5 love languages.

I don't often read relationship advice. I learn as I go along. But 5 Love Languages by Gary Chapman was recommended on one of the YouTube channels I follow as a perfect book for marriage preparation and I thought that it would be good to get a head start in order to improve my relationship before we get engaged and think about the wedding.

I must say that this is one of very few books that I've read which truly made different to the way I live.

The premise is simple. There are five love languages: words of affirmation, quality time, receiving gifts, acts of service and physical touch. Each of us have a preference in terms of how we want others to show us that they love us, Chapman calls is our primary love language. My love language is acts of service. I'm not bothered with gifts at all, I appreciate when somebody picked something specifically for me and I am really grateful for it, but I could go on without gifts for a long time. On the other hand, I really feel loved when somebody makes me a cup of tea, or hoovers the house, or unloads the dishwasher. Now I also understand why Mr Magic constantly wants to travel or do some activities. In the past it drove me mad, because I like staying at home, watching a movie or reading a book, but his primary love language is quality time and he wants us to do things. Now I am much more understanding and I am consciously making effort to find things for us to do. Some of these might be out and about (fermenting class anyone?), some at home (like playing games). Whatever it is, I know that Mr Magic wants to have my undivided attention while doing some sort of activity.

I would say that getting this insight made a massive difference to my relationship. I understand Mr Magic better. He understands me better. We are more intentional about how we spend our time and have some solid ideas about how to express love. As an addition to finding out about our love languages, we also listed 30 things that make us know that we are loved. It was a great exercise to show how much we appreciate little things we do for each other and what makes us smile on daily basis.

If you are still planning Valentine's Day, think about your loved one's love language. Depending on what it is, they will be most pleased with different things. Roses and chocolates might be best if their love language is receiving gifts, but if it is quality time, what about a dinner date followed by a walk? And remember to keep your love tank full all your round, not only on February 14th.