Don’t sweat the small stuff.

I consider myself a rather calm and composed person, but there are times when the smallest of things drives me into a rage. If you've ever seen me truly angry (and not many people have), you know that it is not pretty. And, more importantly, it is not healthy. Daily stressful events can cause havoc in our fragile bodies. Research suggests that it is not about the frequency with which we experience daily hassles, but with out perception of their severity.

With this in mind, I conducted a reframing exercise. I considered those small, irritating everyday events that drive me crazy, and I changed tried to change them into something positive. The idea was to have a bank of positive thoughts readily available to draw on in stressful situations.

What are the things that irritate me on a daily basis? Let's take driving. I hate having nowhere to park. I'm not sure why it gets to me so much, I live in a pretty busy area and should really expect the parking spaces to be few and far between. In truth, it's usually not that there is nowhere to park, rather that the available spaces are not convenient enough. So this is really just a wonderful opportunity to up my step count and get some extra low impact exercise into my day. A small change in outlook and now every time I get frustrated with parking, I can think about all the benefits I will reap from walking more.

Walking more with my borrowed doggy.

Waiting is also an everyday hassle which all of us need to endure. It often feels like a big chunk of my life is waiting. Waiting for a bus, waiting in a queue, waiting for my coffee, waiting for customer service, waiting for an important phone call... So much time spent waiting! Interestingly, I am extremely patient with my pupils, but I am so terrible at waiting for things. No patience there (probably because it runs out during my teaching hours). The thing is, though, that waiting is unavoidable and largely outside my control. So, if I cannot do anything about it, I'm not going to stress out about those plentiful waiting moments. Even better, I could actually make good use of them. I often pray while queuing at a supermarket, because I always moan that there is not enough time in the day to pray and do all the work I need to do. Those few minutes spent by the till are perfect for a quick prayer and refocusing my day. I also try to carry a book with me, especially if I go somewhere where I know I am likely to need to wait (medical centre, for instance: you always have to wait. There wasn't a single time when I was actually seen on time). This allows me to read at least a couple of pages, keeping my brain busy.

And children! How annoying they are in public spaces. Especially in confined spaces, such as cafes, restaurants or shops. Don't get me wrong, some children are little angels and they don't bother me at all. But others are a nightmare to be around, shrieking, kicking, running around yelling. I will almost run to a different shopping aisle to avoid any sensory contact with a loud child. This is probably one of the trickiest daily hassles to reframe. How do I start thinking differently about this awful encounter with a loud little person (most likely also travelling at alarmingly high speeds. Possibly also pushing a full sized shopping trolley)? I can't really turn it to my advantage in a similar way to the previous two cases. But I can think about it more positively. I know that parents do an incredibly difficult job raising their children. They have the right to go out for a coffee when they want, though they might not have anybody to leave their child with at home. Or maybe they just want to take their children with them, because they work all day during the week and actually that shopping trip on a Saturday is one of a few precious moments they have to spend together. I guess I just need to learn to endure loud children in public spaces. It's just one of those unavoidable inconveniences of life. Just breathe in and out 10 times and run to that next aisle to hide between toilet rolls and coke bottles until the little monster is out of sight and earshot. 

It is not worth risking my health over minor annoyances, right? So let's reframe those daily hassles into opportunities to do (or think) something positive in those moments of annoyance. 

Life update.

The last time I posted on this blog was almost two months ago. I'm not sure even where to being, there has been so many changes in my life and so much happened.

I went home for Easter which wasn't entirely planned, but I loved every minute of it. It was relaxing, it was refreshing, it was energising. Since my stay only lasted one week, I didn't get sucked into the whirlwind of domestic drama, but could truly enjoy doing things that I love: baking, reading, playing with a dog.

On that note, I have almost got a dog last month. I was so, so close to getting a furry friend, but the brain won over the heart. It wouldn't be fair on the dog to leave it home for long periods of time while I'm working and it would hugely restrict our ability to travel. HOWEVER, I did find a way around it! I finally got my head round signing up to Borrow My Doggy and bought a membership for £12.99 and these were the best spent money ever as I found a beautiful dachshund in the area which I will be looking after on Fridays. It will be glorious.

Now, the reason why I can be a pet sitter on Fridays is that I have quit my job. I warned you that a lot has happened in the past two months. I was really unhappy at work for a long time and it has taken both a physical and a psychological toll on me, so the only sensible decision was to leave. I have to say it was a massive leap of faith on my part: I was leaving a secure, albeit extremely stressful, job and with it a secure stream of income. And even though money doesn't equal happiness, the mortgage needs to be paid and so do bills etc., so I was more than a little worried about the future.

But this feeling didn't last long. In the Gospel according to St Matthew, Jesus says "Do not worry about tomorrow." I was convinced that I have made the right choice and that everything will work out fince. And so far I was blessed with such an abundance of opportunities! I have several tutoring assignments through a teaching agency and I am beginning to build a client base for my own business. It is a little scary to be effectively self-employed and having such a huge responsibility for everything from finding clients, preparing materials, setting up finances and keeping an organised diary. At the same time, I have so much freedom and such a great balance between work and study, and life. I do have to work evenings and I don't earn quite as much as before, but it's totally worth it. I can decide to do some exercising in the middle of the day. I can cook a healthy lunch at home rather than eating cold past at my desk. I have time to write and read. And, as MM can confirm, I am visibly healthier.

There has been so much going on in the past couple of weeks. I hope to be able to slow down a little in the next few weeks, take more time to build up my weekly leisure schedule (look out for that post in the near future!). And to write more blog post, of course :)

Digital declutter.

I have recently left my phone at home when I went for a walk and the urge to reach into my pocket and check if anything popped up on the screen was terrifying. I didn't need it do it. It wouldn't add any value to my life. And yet I craved it so much!

It got me thinking really hard about my relationship with technology. I'm not spending hours and hours of my life online, although I do catch myself going down a rabbit hole of videos, pictures and posts sometimes. I can endlessly search for something on the internet and click link after link.

So I thought that, given that it is Lent now, I will perform a digital declutter as suggested by Cal Newport. I recommend his newest book Digital Minimalism as an interesting background reading and a lot of inspiration. I listed all my optional technology use, decided what to ban and what to limit to a defined set of operational procedures.

Can I stick with it until the end of Lent? Maybe. I know some things will be easier than others. I can probably survive without browsing Facebook, but can I stop compulsively checking my email? Deleting social media from my phone was easy enough, but will I be able not to reach for it so often?

The key to success, according to Newport, is to replace optional technology use with high quality leisure activities. This is probably the more challenging part of the digital declutter. I am used to mindlessly engage in web-browsing, watching videos and checking news sites. Changing this habit into thinking through how I spend my free time requires that I treat leisure seriously, as an important part of my life. I plan my work activities, why shouldn't I plan what I do when I don't work or sleep?

My aim is to plan a leisure activity for each evening. So far I have scheduled in reading, which I do pretty much every day anyway, Clubbercise, baking, making a scrapbook, walking, playing the piano, stretching exercise and joining a book club. I really hope that I would be able to find new joy of leisure in the coming weeks and maybe even discover long-forgotten talents and hobbies.

I suppose that it is quite lucky that my digital declutter coincides with Lent: I need to refocus on my faith and all the digital media often interfere with it. I hope to empty my mind of the cacophony of voices and find peace.

Decluttering my fantasy self.

We all have our fantasy self: that person who we aspire to be, but never actually become. It usually shows through a collection of objects bought with an intention that you start exercising, cooking more interesting dishes, revisit that hobby you abandoned in college. Items that we would like to use, an in ideal world probably would actually use, but the realities of life prevent us from doing so.

Realism is absolutely crucial when you want to declutter your fantasy self. I have so many ideas about the person I want to be and the activities I want to do, but, in all honesty, I scarcely have time or money to pursue them.

Take horse riding for instance. I absolutely loved horse riding when I was at school. And I also rode a few time over the course of doing my degree. I had a complete gear, chaps, hard hat, boots, jodhpurs, gloves, but for years now it has sat in the cupboard. Finally, when I moved to the new flat, I decided that enough is enough.

All my horse riding gear has been sold on ebay. Part of me was reluctant, because I kept thinking 'what if I end up wanting to ride again?' But I haven't ridden for years and if in a few years time I want to ride, I can just wear my standard boots and rent the hard hat at the stables. But it will probably take some years, because spending £50 or more on an hour long session really is not in my weekly budget at the moment.

Second thing that was declutter was my slr digital camera. I've never came round to actually using it properly and out of those tens of modes available and different settings I only ever used auto and macro. Yes, once upon a time I did enjoy taking pictures, but I completely lack commitment to learning the art of photography. Also, such cameras are so bulky, you always seem to need a collection of other items at hand, different lenses, filters, tripods etc. It's so much easier to take a picture with my phone. And I don't even do it that often anymore. The vast majority of my pictures end up somewhere on my laptop drive never to be looked at again, so now, instead of compulsively taking pictures, I just enjoy the moment and look at things with my own two eyes.

So often I am caught up with thinking about the person who I could be in some parallel universe, that I spend very little time working on the person who I actually am. I might not take part in riding competitions or become a professional photographer, but I can dedicate my attention and resources to writing, reading and baking. Life is too short to try to enjoy things that don't really spark any joy within you.

5 love languages.

I don't often read relationship advice. I learn as I go along. But 5 Love Languages by Gary Chapman was recommended on one of the YouTube channels I follow as a perfect book for marriage preparation and I thought that it would be good to get a head start in order to improve my relationship before we get engaged and think about the wedding.

I must say that this is one of very few books that I've read which truly made different to the way I live.

The premise is simple. There are five love languages: words of affirmation, quality time, receiving gifts, acts of service and physical touch. Each of us have a preference in terms of how we want others to show us that they love us, Chapman calls is our primary love language. My love language is acts of service. I'm not bothered with gifts at all, I appreciate when somebody picked something specifically for me and I am really grateful for it, but I could go on without gifts for a long time. On the other hand, I really feel loved when somebody makes me a cup of tea, or hoovers the house, or unloads the dishwasher. Now I also understand why Mr Magic constantly wants to travel or do some activities. In the past it drove me mad, because I like staying at home, watching a movie or reading a book, but his primary love language is quality time and he wants us to do things. Now I am much more understanding and I am consciously making effort to find things for us to do. Some of these might be out and about (fermenting class anyone?), some at home (like playing games). Whatever it is, I know that Mr Magic wants to have my undivided attention while doing some sort of activity.

I would say that getting this insight made a massive difference to my relationship. I understand Mr Magic better. He understands me better. We are more intentional about how we spend our time and have some solid ideas about how to express love. As an addition to finding out about our love languages, we also listed 30 things that make us know that we are loved. It was a great exercise to show how much we appreciate little things we do for each other and what makes us smile on daily basis.

If you are still planning Valentine's Day, think about your loved one's love language. Depending on what it is, they will be most pleased with different things. Roses and chocolates might be best if their love language is receiving gifts, but if it is quality time, what about a dinner date followed by a walk? And remember to keep your love tank full all your round, not only on February 14th.

Living on my own.

Some people wonder why I choose living on my own. I was often met with bewilderment similar to when I told people that I abandoned any ideas of a legal career in order to become a teacher.

I must say this attitude rather surprised me, since there are plenty of perks of living on my own. I can arrange the furniture however I want. And I can rearrange my interior however many times I want. No need for debates with housemates, flipping coins and arguing about the colour of the sofa or how soft it should be. On that note, no housemates. This is a major advantage. Other people are annoying. They have annoying habits. They leave dirty dishes on the table, forget to take laundry out of the washing machine, do not stick to the cleaning schedule. I'm guilty of all of those, but it's ok when I'm on my own. When it comes to other people, I simply cannot tolerate certain things. I can bear Mr Magic being around a lot, because I'm planning to spend my life with him and it would be helpful to accept his few oddities (especially since I have so many), but people who most likely are in my life simply by chance? No, thank you.

But what I like the most about living on my own is the total peace that I get in the mornings and when I get back from work. I can take my time without worrying that I'm in anybody's way. I can relax with a book and a cup of tea away from people after a busy day surrounded by noise. I can replenish my energy in way that would not be possible if I had people coming and going all the time.

Of course, there are some downsides. I do feel lonely sometimes. It would be nice to be able to dump all my thoughts about the day onto somebody when I get home. Or just have an opportunity to hang around with another human in the room. From a more practical point of view, living on my own is expensive, all the charges need to be paid by me rather than splitting it with another person. Not to forget that there isn't anyone to share my baked goodies with, which sometimes proves problematic (there is only so much cake that one can eat. And I eat a lot of cake).

All things considered, though, I do enjoy living on my own. It has taught me to be independent and self-sufficient and gives me a lot of time to do my own thing. I am looking forward to living with my husband in the future, but for now I am embracing my current situation and honestly if I were to choose again, I would choose to have a single-person household. It suits my personality and gives me space to recharge.

Also, have a sneak peek into my apartment. It's nowhere near to be revealed to the world, but my living space looks decent already.

Cultivate what matters.

There are so many demands on our attention that sometimes it is difficult to see the bigger picture. We get bogged down by day-to-day problems, chores to do, errands to run and it often leaves me with the question 'is that it?' Is my life about short episodes of busyness, worry, joy or delight, caught between each other, but ultimately rather fleeting? I crave for a thread that would join all the pieces together, that would give purpose of it all.

As I was setting my goals for the year ahead, I really had to think what mattered. There isn't enough time to devote your time to peripheral things.

One my my colleagues keeps telling me that health is the most important thing in life and that I need to look after myself first. It's a challenge for me as so often I automatically put other people first. But recently my physical and emotional health has taken a massive hit due to stress and simple winter illness and I am become increasingly aware that my wellbeing, understood in very much a holistic sense, is important. There is only one me. So I better take time to do those stretching exercises, plan nutritious meals and schedule health checks.

I've been living on my own for a while now and nurturing important relationship has been something that I am notoriously bad at. Beyond Mr Magic and my parents, I really need to take more time to become a better friend. I have some periods when I'm on the top of things, texting and calling the people who matter to me, but I know that when things go a little crazy at work, I let those slip. Thankfully my friends are extremely forgiving, but I know I need to appreciate them more.

Looking at these two areas, health and relationships, I can't help but to notice how grateful I am for what I've got. Overall, I'm a healthy person with some solid friendships. And beyond these, I have a beautiful home, a decent job, fridge full of food and plans for a bright future. Gratefulness is so important, because it changes your outlook on life. Instead of seeing the glass as half empty, it becomes half full. There are some psychological studies showing that practising gratitude improves life satisfaction. From my own personal experience, I can say that if I pause every day to nice all the blessings I was showered with that day, I am a much happier and optimistic person.

As my journey through 2019 continues, I know I need to stop worrying about the details and start looking at the things that truly make a difference to how I feel and think. It will be a long journey.

Coping with shorter and colder months.

What?!

I've checked weather on my phone the other day and was shocked to see what time sun rise and sun set actually were at this time of the year. I leave house around 6:30 am each morning and get back at around 5, maybe 5:30 pm so in these colder months I barely see sunlight except short bursts at break time when I need to go outside to pick up my students for the next class. Other than that, however, I don't get a chance to enjoy the little sunshine we get in winter months. This, coupled with colder weather (although it has been rather mild most of the time this year), can really make it a challenge to go about your daily life: from getting out of bed in the morning, through going about your daily responsibilities, to staying healthy and relaxing with purpose.

I've put together a short guide to what you can do make winter months a little more bearable.

Wake up light

This is a life-saver. I can honestly recommend using wake up lights in the winter months when you wake up only to discover that it's still dark outside. I was gifted mine by Mr Magic and it's honestly the best present I ever got. It's the third winter I'm using it and usually after a few weeks I don't even need the sound anymore, the light alone wakes me up. I pack it up in spring and put at the bottom of my wardrobe ready for next winter. There's loads of those wake up lights out there now, I think the one I have is about £90, it's a lot of money, but as I said, worth every penny (or maybe you can suggest it as a Christmas gift?). If you're struggling to get out of bed in winter, it's definitely a great option.

Flavoured tea

I don't usually drink flavoured tea, but it's really nice to try some new stuff in winter to warm you up from the inside. I've had chocolate flake tea which was really good, apple and cinnamon is also one of my winter favourites. There is something very comforting in drinking something else than ordinary breakfast tea or even earl grey.

Cosy socks

I have a bunch of cosy wool blend socks in my drawer which are perfect for long winter evenings. My favourite ones were bought in Estonia last year. They have a lovely pattern and are so warm! I struggle keeping my hands and feet warm most of the time, so having nice cosy socks is absolutely essential. I don't often wear socks because I mostly wear skirts and dresses so tights are what I usually wear, but I actually have a completely separate winter socks collection for when ordinary cotton socks are not enough.

Gratitude

I feel like this word is being thrown around a lot, but being grateful can really make a difference to even the coldest of days when life seems to be too much. Each evening I thank God for specific things that happened that day (you can read about my praying routine here). It is a good practice to reflect on all the good things that happened to you. Even the smallest of things. I sometimes just thank God for the food that I've eaten or the time I had to read a book. On other days it might be something more special. In any case, practising gratitude helps me to keep a healthy perspective on things, to remember the positive aspects of my life.

Thoughtful gift-giving.

We're in the season of buying. There was Halloween, Black Friday, Cyber Monday, now Christmas shopping is in the full swing. It seems that there is always some occasion for which we should buy stuff. Or at least that's what all the companies want us to believe.

I am not crazy about receiving or giving gifts, it's not my love language and I find that actually spending time with somebody or doing some act of service for them is much more meaningful. However, I think there is beauty in giving gifts if they are personal and thought-through. I hate receiving generic gifts (and the same goes for any greeting cards, what is the point if you just sign your name under a pre-printed one-line message?). But I really appreciate if somebody gives me something that adds value to my life, makes it more efficient or just really speaks to me because it shows that the person really thought about me when buying the gift. I also love to give gifts when I know it will make another person smile and enrich their life in one way or another.

A caveat is necessary here. All gift-giving should be done without an expectation of getting anything in return. Sometimes a conversation might be needed. I know a lot of us feel obliged to give back to people who gift us, but gift-giving is not about obliging others to spend money on you. They might not have the means to. They might simply not want to and this is fine. Gift-giving is about opening our hearts up unconditionally and showing that we care about the person we are gifting to, that we appreciate them. Coercing somebody to give you a gift back has nothing to do with truly thoughtful gift-giving.

Thoughtful giving

My first suggestion is then to consider the receiver of the gift. What do they like? What do they need? What would make them happy? Different gifts will be appropriate for different people. Young parents might want to have some time for just each other, so maybe offer an evening of babysitting. A music fan will enjoy Spotify subscription, a book worm might want a special edition of their favourite book.

Secondly, think about gifting consumables and experiences rather than physical stuff. Ever since I started decluttering my possessions and simplifying my life, I really don't like getting gifts that will take up space in my home. I like to get food, tea, ethical beauty products, theatre tickets, spa vouchers anything that I can use up and have fun doing it. Museum pass might be an idea. Even better if you can make the gift yourself. Maybe a jar of delicious home-made cookies.

And if physical gifts are what you decide to go for, think of something practical. I remember one year my mum got a washing machine for her birthday and I was not impressed with dad at all, but I grew to appreciate such gifts, especially now that I have my own place. If a new kettle is something your friend needs, just get them the kettle. They will be eternally thankful and will think of you every time they make a cup of tea. I think so often we are caught up with an idea that gifts must be something special in a sense of not an everyday item, that we forget that people will rejoice at getting an item that they actually need but just never seem to have time to get round to buying. Like new underwear. Or a new tablecloth. Ask what they were meaning to buy for a long time and get it for your loved one.

Finally, the most valuable gift you can give is your time and undivided attention. No gift can make up for you being constantly busy, short tempered and stressed about about buying gifts. Being truly present over the Christmas period is might be the best present. Maybe it's the time to say 'You know what, we are not going to do gifts this year. Instead, we will cook together, sing carols, play board games. We are going to go for a long walk on Christmas day and just really enjoy being together'. Maybe it's the time.

Land of culinary disappointments.

I love this country, but England is not on the top of my list for good food. When we travel, an Italian place is usually a safe culinary choice. Pizza and pasta are delicious. "Traditional English food" is not something I would be naturally attracted to. And this is because I have experienced so many culinary disappointments here! More so than in any other place where I spent an extended period of time. Here they are, in no particular order.

Tea

British people drink 165 million cups of tea each day. Before moving to the UK, I thought it was a land of delicious tea. I couldn't be more wrong. Most tea drunk at homes around the country is nothing more than a bag of powdered leaves with no taste whatsoever. It's only when I started buying more upscale tea that I could truly enjoy a cuppa. 

Fish and chips

This was another great disappointment, regardless where I eat, be it a chippy a pub or a restaurant, there is always too much batter on the fish and the chips are no good. I'm not sure why people religiously visit fish and chips shops on Friday nights rather than opt for something more tasty and more nutritious.

Bread

Most of bread in Poland is delicious and there is so much variety that is readily available in every bakery. Here, sliced toast bread is everywhere and I hate it. It has no taste, it doesn't hold any shape and there is no nutritional value in this bread. Thankfully, many places now sell sourdough and different types of bread which are actually nice. Even packed Polish bread sold in some supermarkets is better, with plenty of seeds and dense texture. And you can learn to make bread. I made a few attempts at making buttermilk soda bread. Delicious!

Sausages

I don't eat meat anymore, but when I did. sausages were a big disappointment. I couldn't really taste any meat at all in them. Just a blended mass of something gray. Even sausages from the butcher's are not amazing most of the time. I was generally not that keen on processed meats of any kind here.

Bread and butter pudding
This last one is a disappointment, because it such a hit and miss.I had some really tasty bread and butter puddings and some extremely stodgy and excessively sweet blocks of stale bread. Not impressive. Maybe I should try making it myself.

I feel like I need to follow this post up next week with all the delicious food that I only discovered when I moved to England. And there are many dishes that I enjoy. So stay tuned for next week.

Decisions, decisions.

I need to make some serious life decisions in the coming weeks. I have no brain space for trivial matters.

~~~

I reckon I make about 500+ decisions in a day. Maybe more, given that I'm a teacher and I constantly need to decide how to respond to pupil interactions in my classroom. The problem is that my ability to make good decisions is easily depleted. So the key is to minimise the number of decisions I need to make each day.

Ever since I've decluttered my wardrobe, my mornings involve much less decisions, because I don't have piles and piles of clothes to get through in order to pick my outfit. In fact, I often plan it the previous evening. I have the same morning routine every day, wake up at the same time, bathroom, make a cup of tea, take lunch out of the fridge, eat breakfast, get dressed, brush my teeth, get out of the house. Same every day, I don't even need to think about it. I usually mak a big batch of food on a Sunday so that I can just take it to work for lunch without worrying what to eat. I make a rough meal plan for the week so that I don't have to come up with ideas for dinners.

As for my daily activities, I write down what I need to do when I get to work in the morning so that I have a productive hour without wasting time for making choices. Time at work is structured, but what happens in the classroom can be unpredictable, so I need all the energy I can get to respond to anything that might happen in the classroom. Like children trying to turn tables upside down or throwing bits of glue around. All these require me to be super alert and able to make quick decisions. So I come in in the morning with a clear idea what needs printing, what needs marking, which books need to be on the desks. And I have routines for the school day as well. At break time, I lay out the books for the next class, set up everything on my laptop for the next two periods of the day and I have my snack. Every day is the same. I know exactly what to do and how to do it, no need to think to much.

I know that some people might say that it is sad and that there doesn't seem to be any spontaneity in my life, but actually I found that because I've pre-made so many decisions, I have more energy and time for being spontaneous when I feel like it. And I actually really like structure. It gives me a sense of security and lets me really focus on what matters. Like taking time to do my MA or to make better lesson plans or engage with professional development. Time is precious. If I can make a decision about something trivial once a week or once a month instead of every day, I'm going to do it, no doubt about it.

Cash only.

I was so excited when I got my new bank card with contactless. A whole new world opened up before me: the world of quick purchases without entering my pin for minor spending.

Then I got a credit card to build up my credit score.

I thought that I was happily moving towards completely cashless living. No scrambling around for lose change anymore. Quick transactions only.

But recently, I've actually become increasingly reliant on cash. I would take out a specific amount each week and use to for paying for groceries, petrol, coffee, shoe repairs, hairdresser. Some purchases would still need to be done digitally, like most of my utility bills, mortgage repayments, council tax and an odd online purchase, but the vast majority of the time, I would just use the physical money in my wallet.

I do it for a number of reasons. First of all, it came about as a money management tool. I try to live frugally and it is much easier to do so when I'm using cash. I can literally see how money dwindles in my purse. Using cash makes me a more intentional spender, because I an only spend as much as I have in my purse. The budget is truly limited. A side benefit of this was less food waste as I bought less groceries. I also spend less, because I'm a much more savvy shopper, looking for deals and discounts on items I need to buy.

Secondly, using cash really kills impulse purchases and emotional spending. It literally hurts to part with physical money. Parting with hard-earned cash is much more difficult then tapping a card. I've discovered a completely different level of attachment to money while trying to use cash only. By this I mean a deeper understanding that I've worked for this money and I want to buy things that really enrich my life in some way. A cheap decorative item, a not so flattering shirt or a cream-filled doughnut won't do. Again, intentionality is the key here.

My next step on the journey of being better with money is to get to grips with the cash envelope system of a sort. At the moment I have just one pot of cash for all outgoings. I would like to divide my cash into specific categories of spending so that I can see clearly how much I spend on each of these and direct any potential spare change into my savings account. It's all very well to withdraw £50 for the weekend in London, but how much of it goes towards travel, how much towards drinks and how much towards eating out? I think it will be quite revealing and will lighten the burden of tracking individual purchases, something that I do at the moment. I'm not so much interested how much I spend in individual terms, but I am very much interested how much I spend in general terms on groceries, eating out or clothing.

Financial institutions want to sell us the idea that cards are the way forward, but I still see the benefits of using cash to become a more conscious consumer.

Make time.

I've been working ridiculously long hours last week (again!) and it felt that I was never quite up to date with anything. Dishes have been piling up in the sink, laundry basket was overflowing, the kitchen floor was covered with crumbs and the freezer got completely wiped out of emergency food supplies.

I didn't have time to read, to exercise, to pray, to think. I would do with an extra hour or two in a day.

But that obviously is not going to happen, so I've been thinking really hard how to make time for the things that matter.

My time is taken up by a lot of work responsibilities, family affairs, household duties, hobbies, social  commitments and faith related activities. All of these might be good in themselves, but it is not possible to do everything. It is not possible to attend to all the aspects of my life with the same care and devotion. So I am at the stage where I really want to pare down to the activities that are truly important to me. Things that will help me to flourish and become a better person.

Now that I decluttered my physical possessions, the time has come to declutter my diary. I made a list of activities I want to take time to do, how long they take and how often I want to make time for them. The list is not extensive. A few daily activities, a few weekly ones. It turned out there is not a great number of things I want to spend my time on. And yet I never seem to have enough time, because I don't prioritise these things over all other demands on my time.

I need to be more intentional about how I spend my time. Less procrastinating and watching youtube videos. More reading good book, praying and talking to my family. Less marking until late, more exercising.

At the end of the day, life is so short. I want to spend it doing worthwhile things. I need to make time for what brings me joy and fulfillment.

Autumn favourites.

September has come and gone, now we're in the month of October when leaves start turning into all shades of orange, yellow and red, fall off the trees and shorter days mean that I can spend more time wrapped in my blanket reading books. Today I want to share with you some of my Autumn favourites: things I really enjoyed, found helpful or that simply enriched my life in one way or another.

The Canterbury Tales a retelling by Peter Ackroyd.

Written in the 14th century in Middle English, this beautiful work of literature is retold using modern language, without using any of the grace of the writing. It's such an interesting window into the life and mindset of people of that time: by the looks of it, a mindset filled with fear of sexual infidelity, the tension between the spiritual and the corporal, and the interest in ancient mythology. I thoroughly enjoyed all 25 stories in the gathered by Chaucer, laughed at many and got moved by others. Highly recommended for everyone who needs a very different book than most of novels around.

Loose leaf tea

I stopped buying teabags and I am so enjoying brewing loose leaf tea. It might be less convenient, but the taste is amazing each time, so much better than any other teabag tea I've had. I've just purchased another batch of different types of teas, earl grey, chamomile, peppermint, english breakfast and popcorn tea to fill up my containers. Making my tea now is like a celebration and a leisure activity. Such joy!

Neutral flats

I don't usually buy shoes in any colour other than black, occasionally navy, but I bought a pair of neutral pink flats from Ecco so that I have some school shoes (killed the ballerinas from last year, holes in the soles and all) and I am very pleased with them. I was initially skeptical about wearing light-coloured shoes, bu I've covered it with protective spray and it hasn't been raining, so they still look great, even after days and days of intense wearing round the school. These flats are such a nice addition to my wardrobe. They took a couple of weeks to get really comfy, but they go with everything and are very light, so I hope they last until the summer. I do wreck shoes quickly, because I have so few they get used almost every day.

DIY deodorant

Made from coconut oil, cornstarch, baking soda and a few drops of essential oil, this DIY deodorant works so well, I'm not ever going back to a store bought one. I made it out of necessity as I run out and didn't have time to pop to the shops. Smells lovely (I've added lemongrass oil) and keeps me nice and fresh all day long. It's a definite keeper. It might be a little unusual to make your own toiletries, but in search for more sustainable and more affordable life, I've found that I can really pare down the personal products I use.

Wednesdays
Mr Magic has been coming down for Wednesday and it's so good to get back from work and have your loved one waiting for you and cooking food. Midweek can sometimes be horrible, with tiredness kicking in and weekend not yet in sight. You still have so much to do and only a couple of days to go. Having something to look forward to on a Wednesday is wonderful for my wellbeing and it helps me with work-life balance which hasn't been great so far. It's a weekly treat, a space to pause and breathe. I cannot put in long hours of work in the evening when Mr Magic is here, so I switch off my work-mode more easily than on a normal week night.

Monthly planner
I've shared my planning routine with you before, but I've realised that weekly spread does not work that well for me and now I just use the monthly pages. I don't have many appointments during the week beyond things that are not time sensitive, so I don't need all the space for putting activities and times in. My planner ended up looking rather sad some weeks when I only got to work and the only extra thing on my schedule was hoovering. Now I write down the most important appointments and schedule in house activities on two pages rather than on eight different ones for each month.  I got my monthly planner for 2019 already and I'm going to purchase some stickers also to go with it, this is super exciting. Look out for a planning update early next year.

There has been many more things I really enjoyed in the past month, including baking, bits and bobs of diy, reading many books and looking after my plants. Life has been busy, but it has been good.  Heating is on after a sudden drop in temperature. I'm buying a dishwasher to make my life more convenient and to save time. We've been planning New Year's trip. Another three weeks until the half term. And there's a lot of cake on the horizon.

Dealing with changes.

A couple of months ago I made a move to a completely new place. I have a new job. I am (slowly) making new friends. I have a new rhythm of life in so many different ways. I don't wake up at 5am anymore, for instance. 

Changes are stressful. Even those planned changes that you have anticipated for months. Changes that have been meticulously considered and planned are still stressful. I am not so good with change. This is somewhat ironic, given the frequency with which I've been changing where I lived. I suppose I must have developed some tactics o help me dealt with changes. To make those frequent changes not so scary and not so painful.

1. Have a constant.

It can be a person, a thing, a place. For me, my parents and Mr Magic provide such a constant. They are always just on the other side of the phone line. I can always turn to them for comfort and advice. In this funny period between moving away from old friends and meeting new one, they provide me with all the love and attention I need.

2. Develop routines. Quickly.

Changes might mean that your old routines need to change too. But it is important to have a routine to fall back on. I retained the general structure of my daily routine, but had to make some alterations because my flat is different, my work is further away from home, Mr Magic is a much more frequent visitor over here. All of this meant that old routines developed over the last year no longer work for me. But I desperately need routines. I'm still not where I want to be with these, but I'm getting there. My days are becoming more organised each week.

3. Get to know the surroundings.

It really helps me if I know where everything is at home. It also gives me comfort to know where important places are in the area. The church, the shop, the dentist, the health centre, the pharmacy, the petrol station. I like to check the location of these on the map before the move to have a vague mental picture of where everything is. And then I try to memorise the way to those places as quickly as possible to stop using the sat nav. It gives a sense of being at home.

4. Have loads of food.

When I'm stressed, cooking is the last thing I want to do after a busy day. I have no patience for chopping vegetables, opening cans, peeling, simmering and washing up all the pots and utensils. But eating pizza or chinese every night is not fu either, despite its initial attraction.. So I like to have loads of delicious food at hand. It could be pizza, ready meals, loads of bread, eggs and baked beans. The key is to fill up the freezer or the fridge with food that is easy to reheat and that will bring you joy. I filled up my freezer with tartlets, bakes, curries, brownies, hot cross buns... I'm a big fan of batch cooking and I'm a freezer queen. It's a life saver.

5. Stop and relax.

Adjusting to a new environment is tiring. There is so much to do. It is also emotionally exhausting. What I have learnt in the past few weeks was that as some point I just need to stop and switch off. Stop cleaning, preparing, writing, reading, organising. Stop worrying. I just need to make a cup of tea and relax. Take a bath. Watch GBBO. Go for a walk. Whatever it takes to stay sane.

Changes are difficult, but you can make them a little more bearable with some planning and with a little down to earth attitude. Changes are temporary in the end. Not before long a change becomes a new normal. Let's just joyfully persevere until them.

Not a chance.

There are a lot of milestones in life.

There is the first day at school, the 16th birthday, then 18th birthday. And then 25th birthday. A quarter of a century.

I'm turning 25 in a few weeks' time (whoop! whoop!)

I had a lot of ideas as to what I would achieve by the time I turned 25. Many of my dreams came true. Some things exceeded my most extravagant. But many thins I thought I would have been or would have achieved by the time I was 25 simply never came about. 

Be married and mother my first child

I thought I would be married and have my first child by the age of 25 but neither of those is on the cards at the moment. Part of me is disappointed, but a much bigger part of me is very thankful that I haven't got married to any of the men I dated in the past. Honestly, I don't know what I was thinking. Marriage is a huge decision and you need to find a person who will love you unconditionally, who will stand beside you regardless of the ups and down of life. But once you find this special person, you will want to commit every minute of the rest of your life to serve him, to support him, to love him.

Have an MA

Getting a Masters degree was another thing I thought I would have done before I turned 25. I suppose this is a legacy of my Polish mentality. In Poland people seem to do an integrated degree programmes with an MA following directly after the completion of a BA. After starting studying here in the UK, I've actually completely abandoned the idea of doing an MA. I had enough of studying, spending our reading journals and writing essays. It didn't seem necessary for the work I wanted to do either. But I've changed my mind and I'm actually almost half way through doing my MA at the moment. I did it to pursue my interest, to become a better practitioner and to keep myself mentally challenged. I should finish the programme before I turn 26, so all is well.

Have an established exercise routine

and actually sticking to it. Do I exercise? Yes. Is it a routine that I follow without an issue? Nope. Definitely not. My flat is on the second floor now, so I get a good amount of exercise from just running up and down. This is made worse by my forgetfulness, but at least I don't really need a gym. The truth is that having an exercise schedule sucks all the fun out of doing those exercises. I much rather go as and when I actually feel like it, especially with a job that is really physically demanding (I must do at least 100 squats a day!).

Learn a third language.

I had a fair go at Dutch years ago, but I never managed to fully commit myself to learning another language. I tried Danish for a while and then thought that an Easter European language would be better, so I looked into Slovak. Learning a language takes time and I have less and less of it as I get older. It is also increasingly frustrating to experience that helplessness of early stages of language acquisition when I am already fluent in another language. I suppose it was natural as a child to be struggling with putting sentences together, but now it is simply infuriating. Maybe I'll have another go when I finish my Masters', there is only so much that you can do at once.

Be a great hostess

What I mean by being a great hostess is throwing dinner parties, hosting board game evenings, puppy meets ups and so on. I occasionally have a few people over, but I'm not a natural and it takes so much of my physical, mental and emotional energy to organise a small get together. I had a vision of myself as a sort of domestic goddess with piles of sandwiches, cakes and fresh flowers always on the table. I am definitely overflowing with cake most of the time, but parties are definitely not my thing. A cup of tea, a book or a good movie? Definitely. I am not going to be fabulous at entertaining people at home any time soon. But that's ok. I'm busy enough trying to entertain myself.

~~~

All the above things won't materialise by the time I turn 25. Not a chance. But I'm not bitter about it, because I came to realise that life needs to proceed at its own pace. I cannot speed things up, I cannot rewind to the past to make different choices. Instead, I tak each day as it comes. Life is good. Life is comfortable and most definitely interesting.

Now I'm off to enjoy the last couple of weeks of my summer holiday. It will be quiet here until September. But do not fear, I'm going to be back!

Digital detox.

I've decided to set myself a challenge for the month of August and since I've been using my phone far too much in the past few weeks (though I had good reasons for it), so this seems like a good place to start. I want to do a little detox to focus on things that are actually important and enriching.

I don't think I have a massive problem with excessive use of technology, especially that most of the time I'm simply to busy to spend hours on social media, but summer holidays are tricky, especially that I'm not going away anywhere this year. I know very well that looking down at my phone for prolonged periods of time causes back pain and eye strain, not to mention the impact on emotional wellbeing. So I'm keen to make some changes to improve my life.

Here are the rules:

Laptop is a little tricky, because I need to actually use it to finish off my Master's assignment, but I will watch out for those moments of scrolling down Facebook Marketplace in search for furniture (joy of moving into an empty flat). For my laptop, I will set specific times for "mindless" browsing and looking for things. Skyping my family is another thing I'm going to use my laptop for. And working on the assignment. That' it. Well, I suppose blogging will be another exception, but I'm pretty efficient in writing these pieces once I get an idea what I want to write about.

As for the phone, I'll only use it for making calls and receiving calls and for my cycle tracker and spending tracker. That's it. I actually have an actual alarm clock, so I don't even need to use my phone for that. I'm going to put my phone in my bag so that I don't feel tempted to pick it up. I think it will be a challenge, because I often pick my phone up just out of habit rather than out of genuine need. I already changed the screen to greyscale, that actually helped a lot because grey screen is not as attractive as a screen with lovely bright colours. I'm also deleting the apps that I don't need, especially Facebook. The more inconvenient it is to access something (in this case, turn on my laptop, type in the web address and log into the website), the less likely I am to use it.

Starting tomorrow, 1st August, I'll use technology responsibly. No scrolling through pages and pages of posts which are not enriching my life in any way.

It will be a long month...

Sunday Special: Ora et labora.

There are two Benedictine abbeys on the Isle of Wight.

St Cecilia’s Abbey in Ryde is a place of tranquillity. It is a strict cloister, the contact with the outside world is really limited for the women who chose to spend their lives there.

Then there is Quarr Abbey in Fishbourne. It is not as quiet as St Cecilia. There is a tea shop, a pig pen, a gift shop, abbey tours on Tuesdays and various retreats.

These two abbeys are very different yet there is one thing that they have in common: the Rule of St Benedict as their foundation.

The Rule is a short document, you can easily read it over the course of a single evening, but it is so rich in its spirituality that one needs to come back to it again and again to truly appreciate this abundance of wisdom from St Benedict.

The Rule might at first seem to be rather irrelevant in our times. It was written for sixth century monks. And indeed, many parts of it are concerned with practicalities of living in a monastic community (and St Benedict was a truly practical man, he describes the bed linen that each monk should get, their clothing and footwear, the meals to be eaten and what to do if you are travelling and you are not able to get back in time for scheduled prayers). But in the midst of all these seemingly irrelevant instructions, there is something timeless that we can all apply to our lives.

The Rule of St Benedict is often abbreviated to ora et labora. Pray and work. St Benedict places prayer at the centre of the monastic life, especially prayer through Psalms (Liturgy of the Hours, anyone?). He also says that idleness is the enemy of the soul. He wants the monks to be always engaged in some activity that brings them into the unity with God. It might be in time of prayer, it might be through work for the monastery or the neighbour.

What does the Rule have to offer for us? Here are three ideas from St Benedict to enrich our busy lives.

If you get your hands on the Rule, read Chapter 19 and Chapter 20. They talk about the approach to prayer. Benedict gave a strict guidance as to the regularity of prayer, but just turning up when you are supposed to will not cut it. For Benedict, being intentional and truly present during the time of prayer was key for spiritual growth.

Benedict recommended the monks to be always busy, so work (manual labour in the Rule) was an essential part of his spirituality. It wasn’t an inconvenience interrupting the times of prayer. Work for Benedict was a part of Christian life. God worked for six days and then rested after creation: and since all that God does is holy, work must be holy too. My work doesn’t feel holy most of the time at all. But it’s all about offering your time and effort up to God and performing your duties as if you were serving the Lord directly.

Finally, hospitality. It is not merely entertaining guests at dinner parties. I was a stranger and you welcomed me. Hospitality is making sure people feel welcomed around you. They should feel at peace when interacting with you, should feel valued and important for only one reason: because they are a fellow human being and are made in the image of God. Hospitality can be exercised in all circumstances, at home, at work, when on holidays or just relaxing in a café. It’s paying attention to the needs of another and treating those we encounter with deep respect.

~~~

I'm looking forward to exploring more of the benedictine spirituality in the coming weeks and visiting more benedictine abbeys. They are places of such tranquility that even if I only visit for a couple of hours, I feel spiritually replenished. Next on my list is Worth Abbey.

Mid-year review.

The first six months of the year have passed, so I thought it would be useful to have a look at the goals I set back in early January.

I had three goals for 2018. Looking back, I probably should have phrased them differently, have more of them, but at the same time make them more specific. But I can fix this for the next half of the year.

Achievements

Let's first look at my achievements in the past six months. I think it is important to acknowledge thing we are proud of, especially that so often we are focused on out shortcoming and areas for improvement. 

I let go of a lot of material possessions, the process which massively simplified my life. I've realised that clutter stresses me out.

During Lent, I spent nothing (except covering ordinary household expenses), a habit that stayed with me in a shape of increased awareness of where my money is going.

I really developed as a teacher. I know what I'm doing and why I'm doing it. I love my job even though it is really challenging.

2018 Goals

1. Deepen my relationship with God through prayer and Scripture reading

2. Spend time with people I love - set time aside each week for meals/coffee etc.

3. Exercise twice a week and take evenings off. Eat properly.

Progress

1. I have almost found my rhythm of prayer. Scripture reading is till an area to work on, but I definitely do more of it than in the past. I manage to squeeze some quick prayer time during the work day as well.

2. I don't have weekly dates with friend, but I see them more often, speak to Babcia much more frequently and generally I feel that I show more affection to people who are important to me.

3. The third goal is definitely the one that suffered the most over the past six months. I do take evenings off and generally each healthily, but exercise is not happening. I started walking to work again, which is good, but I'm yet to find love for actually turning up at a class each week.

Looking forward

I feel that I need to revise my goals for the next six months and add some more focus to them.

1. On the top of my daily prayer routine, I want to go to Adoration twice a month to have some quiet reflection time.

2. Cultivate Sunday walks to up my exercise intake without much effort.

3. Refocus on people who matter to me and really make time each month to catch up with family and friends. Monthly catch up seems like a realistic frequency for me to manage.

4. I need to schedule time each week to catch up with Master's work. Really important. Becoming urgent.

5. Stop buying food on the go to curb unnecessary spending. Really important with flat redecorating getting underway at the end of the month and it will probably go on for a few months.

6. On that note, plan redecorating both from the point of view of finances and of logistics.

7. Get a puppy.

Keep your eyes peeled for a check-in in six months' time to see the progress of things.

Making peace with my body.

My body will not be beach ready this year.

I don't actually think it will ever be.

Firstly, I don't like sitting on the beach. I don't like the sand, it's usually uncomfortable, too hot and generally it's a rather unpleasant experience for me.

Secondly, I was walking down the seafront the other day, looking at ladies in bikinis and I looked down at my legs thinking 'Gosh, I need to sort it out'. Followed immediately by 'What are you on about, Kat?!'

I don't want to think about my body in this way. I don't want to feel insufficient, imperfect, not good enough. I have so much pressure on me coming from different directions that I definitely do not need it to come from within my head as well.

I'm actually quite happy with my body. It does have a few cm extra here and there, but I don't need the pressure of trying to squeeze into size 34 (those shorts have been donated now, thankfully). I have a rather utilitarian attitude towards my body. It needs to do its job. That's all I'm expecting. Carry em through my life without any major problems. Anything else is a helpful extra.

I will continue my evening light aerobic exercises (aka walking) not to control my weight, but to feel better physically and mentally. It's a good way of looking after my heart and my back. I might occasionally turn up at a fitness class, but not with a view of losing a couple of pounds. I simply enjoy jumping around and this is my opportunity to stop thinking about any worries: all my brainpower is engaged in trying to coordinate my legs and arms. Really all I care about is to keep healthy so that my body can serve me well for years to come.

Ahoy!