Below is an inspiring video filmed for last year's Advent. Incredible message delivered by a joyful sister.

Sunday Special: Expand my heart.

In anticipation of Jesus's coming this Christmas, this Advent I'm asking God to expand my heart.

I'm at a place in my life when it is so easy to push some people away. Especially at work with so many difficulties. The children are very challenging and it is so easy to push those who cause me so much trouble away. Ignore them, stop caring. But the Lord calls me so clearly not to give up on them. To expand my heart to include every single of the children I encounter, regardless of how difficult they are.

When I was praying the other day it occurred to me that these children need to be loved so much. All their acting out is a call for attention. I know that some of their home life is just terrible. Broken families, abuse, unpredictability, lack of emotional support. When I see those children I often wonder why they are so unpleasant. But it's really quite simple. They don't feel loved, there is very little sense of worth in so many of them.

This Advent I want to have a more open heart to the people I encounter. To the children I teach, my coworkers, strangers who I meet on my errands, my loved ones. Have more patience for them, more love, more kindness. I want to make more time for acts of service as opposed to thinking about myself. I want to expand my heart in everyday situations. Nothing grand needs to happen.

This Advent I want to approach the ordinary with extraordinary openness of my heart. How can I prepare myself for the coming of Christ if I am not prepared for the encounter with my neighbour? But of course I need grace to be able to do it. So my prayer now is focused on asking for the Lord to enter into my heart to expand it beyond what I think is possible.

Make my heart like unto Thine, Jesus.

Sunday Special: The Little Flower: St Therese of Lisieux.

My first closer encounter with St Therese took place after my grandmother died. In her collection of religious items was an old medal with the image of St Therese. It was rusty and the face of Therese was lacking its former beauty. I carried the medal with me everywhere, to the point that it has disappeared just after my interview at Oxford. I remember dad jokingly saying "She has done her job, so now she's gone", but I was devastated at the loss of one of very few keepsakes. It took year before Mr Magic finally found a worthy replacement. 

Therese lived in France and joined the Carmelites in Lisieux when she was 15, after petitioning the Pope himself to let her join the convent being so young. St Therese had a short life, she died at only 24. Her life was not glamorous, but she grew to appreciate the smallest of things and it was her great charism to show love on every step of the way.

I prefer the monotony of obscure sacrifice to all ecstasies.

I've become really fond of Little Therese and she has been present in my life on a regular basis. What I like about her is her focus on the simplicity of the way to sainthood. She doesn't call for grand deeds. She's all about everyday little sacrifices. Doing the dishes. Going out of your way to get something for an ill friend. Always having a smile for a passer-by. Being there in the middle of the night for your loved one. Letting another driver in front of your car. Giving a seat up for somebody on a train. No heroic acts of virtue!

What is amazing is that St Therese was designated as the Doctor of the Church. There are only two other female saints with this title: St Catherine of Siena and St Theresa of Avila. What these women have in common is the desire to become close to God and to draw others closer to Him through their unceasing commitment to do His will in their daily circumstances. They submitted themselves completely to the will of God and really stuck with it through any difficulties.

Therese was so extraordinary in her total ordinariness. I sometimes want to do something fabulous for the glory of God. Become a missionary, run a parish prayer group, organise wonderful worship. Instead, I struggle to pray, I am short-tempered and often bored in church. Therese brings me a message of hope: the ordinary can be as holy as the experiences of mystics:

Jesus deigned to teach me this mystery. He set before me the book of nature. I understood how all the flowers He has created are beautiful, how the splendor of the rose and the whiteness of the lily do not take away the perfume of the little violet or the delightful simplicity of the daisy. I understood that if all the flowers wanted to be roses, nature would lose her springtime beauty, and the fields would no longer be decked out with little wildflowers. 

And so it is in the world of souls, Jesus’ garden. He willed to create great souls comparable to lilies and roses, but He has created smaller ones and these must be content to be daises or violets destined to give joy to God’s glances when He looks down at His feet. Perfection consists in doing His Will, in being what He wills us to be.

 The message of St Therese of Lisieux is the message of Love. Our lives will be transformed if take seriously the call to serve one another with a smile. The glory of God shines on us in the ordinary. 

Sunday Special: Restless heart: St Augustine of Hippo.

In my struggle with sin, bad habits and vices continues each day, but the story of St Augustine inspires me on my way of holiness. He was a thief, had an affair, fathered a child outside of wedlock, abandoned the faith to Gnosticism. He has famously recorded his prayer “Grant me chastity and continence . . . but not yet.” and I can 100% identify with this attitude of wanting to do something about my spiritual growth. But just not at this moment, not today.

This is probably why St Augustine speaks to me so much. His history resembles so much of my life. Augustine was brought up in a respectable family, he was a learned man with a truly devout mother, St Monica. And yet he got lost. He got engrossed in the life of drink and sex, completely lot the sense of what was right or wrong. His heart was restless, always looking for being filled up with something, but never being satisfied. 

“Thou hast formed us for Thyself, and our hearts are restless till they find rest in Thee.” (Augustine, Confessions (Book 1)

 

It has taken Augustine many many years to realise that nothing can fulfill him but God Himself. Coming to the knowledge of God may take time and not be straightforward at all. I like Augustine because he is not one of the polished saints who wanted to reach heaven from a very young age. I could never fully identify fully with such saints. But Augustine had his struggles just the way I did. He resisted the call to conversion just as I did. He eventually finally realised that God should be at the centre of his life, just as I did.

Augustine was instrumental in the development of the doctrine of the original sin. Human heart is weak and prone to falling away from its Creator. The only way to stand up to sin is to totally depend on the grace of God for the gift of salvation. As St Paul writes in the Letter to the Hebrews, Jesus made a one and final sacrifice for our sanctification. We will struggle with our will every day, but the consolation is that we have the reinforcements coming down from Heaven, helping us to make better choices today than we made yesterday, helping us to be more charitable, more patient, more willing to serve others.

If ever you struggle with a particular sin, think of St Augustine who turned his life around and became one of the most important theologians and philosophers of his age. Nothing is impossible to God.

Sunday Special: The Persistent Saint: St Rita of Cascia.

This Sunday, I want to launch a series of Sunday Specials about my favourite saints. Throughout the ages there has been thousands of holy men and women who carried the light of Christ to all people around them. I hope that one day, together with all of you, I shall join them in Heaven in an unceasing celebration of God's love. To get there, we have a score of saints to be our models and to guide us on the journey through their wisdom and example.

~~~

My first encounter with St Rita was about six or seven years ago. I've met up with a writer to talk about studying abroad and it turned out that she was an author of a book about the life of and devotion to St Rita. I instantly fell in love with this saint.

St Rita was born in 1367 and her story is absolutely incredible. She wanted to join a religious community, but her parents wished her to marry, so she humbly submitted to their wishes. The match with Ferdinand Mancini was not an easy one: her husband was said to be hotheaded. Initially Rita tried to confront this difficult temperament, but with time she simply resolved to pray fervently for a change in her husband. Rita gave birth to two sons who inherited their father's tendency to get into arguments. Ferdinand was murdered following one of many conflicts between the local political clans and his sons wanted revenge. Rita prayed that her boys might not become murderers. The story is that the boys died in a plague before they could carry out any of their murderous plans.

Rita found consolation in prayer and sought to enter an Augustinian convent in Cascia. However, time after time, her requests to join the community were rejected. Finally, after many attempts and after facilitating a reconciliation between her family and the family of Ferdinand's murders, she was allowed to start her religious life.

Her life in the convent was full of acts of penance. Rita spent days considering the Passion of Christ and said "Please let me suffer like you, Divine Saviour." She received stigmata as a response to her prayer: a wound appeared on her forehead, as if a thorn from Christ's crown has pierced her. The wound never healed and caused Rita severe pain that she bore with patience, always offering it up in prayer.

Miracles followed Rita's death immediately. Rita's body is still incorrupt today, it can be seen in a glass coffin in the basilica in Cascia. My dream is to make a pilgrimage to Italy and visit the basilica there. St Rita is is considered a patron of impossible causes and is often depicted with a rose. This is a reference to a story from her monastic times. One day in January, Rita asked another sister to go to the garden and bring her a rose. Surprisingly, and against all odds, the sister returned with a beautiful rose.

St Rita is remembered in the Church on May 22nd.

O God, Who in Thine infinite tenderness hast vouchsafed to regard the prayer of Thy servant, Blessed Rita, and dost grant to her supplication that which is impossible to human foresight, skill and efforts, in reward of her compassionate love and firm reliance on Thy promise, have pity on our adversity and succor us in our calamities, that the unbeliever may know Thou art the recompense of the humble, the defense of the helpless, and the strength of those who trust in Thee, through Jesus Christ, Our Lord. Amen.

Sunday Special: To tithe or not to tithe?

Let's talk money today. And in particular about money given to the Church.

Under the Mosaic Law, the Israelites had to pay around 20%-30% of their income in tithe. There appear to have been three different kinds of tithe, paid in different places, for different purposes and in different amounts. The New Testament, on the other hand, does not suggest that tithing remains the obligation for the members of the Christian community. St Paul is his letters ephasises the need to give freely, and he does say that this does not have the force of a commandment (2 Cor 8:8).

Apparently Catholics are one of the least generous communities in terms of giving money to the Church. Other Christian denominations seems to be much more inclined to part with their money to support evangelisation and other works of their congregations. I wonder whether this is because the Catholic Church is seen as a large institution, whereas protestant churches, for instance, are usually single congregations without ties to large organisations?

If you follow my blog regularly, you would have seen that I'm in the process of reorganising my finances. This also applies to the money I give to the Church. I have a fixed amount I offer during collection on a Sunday each week. It's important for me since this money supports my parish directly. At the end of the day, electricity and heating bills needs to be paid, bread and wine need to be bought for Mass celebrations.

However, charity obliges to look after the poor and the needy around us. This is why I try to support the local food bank. So many families around here rely on food from donations. I'm yet to establish a regular pattern of donating, but I find it to be more meaningful than placing coins in the church basket. Charitable giving is something that I consider an important part of living out my faith. Give bread to the hungry and drink to the thirsty. It might be neither practical nor efficient to do it on individual basis (though there is time and place for it as well), but there are so many organisations that do wonderful work with those in need.

Everything belongs to God, and we only have stewardship of our resources.

I often worry about money, whether there is enough of it to cover all the expenses, to pay the bills and buy food. This sometimes makes me reluctant to suport the Church and the community. Yet God really calls me to less attachment to money. Every time I open my purse and give generously, God gives me tenfold more.

My resolution for the coming months is to become more generously and thoughtful in my giving. Have more discipline so that I have a regular pattern of giving rather than giving only when I feel guilty for not doing it often enough.

My answer to the question whether to tithe or not is to be generous in sharing your money and time with those around you: set a fixed amount of money aside each month and distribute it across different organisations according to what your heart tells you. For me this is my parish church, the local food bank and a number of charities that I support in the run-up to Christmas (Operation Christmas Child) and during Lent (CAFOD). Take time to volunteer if possible or to have a chat with your neighbour. I think we forget that time is probably our most precious resource and there are so many opportunities to give it generously for the good of others.

I would really encourage you to consider supporting the work of the church or local charities with your time and money. Christmas is approaching fast: maybe you could pack a shoe box for a child in need. It's my second year of getting involved with this project and it has brought me much joy.

Sunday Special: Do I trust?

I'v had some really difficult time at work recently. Working in a challenging context is both physically and emotionally exhausting and I wasn't quite prepared for it.

Now that I've managed to rest a little and think about the past weeks, I've realised how little I trusted that God will deliver me from all the troubles. That He will be the source of strength and inspiration, and that He will not abandon me.

the Lord God is my strength and my song,
and he has become my salvation. Isaiah 12:2

I'm a fatalist and I see the world in very black and white terms. It's either absolutely fabulous or it's  total disaster. Nothing in between. It's really exhausting to deal with problems when your brain is wired in this way. Yet faith calls me to turn away from despair and turn towards the One who holds the entire world in His hands.

When my strength is failing

When my patience is running out

When my mind wants to run away

When I don't see the way out

When I'm panicking

When I'd rather be anywhere else

When everything seems 

faith calls me to trust, completely and without reservations.

I seem to be writing about trust a lot and this is probably because I have such a huge issue with trust. It is a product of my upbringing, life experiences, my choices and life circumstances, but it is there and I need to learnt to deal with it. 

God said that He would never abandon me, that He would never fail. He's a good, good father.

I need to develop a habit of looking up to heaven when I feel like I'm sinking. To offer everything up and don't try to single-handedly change the whole world. I can't. He can.

Sunday Special: Pharaoh's heart.

I've been reading the Book of Exodus for the past couple of weeks. It's incredible how stories from the past are still relevant to my life today. When I started to read Exodus, I was a little dubious if I would be able to hear the voice of God speaking to me through the pages, but I've found that with every chapter there was at least a verse which touched the depths of my heart.

The stories of 10 Egyptian plagues really spoke to me through the character of Pharaoh. When the plague strikes, he asks Moses to pray to God to stop the disaster and promises to let Israelites go, but the moment the plague is gone, Pharaoh changes his mind, hardens his heart and doesn't let people go anymore.

This story truly mirrors my life. I lift up my eyes to God when a storm is coming, I cry for deliverance and pray incessantly. But when everything calms down, God is pushed to the background. I don't need to be saved anymore. Life is sweetly comfortable.

The plagues kept coming onto the Egyptians, because they didn't stick with the awe of God. They treated God as a tool for getting rid of their problems, but were not interested in developing a lasting relationship with Him.

I have Pharaoh's heart. I have a heart of stone that needs to be replaced by a heart of flesh. And it can only happen if I cling to God. Every day. On a day when I can hardly leave my bed and on a day when I'm winning. On a day when I'm running around like a headless chicken and on a day when I actually have an hour to sit in a chapel and pray. I need to refocus my life on God. Put His first. See that His abundance is much more than what I can create myself on my best day. 

Sunday Special: Life-long project.

There is a community orchard in the country park near where I live. It has been planted relatively recently and the fruit trees are not any taller than I am. Some began to grow fruit, but they are nowhere near the state of being edible produce.

The information board says that it will take a few years for the orchard to mature. Patience is needed. It will be worth the wait, they wrote.

My initial reaction was that planting those trees was such a waste of resources. All those trees, ten of them, planted in the park, are absolutely useless for the foreseeable future. They are neither pretty nor useful.

But being patient and waiting will change everything. From pathetic stalks sticking out of the ground, beautiful and fruitful trees will develop.

While walking in the park, I've realised that I have the same impatient attitude towards my own conversion. I would like to be completely free from sin here and now. Right now. I often don't accept that conversion requires hard work and often a lot of time.

As a weak human being, I cannot just throw my old life behind me, never to return to bad old habits.  I need to fight against them every day to grow in holiness. To be more charitable, to be more, kid, to be less jealous, to be less angry.

It's hard work. Really hard work. Conversion is a life-long project. I will never be done. But by the grace of God I hope that each day I become a better person. I hope that each day I become a little more like the One in whose image I've been created.

Sunday Special: Jesus, I trust in You.

I went to adoration the other day and what really caught my eye was the Divine Mercy painting hung in a side chapel to the right of the altar. A painting just like this one, with an inscription at the feet of Jesus:

Jesus, I trust in You.

I've repeated these words in that hour of prayer over and over again. Do I trust? Do I trust fully that Jesus will hold my hand and walk me through the time of darkness? Do I trust His word that He came not to condemn but to save? Do I trust that He is the giver of life and that only by following the gentle whispers of His divine wisdom I can be truly happy and fulfilled?

I fervently prayed Jesus, I trust in You and with each repetition of these few words my soul got still. As if a storm have passed and a great silence ensued.

As it turned out, I completely misinterpreted the meaning of these words for my life at that moment in time. I thought trusting Him meant throwing life as I knew it behind me. In fact, it meant trusting despite the appearance of lack of movement and change. However, Jesus yet again surprising me with His generosity and mysterious ways of working through all the difficult and tangled situations. But what was important was that I took an enormous leap of faith, submitting totally to His will. Trusting Him completely to lift me up from the valley of death.

God acts without the constraints of time or space, so trust and patience is essential. He takes his times when working in my life. And the only way to respond to this is to trust. Always and entirely, sometimes against human advice, sometimes against all logic. Trust.

Then you will know that I am the Lord;

those who wait for me shall not be put to shame. (Isaiah 49:23)

Sunday Special: The Bible hack.

Do you ever think that you don't read the Bible nearly often enough?

I don't read the Bible daily and in my busy life it's so easy to get caught up in different activities and before I know it, it's already bedtime.

But I want to read the Bible every day, so I had to find a hack for this.

And I did. It's so simple, I can't believe I didn't come up with it months ago.

What is the first thing you grab after waking up? Probably your smartphone. Now, exchange the smartphone for the Bible and all of a sudden you read the Bible every morning. Use a physical book rather than an app to avoid distractions.

Read a verse, a passage, a chapter. It doesn't matter how much you read as long as you get those life-giving words into your day.

I'm currently working my way through the Letter to the Hebrews in this way. And I truly believe that it can transform my life, make me more attuned to the voice of God and more caring about people around me. Pretty good for five-ten minutes of reading each morning.

If you don't know where to start, I really love the Gospel according to St Mark. I love all of the Gospels, but Mark's one is special to me. I also really like the Letter of St Paul to the Ephesians. It really doesn't matter where you start, God will speak to you through any passage you pick as long as you are open to His voice.

It is by your holding fast to the word of life that I can boast on the day of Christ that I did not run in vain or labour in vain. (Philippians 2:16)

Sunday Special: Ora et labora.

There are two Benedictine abbeys on the Isle of Wight.

St Cecilia’s Abbey in Ryde is a place of tranquillity. It is a strict cloister, the contact with the outside world is really limited for the women who chose to spend their lives there.

Then there is Quarr Abbey in Fishbourne. It is not as quiet as St Cecilia. There is a tea shop, a pig pen, a gift shop, abbey tours on Tuesdays and various retreats.

These two abbeys are very different yet there is one thing that they have in common: the Rule of St Benedict as their foundation.

The Rule is a short document, you can easily read it over the course of a single evening, but it is so rich in its spirituality that one needs to come back to it again and again to truly appreciate this abundance of wisdom from St Benedict.

The Rule might at first seem to be rather irrelevant in our times. It was written for sixth century monks. And indeed, many parts of it are concerned with practicalities of living in a monastic community (and St Benedict was a truly practical man, he describes the bed linen that each monk should get, their clothing and footwear, the meals to be eaten and what to do if you are travelling and you are not able to get back in time for scheduled prayers). But in the midst of all these seemingly irrelevant instructions, there is something timeless that we can all apply to our lives.

The Rule of St Benedict is often abbreviated to ora et labora. Pray and work. St Benedict places prayer at the centre of the monastic life, especially prayer through Psalms (Liturgy of the Hours, anyone?). He also says that idleness is the enemy of the soul. He wants the monks to be always engaged in some activity that brings them into the unity with God. It might be in time of prayer, it might be through work for the monastery or the neighbour.

What does the Rule have to offer for us? Here are three ideas from St Benedict to enrich our busy lives.

If you get your hands on the Rule, read Chapter 19 and Chapter 20. They talk about the approach to prayer. Benedict gave a strict guidance as to the regularity of prayer, but just turning up when you are supposed to will not cut it. For Benedict, being intentional and truly present during the time of prayer was key for spiritual growth.

Benedict recommended the monks to be always busy, so work (manual labour in the Rule) was an essential part of his spirituality. It wasn’t an inconvenience interrupting the times of prayer. Work for Benedict was a part of Christian life. God worked for six days and then rested after creation: and since all that God does is holy, work must be holy too. My work doesn’t feel holy most of the time at all. But it’s all about offering your time and effort up to God and performing your duties as if you were serving the Lord directly.

Finally, hospitality. It is not merely entertaining guests at dinner parties. I was a stranger and you welcomed me. Hospitality is making sure people feel welcomed around you. They should feel at peace when interacting with you, should feel valued and important for only one reason: because they are a fellow human being and are made in the image of God. Hospitality can be exercised in all circumstances, at home, at work, when on holidays or just relaxing in a café. It’s paying attention to the needs of another and treating those we encounter with deep respect.

~~~

I'm looking forward to exploring more of the benedictine spirituality in the coming weeks and visiting more benedictine abbeys. They are places of such tranquility that even if I only visit for a couple of hours, I feel spiritually replenished. Next on my list is Worth Abbey.

Sunday Special: Church shopping.

I'm moving and the first thing I check when I go to a new place is where the church is, how far and what time the Sunday Mass is.

So I found my parish church and went there on a couple of Sundays.

And it was truly awful.

The preaching was awful, the music was awful. Jesus was there, so that's the most important thing, but everything else was rubbish. It was mainly music that pushed me away from that church. I can compromise on a lot of things, but music is a deal breaker.

So this Sunday I went to another church.

It was marginally better. The singing wasn't great, but at least it was not so great singing acapella. Which is truly better than bad singing coupled with the organs. I don’t like the organs. I much rather they played the piano in churches. But that’s a digression.

Anyway, this entire moving and finding a new church affair made me think about church shopping. Should I be looking for a church that suits me? Or should I just stick with the one that is closer to where I live?

It has been a little of a moral dilemma for me, because the Church is not about me, but about God. I don't want to go around saying 'I don't like this, I don't like that, I'm going to go elsewhere.' My faith is what it is, no pick&choosing.

Now I only ever church shop within the Catholic Church, so I really get the same deal wherever I go and it makes me a little more comfortable about going round and trying different communities. There is the same order of Mass everywhere, there is the same rite of confession, the same adoration. But then each church is different in so many ways. Some are well organised with loads going on. Some keep it to bare minimum. Some have evening Masses during the week, some only in the morning. Some churches do loads of charity work, some just collect donations. Some have a wonderful music ministry, some are truly awful and can't tell the difference between an entrance hymn and a recessional hymn. In some churches the preaching is heavily scripture based and really scholarly, in some it is an incoherent lump of 'God loves you', 'Don't sin' and 'We need to take care of the poor and needy'. I know some people won't care, but I care deeply about all of these. I want a proper church. And short of starting my own (this ain't gonna happen), the next best option is to shop around and find a Catholic church that will at least broadly meet my rather complex spiritual needs.

I suppose this is a little like finding a religious order which will work for you. Ultimately, they are all the same. You wake up early, have a set time of prayer, you go to Mass, you work and study during the day. You try to fight your sins and become more holy. But the details vary from order to order, speak to any Dominican friar about why they are not Jesuits ;)

The church I went to this morning wasn’t perfect, but I don’t think I’ll ever find a church which meets all my expectations. But the preaching was not tragic and the priest really made me feel welcomed there. It does mean a 10 minute drive each Sunday morning, but maybe I could cycle? (ha ha ha)

I think in the Catholic Church we are often guilty of just accepting the things as they are in our churches and not challenging bad practices, inattentive priests and poor organisation. I would like to think that after some months in my parish, I would be in a position to say ‘Actually, we could do this or that better’. For now, I can live with that little church as it is. Church shopping concluded for the next couple of years, hopefully. 

Sunday Special: Spiritual growth.

I've been through a period of spiritual dryness recently. I haven't been praying with my heart. I've been distracted and caught up in the daily troubles that I simply did not get any opportunity to slow down and be with the Lord.

I have questioned whether I have actually grown spiritually in the last few months at all. Have I advanced on the path to holiness? It definitely doesn't feel like it. It feels that I am standing still, even going backwards. But surely this is just the result of my current spiritual state. Surely?

The thing about growing in anything, in particular in growing spiritually, is that the growth might be hardly perceptible. At times it might even feel like going backwards rather than going forwards.

I reflected on my growth as a teacher over the last couple of years. I had a few wow moments when I really thought 'I'm getting a hang of it at last'. But most of the time, my progress was slow, incremental and hardly visible. Like the ability to build relationships with my pupils. I've moved miles since I've started teaching, though from one day to another I could barely see any progress.

If everybody still had to grow their own food, I think we would find it much easier to accept that growth might not be perceptible, but it's definitely happening and we just need to be patient. Trust is the most important component of growth. We need to trust God that He is doing his glorious and invisible work. We need to trust ourselves, that our choices bring us closer to who we are meant to be.

Spiritual growth is imperceptible and my individual and personal growth will look completely different than yours. That's part of the challenge and of the beauty of it. You plant the seed by inviting God to enter your life and your spiritual growth will take its course which in all likelihood will be totally different from the growth in the life of somebody else. Because we are all different and God leads us on different paths. Today it might feel that everybody else has such a beautiful soul while you are still stuck with your ugly self. But for as long as you constantly turn to Christ, day after day, you will grow closer to Him and his light will light up all of our dark places, making you grow in the beauty of the child of God.

Sunday Special: Justice before morality.

We, Catholics, are better instructed in the matters of morality than in the matters of justice.

This is what I heard from a Benedictine monk during my last confession. How true and going straight through my heart.

By this everyone will know that you are my disciples, if you have love for one another. 

(John 13:35)

Jesus criticised the pharisees for too much concern with the rules. He said that his followers will be known for their love for one another. We are all sinners and the adherence to the law is probably not the best measure of our strife for holiness. But our attitudes towards others speak about our faith more than anything. The way we live and interact with the world is the way we witness our faith.

Can you truly say that you follow Jesus if you go to Mass each Sunday, yet turn your head round when you pass by a homeless person?

Can you truly say that you follow Jesus if you dutifully give an offering each Sunday, but do not take interest in you neighbours or colleagues?

Can you truly say that you follow Jesus if you say your prayers each day, yet waste food and water each week?

Can you truly say that you follow Jesus if you apparently follow the Ten Commandments, but you don't work honestly for your employer and the people you serve?

Catholic social teaching is called the Church's "best kept secret". But it shouldn't be- it should be a part of our lives. Pope Francis is tirelessly reminding us about justice that can bring about a better world. The morality is important, but people come first. 

“Jesus tells us what the ‘protocol’ is, on which we will be judged. It is the one we read in chapter 25 of Matthew’s Gospel: I was hungry, I was thirsty, I was in prison, I was sick, I was naked and you helped me, clothed me, visited me, took care of me. Whenever we do this to one of our brothers, we do this to Jesus. Caring for our neighbor; for those who are poor, who suffer in body and in soul, for those who are in need. This is the touchstone.”

From Papa Francesco: Questa economia uccide (Pope Francis: This economy kills)by Andrea Tornielli and Giacomo Galeazzivia

Do you bring justice to the world around you? Or maybe you are preoccupied with morality?

~~~

A little side note that has been brought to my attention this Sunday. From Pope Benedict XVI, encyclical Deus caritas est (2005):

14 “Worship” itself, Eucharistic communion, includes the reality both of being loved and of loving others in turn. A Eucharist which does not pass over into the concrete practice of love is intrinsically fragmented. Conversely, as we shall have to consider in greater detail below, the “commandment” of love is only possible because it is more than a requirement. Love can be “commanded” because it has first been given.

28 The Church cannot and must not take upon herself the political battle to bring about the most just society possible. She cannot and must not replace the State. Yet at the same time she cannot and must not remain on the sidelines in the fight for justice. She has to play her part through rational argument and she has to reawaken the spiritual energy without which justice, which always demands sacrifice, cannot prevail and prosper. A just society must be the achievement of politics, not of the Church. Yet the promotion of justice through efforts to bring about openness of mind and will to the demands of the common good is something which concerns the Church deeply.

Sunday Special: I pray, but God doesn't do anything.

This is such a beautiful topic to touch on on the day of the solemnity of Pentecost.

Imagine the Eleven disciples after the Ascension. Jesus promised that he will send a Paraclete. One day passed, than another and another. They were sitting in the Upper Room, waiting and praying and nothing seemed to be happening. And it took the whole nine days before the descend of the Holy Spirit. No doubt the disciples were praying for his coming, but they did not get what they wanted straight away. I don't think they got what they've expected either.

Sometimes it feels like God doesn't respond to our prayers at all. That he is not interested. That he does not listen. Or that he completely misheard what we were saying and gave us something that we didn't ask for at all.

The thing is, God always listens, but he has a peculiar way of responding to our prayer. I believe God has three answers for us.

Yes

Sometimes the Lord gives you just what you asked for. You pray for that job, that relationship, that difficult conversation, and God pours out his blessings in abundance. This is probably the response that we expect most frequently, but maybe feel like we don't get it. I think it's because God only wants to give us what is good for us, but we are actually hardly ever aware of what that is. We don't have a great idea what is good for us, as evidenced by the amount of tears and regrets in our lives. Sometimes we want something so much it almost hurts inside, but it is not something that helps us grow.

Yes, but not yet

When the time is right I, the Lord, will make it happen. (Isaiah 60:22) Sometimes the timing is not right. God know what your heart is ready for, what you can manage at any given time. You might be praying for marriage, but you are utterly unfit for such a commitment now. You might be praying for a new job, but actually you haven't fulfilled all your commitments in your current job yet and you might not be able to handle the change. The wait is difficult, because at the time it often feels like a no, but when you finally receive what you have asked for, you really do appreciate that it wasn't the right time. Sometimes even while waiting you are so relieved that you weren't given what you asked for a few months back.

I have something better for you

I have so many experiences of this answer. God really does have a better plan for us. And so many times I've been praying for something and it didn't materialise, but something much better and more beautiful did. It is probably the most difficult response to receive at the time, because you really desire something and it is not what you are getting. But God surprises us with things that we might not have dared to even think of. He really knows the depths of our souls and is able to gift us with those specially graces that really help us to flourish.

In my prayer I fluctuated between being really vague in my intentions, to being really specific, and now I am sort of back at being vague, but now I try to give God space for his divine plan. This is especially important for me when I am fragile and vulnerable. If I abandon all to God, I know that I will not be disappointed. So often instead of asking for something specific, I pray: Lord, I'm in this difficult situation and I have lots of ideas how best to solve it, but I know you have the best plan for me, so I abandon everything to you.

Ultimately, when we pray and nothing seems to be happening at all, you can be certain that God is at work. It's like the time between the death of Jesus and his rising from the dead: He was in the tomb and nothing seemed to be happening. And yet he has gone down to Hades and opened the gates of heaven! So trust the Lord and keep talking to him. He never disappoints.

Sunday Special: I don't need to pray because God knows everything.

God is omnipotent, omniscient and omnipresent, why would you bore Him with your troubles, anxieties joys or needs if He knows it all already?

Prayer is an invitation. God is gentle with us, and he will not come without our permission. Unless you are St Paul, in which case God will strike you from a horse (where did that came from anyway?) and make you blind. But that was quite exceptional, Paul really needed a proper shake up. For most of us poor souls, we need to say yes, even a faint one. God will enter through the smallest crack in the doors, but we need to open these doors, the handle is on our side.

Jesus on multiple occasions pointed out that we would be given what we ask for. But we need to ask.

I feel that praying and asking God for what we need in our life is a wonderful way to order our lives as well. It helps us to consider what it is that we are lacking or running low on. When I pray, I've learnt to be really specific about what I ask for. Instead of saying make me a good teacher, I ask Lord, make me more patient and positive with this year 7 class. This helps me to discover the truth about myself and to look deeply into what is important to me at a particular moment in time.

Our asking in prayer is an acknowledgement that we are entirely dependent on God. It's an opportunity to build a deeper and more perfect relationship with Him. 

Beyond this supplicatory dimension of prayer, prayer should go beyond asking and also be an act of praise and thanksgiving. It should be a time for telling God how wonderful He is. Of course, He is fully aware of his own goodness, but it's like telling your other half that you love them: they hopefully know it by the way you act, but it's important so say it often as well. It's sometime difficult to just praise God, but I often turn to psalms for inspiration. Check out the first few verses of Psalm 145:

I will extol you, my God and King,

and bless your name for ever and ever. 

Every day I will bless you,

and praise your name for ever and ever.

Great is the Lord, and greatly to be praised;

his greatness is unsearchable.

Lex orandi, lex credendi, lex vivendi: as we worship, so we believe and live. Our life of prayer should reflect our belief in the Father, the Son and the Holy Spirit, Creator of heavens and earth, the one who was and is, and is to come. There are so many ways to worship. Some people simply bow down and adore the Lord. Some people read Psalms. Others sing with their hands stretched out to the heavens. Whatever you want to do, praise the Lord regularly. Maybe you need to set up a time for this. As mentioned in the previous post, I do it in the evening when I thank for everything that has happened in that day and just adore the Lord for a couple of minutes. But you can worship anywhere and anytime. God is waiting for you to turn to Him and acknowledge that He is God.