The mess of this Holy Night.

I'm not a fan of Christmas cards, even those strictly religious ones. The reason is that they all look so neat and perfect. Mary with her hair so tidy under the veil. Jesus sweetly sleeping wrapped in a blanket. St Joseph keeping watch over those two most precious people in his life. All farm animals calmly standing around as in awe. Depending on the nature of the scene you might have a shepherds bowing down, dressed simply, but always cleanly. Or the three wise men with their precious gifts looking all glorious. The stars are shining over the scene. The darkness of the night has been illuminated by the coming of Emmanuel, God with us.

The Nativity by Correggio

Sounds like a fairy tale, doesn't it?

Now contrast it with the mess it must have actually been that night.

Wind blowing through this makeshift shelter. Mary with hair stuck to her wet with perspiration forehead. She probably didn't look particularly glorious after all the efforts of labour. Jesus probably wasn't washed (could they find any water in the middle of the night?), the smell of the animals must not have been pleasant. My favourite screen adaptation of the Christmas story is The Nativity series from 2010. I think it is beautiful how honest and human this particular adaptation is: with Joseph being utterly confused by the events over the nine months until the Holy Night of Christmas, Mary scared by the prospect of giving birth on a dirty floor and those faithful shepherds adoring their King. 

The Nativity by Gari Melchers, 1891

The reason why I want to think about the Christmas Night as an utterly messy affair is because in all this mess, improvised solutions and less than ideal circumstances, God was there! Christ has come into this mess. And as He has come into the mess in Bethlehem over two thousands years ago, so He comes into the mess of our lives today. He doesn't mind that we are not quite ready, that we haven't quite tidied up all those bits that should have got tidies up years ago, that we are in less than presentable outfit, that our house in not warmed up enough and that we haven't got anything to welcome Him with.

Jesus comes into my life every day, even though I am an terrible sinner and I stumble every day. But He wants to be with me in my mess. He wants to sanctify my mess. He wants to make me Holy, so that I can start dealing with my mess one thing at a time. I might never finish this task. But by the grace of God I might be able to sweep some dust from the floor of the stable and maybe even wipe Mary's forehead.

Christmas is such a grace, such a blessed time. God becomes one of us, so that we can become the sons and daughters of God. With our messy lives, unfinished businesses, relationships tangled with lack of love. He has come! He is God with Us, Emmanuel. Let Him into your chaos and let Him do wonders.

Sunday Special: Reclaiming the seventh day.

In the Jewish tradition, Shabbat is roughly 25 hours of rest from a few minutes before the sunset on a Friday night to sunset on Saturday. In Catholic world, the day of rest get shifted to Sunday, the day of the Resurrection, but the premise is the same. Both traditions take their origins from Genesis and they echo the story of Creation:

And on the seventh day God finished his work which he had done. So God blessed the seventh day and hallowed it, because on it God rested from all his work he had done in creation. (Genesis 2:2-3)

Think about, if God, who is Almighty and All-powerful needed a day of rest, how much more we, mortal creatures, need a day to rest and replenishment. This is why is when God has given Moses the Ten Commandments, the necessity of imitate God in His pattern of work and rest:

Remember the Sabbath day, to keep it holy. Six days you shall labor, and do all your work; but the seventh day is a Sabbath to the Lord your God; in it you shall not do any work, you, or your son, or your daughter, your manservant, or your maidservant, or your cattle, or the sojourner who is within your gates; for in six days the Lord made heaven and earth, the sea, and all that is in them, and rested the seventh day; therefore the Lord blessed the Sabbath day and hallowed it. (Exodus 20: 8-11)

The Jewish celebrations of Sabbath follow certain rules as to what sort of activity is permissible, with 39 major categories and many more subcategories of labour which is prohibited on Shabbat. For Christians, the celebration of Sunday replaces that of Sabbath. As described by St Ignatius of Antioch:

Those who lived according to the old order of things have come to a new hope, no longer keeping the sabbath, but the Lord's Day, in which our life is blessed by him and by his death.

Although as a Christian I am not bound by the strict rules of the Old Covenant, I think it is beneficial to reach to the Jewish heritage. This is especially so given that the Catechism of the Catholic Church is really thin when it comes to giving directions as to Sunday celebrations:

2185 On Sundays and other holy days of obligation, the faithful are to refrain from engaging in work or activities that hinder the worship owed to God, the joy proper to the Lord's Day, the performance of the works of mercy, and the appropriate relaxation of mind and body. (...) 

2187 Sanctifying Sundays and holy days requires a common effort. Every Christian should avoid making unnecessary demands on others that would hinder them from observing the Lord's Day. Traditional activities (sport, restaurants, etc.), and social necessities (public services, etc.), require some people to work on Sundays, but everyone should still take care to set aside sufficient time for leisure. With temperance and charity the faithful will see to it that they avoid the excesses and violence sometimes associated with popular leisure activities. In spite of economic constraints, public authorities should ensure citizens a time intended for rest and divine worship. Employers have a similar obligation toward their employees.

This is not particularly helpful. I know Jesus wasn't very fond of rigid rules and He criticised pharisees many times for making the Law unduly burdensome for the people, but I would like some more direction on celebrating Sunday beyond going to Church and not working. I try to do spiritual reading each Sunday and go for a walk, but how else could I be giving glory to the Creator? It was only in readings coming from the Jewish tradition that I've found some really useful pointers. Such a rich spirituality there

How else express glory in the presence of eternity, if not by the silence of abstaining from noisy acts?

Noisy acts... So many of them in my life. Checking media feeds, messages, keeping busy with this and that. I've come to believe that noise and busy means productive and fulfilled, but there is no direct relationship between these. In fact, I increasingly find myself much happier and more efficient when at work when I unplug at a certain time. So my Sundays become sacred now. The time when work doesn't need to be done. It can wait until Monday morning. If it couldn't wait, I would have done it already.

So no hoovering, checking email, washing up, cleaning the bathroom, dealing with dirty laundry. This pile of homework probably doesn't need to be marked on that Sunday afternoon either. Instead, let's finally play the piano, read something spiritual, listen to a good homily, visit a friend (or host a tea party). For me the seventh day is about growing in love of God and neighbour. Admittedly, every day should be about it, but Sunday should be dedicated specifically to this end. This is when I do not need to worry about making ends meet, sorting little things out, making appointments, applying for jobs and taking care of the house. "Therefore I tell you, do not be anxious about your life, what you shall eat or what you shall drink, nor about your body, what you shall put on. Is not life more than food, and the body more than clothing?" (Matthew 6:25) Six days in a week I spend taking care of the temporal life. One day in the week for life eternal seems not sufficient anyway when we compare this short earthly life with eternity. Quite pathetic actually when you think about it.

But I am working hard on reclaiming at least this seventh day as my day of rest and being with the Lord. As a day when my mind, body and spirit does not need to rush, but can just go on at least a metaphorical stroll. When I can be still in the presence of the Almighty.

What quarter-life crisis?

One day I came across a TED talk on "quarter-life" crisis. Of course I've heard about mid-life crisis, but quarter-life crisis was a bit of novelty, so I listened with interest, and then I went off to do some more research, as you do, watching Youtube videos, reading blogs and articles, you name it. By the way, when you search quarter-life crisis on YouTube, it comes up with over 250,000 results, ranging from TEDtalks (yep, more than one on the topic), through vlogs, semi-educational videos to musicals (!). 

To put some definition onto this concept, a quarter-life crisis is apparently what hits twenty-somethings when they need to figure things out and "have it all together". 

I wonder where you find all these twenty somethings with everything figured out? Let me meet them! I have a couple of friends who are or will shortly be getting married, friends who do have jobs, but mostly don't plan long term careers in those professions. Many go through break up after break up and simply move on. It's life!

There is something deeply worrying about deeming ordinary life occurrences as a crises. Life is undoubtedly confusing and I think almost everybody is simply winging it 97% of the time, so saying that I'm in crisis simply because I'm looking for a job or not sure where I'll be moving to or where my relationship is going is an overstatement.

Gosh, I find life incredibly difficult, there is so much to think about, I forgot to pay council tax the other day and got a rather passive aggressive reminder in snail mail; and you need to budget and think about what to cook in the evening, I stress out about staying on the top of my housework (this never-disappearing pile of dirty dishes!) and even about making time for myself. How ridiculous is that! The thing is, life is like that and has always been. But in the grand scheme of things, all these worried don't matter that much.

I think that if you want to deal with "quarter-life crisis", or rather with normal occurrences in life of a young adult (which sometimes can be daunting) you need to things: perspective and good relationships. As to perspective, it is so easy to get caught up in all the problems that come up every day, but it is important to remember that at the end of the day many of those things will not be of any significance. A couple of years down the line the rubbish boyfriend will be almost forgotten and changing careers will be a normal course of things in your professional development. As to relationships, when you have somebody who you can talk to about everything that bothers you, that makes such a difference to your quality of life. Mr Magic is my emotional vent and I can cope with all the life events so much better knowing that he is on the other side of the wireless connection. It's an immense comfort to have the other half who is always ready to listen. But it can also be a friend or a parent, the premise is the same.

I don't think we should overindulge in naming ordinary life occurrences as crises. It appears to be a feature of modern times to over diagnose, over name and over react. Maybe instead we should embrace life as it is and just take it one day at the time as well as we can. Because most of us can deal with it all just fine.

Sunday Special: Seek First His Kingdom.

Last weekend, I went to my first Celebrate Conference. My mind, body and spirit could only take one day as opposed to the whole weekend this time, but I feel so blessed with the time I've spent praising the Lord, meeting lovely people, having so many interesting conversations and just really thinking deeply about my life and my faith. And I'm looking forward to catching up with the Conference recording's over the coming weekends (and revisiting the talks I've heard on Saturday). They will be a lot to take in.

What comes next is a selection of thoughts and reflections from myself and a variety of people met at the Conference.

The Loving Father.

The word father appear over 600 times in the Old Testament and almost 400 times in the New Testament. The only more frequently appearing words are God, Lord, Christ and Jesus. Clearly, Father is an important concept in Christianity. Yet somehow not emphasised enough. Christians strive to have a relationship with Jesus, but Jesus was all about having a relationship with the Father. When He taught us to pray, He taught us to say "Our Father, who art in Heaven".

Jesus told him, “I am the way, the truth, and the life. No one can come to the Father except through me." (John 14: 6)

So the Father is important, but there is something fundamental that everybody should understand. God is the Loving Father who created you out of this love. You are not a mistake, a glitch in a system or a coincidence. You have been thought through. In fact, God could not have imagined a world without you. You are an indispensable part of the creation.

For you created my inmost being;
you knit me together in my mother’s womb.
I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made;
your works are wonderful,
I know that full well. (Psalm 139: 13-14)

The Doors.

What do the doors to your hearts and your soul look like? Here's a painting by Holman Hunt, The Light of the World, with Jesus knocking on your door. The door might be covered with overgrowth, but He still wants to come in. But there is no handle on the outside. You can only open from the inside. It's your choice.

And here is my door. With a handle on the inside. And a door chain. Though the chain is off now. So the doors can be easily opened. Oh, and the peephole. That's important for my security, just looking out who's outside, and what He wants. I would like to move beyond that to the open door stage, but I need a little more time and encouragement.

Pray like a punk.

There is place for quiet contemplative prayer, for adoration and for reflection. But sometimes, your prayer must get loud, forceful and almost angry. One of my favourite parts of the Bible is when Jesus drives the merchants out of the temple. He throws the tables over, shouts at the people, has this burning rage on his face. And this passion for the Father is what I am talking about when I talk about praying like a punk. Get lost in the Spirit. Invoke the power of the Name of Jesus.

The seventy-two returned with joy and said, “Lord, even the demons submit to us in your name.” (Luke 10:17)

And these signs shall follow them that believe; In my name shall they cast out devils; they shall speak with new tongues;
They shall take up serpents; and if they drink any deadly thing, it shall not hurt them; they shall lay hands on the sick, and they shall recover. (Mark 16:17-18)

Christians should be so bold about their prayer, because Jesus has given us such a privilege when He let us invoke His Name. It's not something restricted to the religious. Call on the Name of Jesus. He yearns to respond to your call. 

Abandon yourself.

This might sound a little contradictory to my previous reflection, but  when you abandon yourself completely to the Lord, your life becomes much simpler and all of a sudden everything falls into place. You need to call up to the Lord, but at the same time have total trust that He will keep His promise. 

The LORD will fight for you; you need only to be still. (Exodus 14:14)

So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand. (Isaiah 41:10)

I am constantly amazed by the power of this abandonment. When I feel stuck, I pray "Jesus, I abandon myself to you, Jesus, You take over." We shouldn't worry, because we do have a loving Father and He takes care of everything. Nothing is too big for Him. Nothing is too little. God will take care of your troubles, whatever they are. Just place them at the foot of the Cross. Everything has come to its fulfillment at the Cross. 

~~~

Seek First His Kingdom. Everything else second class. 

#villagelife

Patchy internet connection over the last week or so meant that I had to embrace analogue past times. Cycling, walking, reading a newspaper on the patio, drinking excessive amounts of tea and coffee, thinking about the next year, swimming in the pool and baking cakes.

In the last week, I've become fixated about cows, geese, chickens and horses. I don't see farm animals very often on my little island, so observing the daily moves of a pair of calves was a fascinating experience. I've seen farmers calmly and patiently tending to their land and animals and it reminded me how simple life can be.

But the countryside is not only its flora and fauna, but also all those sleepy little towns and villages where even the butcher's is shut down during summer, where the only people out on the streets are a group of camp children with melting ice cream and some mildly drunk bearded men talking philosophy. Towns and villages with the loveliest women working at a post office and delicious freshly caught fish available at a scruffily looking fishmonger's. 

I'll make a quick visit to Warsaw this week and I'll be interested in the contrast with this idyllic village life and a business of a city. I am not a fan on the Polish capital, not only because it's hard to find such blissful peacefulness over there. But everything is good in moderation. And hopefully I'll get a chance to get a taste of its apparently buzzing vegan culinary scene.

Detox.

I'm spending holidays in the heart of the Polish countryside. The internet connection here is less than satisfactory to say the least and this prompted me to a reflection on the use of the internet.

I've read a number of articles by people who either ditched the internet completely for a prolonged period of time, or got rid off the internet from their house and only ever used it at work or when out and about.

Many claimed that they have become more thoughtful, more focused and generally felt more mentally healthy than when staying online. Some claimed that it was a tedious and not so beneficial an experiment, given that they felt isolated from normal life, which these days happens as much off- as on-line.

Before going on holidays, I've actually logged off Facebook on my phone and my laptop, so no notifications are coming through to me at the moment and I don't feel the urge to constantly scroll down my home page in search for something interesting to look at or read.

But going off the internet grid completely is not something that I am particularly keen on. I've lived for ages without Facebook account, but this was not sustainable: whether I like it or not, people do use Facebook to communicate with each other and I do want to be a part of it.

After an extensive read of different experiences of reducing internet use in one way or another, I've come up with a system that will allow me to reap the benefits, but hopefully also limit the negative effects of constant online presence.

Lo and behold, here it comes.

I liked the idea of getting rid of the internet from my house, but this is not feasible. What is actually doable is using the internet intentionally. So going on the internet with a well defined purpose, rather than freely roaming around. For instance, when I turned my laptop on to write this blog post, I knew that this is the main reason why I'm online. I also knew that I had to buy a few specific bits on ebay and check a few pieces of information. I've even produced a hand-written list of things that I want to do when I get a chance to be online. So being online has become something that I need to make the time for, rather than the default mode.

It's so easy to just reach for your phone these days and start aimlessly go through page after page of stuff that does not really enrich your life in any way. Instead, I finally have a chance to read newspapers, think about stuff, appreciate the nature and make the most of the time with my family. I do rely on the internet in many respects, Google Maps are extremely convenient for instance when you need to find the way quickly or when you need to find the nearest cafe serving crepes, but other than that I'm trying to take over the reigns of my internet use.

Once I'm back at work, I plan to have clearly defined times of internet use. No more binge watching Netflix shows or looking at shoes I'll never buy anyway. Instead, a defined slot of time with defined tasks to accomplish.

You might think that this is unduly restrictive, but the fact of the matter is that humans are wired to have restrictions. Our brains love structure. And this will provide me with a structure to get things done efficiently. I also hope that this little experiment of mine will also free up some space in my brain to do some proper thinking and really excel at what I'm doing. 

In any case, I treat this more or less forceful internet detox as a blessing. No, I can't have proper Skype conversation with Mr Magic, and no, I cannot watch even most enriching YouTube videos without constant interruption, but I read a lot, go on walks with my dog and appreciate the surroundings, which is impossible with out face stuck to the screen.

Don't fret, though, I'll be back next week, hopefully with some pictures of the beautiful Polish countryside.

I leave you with this quote from Gretchen Rubin:

Turn off your email; turn off your phone; disconnect from the Internet; figure out a way to set limits so you can concentrate when you need to, and disengage when you need to. Technology is a good servant but a bad master.

Finally reading for pleasure only !!!

For various complicated reasons I had to shut down my blog a few months ago, but here I come again, with slightly changed address, different background picture and a different colour scheme. Truly exciting times.

I've been out and about recently, collecting beautiful memories, taking ridiculous number of pictures and acquiring random items to remind me of all those places. When I was not out and about, I indulged myself in binge-watching Big Bang Theory, random art projects and solving logic puzzles. I'm also proud to announce that I'm about to finish reading Anna Karenina. I had my first go at reading this book when I was at first year at uni and since then I've made four attempts at it. This time, using my generous teacher holidays, I persevered till the end, despite extremely dull parts dwellings on agricultural theory of 19th century Russia. I still have War and Peace waiting on the window-sill, but I think it will need to wait until next summer (or summer after next): I'm not sure I'll be able to take such a big book again any time soon.

On the note of reading, I have to say that being busy all year with planning lessons, reading about education, marking and doing all the adulting stuff, I've forgot how enjoyable reading fiction (and not only), but most importantly reading exclusively for pleasure was. 

I've been devouring book after book recently. I've read The Shepherd's Crown by my beloved Terry Pratchett, Norse Mythology by Neil Gaiman, then moved on to two randomly chosen books which turned out surprisingly enjoyable (The Knot by Mark Watson and The Truth by Michael Palin) and now with Anna Karenina almost finished, I'm moving away from fiction to Cal Newport's Deep work.

Now, that last book is a choice that was born through listening to some really interesting podcasts. The series is called You 2.0 and it really got me thinking about how I work and what I can do to make my work easier, more enjoyable and at the same time more efficient. You can listen to the podcasts here, I really do recommend them. I will probably write on the topic of reinventing yourself for a fuller life soon.

I'm glad I'm back on here now, I need a vent somewhere to release all those unruly thoughts that inevitably cloud my head, especially now that I have both time and headspace to do a lot of deep thinking. So brace yourself for a jolly good ride with me!

Till then!

Seven-hour ordeal.

I'm writing this having just woken up from almost a seven-hour migraine ordeal.

I've suffered from migraines from an early age, I think I must have been around 12 when I started getting migraines. Apparently I've had a doubtful pleasure of inheriting it from the female members of my family. And so for over ten years now, I have a recurring experience of what my mum describes as "a headaches that make your eyes stick to the back of your head". It doesn't sound particularly nice, does it?

People who don't get migraines cannot really understand how debilitating the pain is. It's not a normal headache that you can treat with plenty of water and paracetamol. I'm always annoyed at people advising me to 'take something for it'. I freaking DID, but migraines are such that they are super resistant towards painkillers.

I terms of migraine remedies I tried pretty much everything, from lying down on cold bathroom tiles, through ice packs, cold and hot showers, baths, drinking water, sleeping in a dark room, to all sort of preventive and ad hoc medications. I'm at the point that I slowly come to terms with the pain as simply a part of my life, but I still have days when I'm simply in tears, asking myself why I need to go through all of this.

Not only is the pain unbearable, but the migraine actually interferes with your whole life. You can't eat, walk, read, exercise, cook. What is left is just sleep, or trying to get to sleep. Hence you miss a lot of days of work and study, while you'd really rather get on with your life.

There is currently no cure for migraine, but I am hopeful. I've been on preventive medicine for a while now and it seems to be working in general, I definitely have less migraines than before. My migraine tracker (yes, it's a thing, and is really helpful) says that I went on for over a month without a migraine which is a good score for me. But I'm waiting for the future without migraines. When I won't need to worry if I wake up to a terrible pain or not.

In the meantime, I just need to be reasonable about everything I do and think about what I eat and when, how much sleep I get and whether I'm becoming too stressed or not. It's a lot to think about when you're go about your normal life. But that's the only way for now.

Walking.

~ DONATE ~ DONATE ~ DONATE ~

Every time I go for a walk I discover yet another thing to think about before my big walk, which is TOMORROW. I've sorted out my boots, socks, leggings and a raincoat.

I bought a backpack with a bladder, which is like a water pouch with a long flexible straw. I've been walking with a water bottle so far, and reaching into a backpack every single time I need a drink (and it is rather often, I'm a thirsty person) is just not convenient at all. I've opted for 18L backpack, seems like an optimum capacity for the day. It holds my 2L bladder, a raincoat and a stash of food for the day.

It might not be the fancier backpack out there, and the packing solution is not the most efficient, but it will do, and I've grabbed it in TKMaxx for £20, so cheap and cheerful ;) But I'll probably upgrade to something better in summer.

Food planning is a complicated aspect of the day's logistics. My favourite snack is peanut butter and cucumber sandwiches: the nut butters gives good energy and the cucumber is refreshing. Dried apricots are a must, plus a high protein bar. Don't forget a banana. The worse possible thing that could happen is that I RUN OUT OF FOOD. That would  be simply tragic. So most of my backpack's weight will be snacks to get me through those 26.5 miles.

We're supposed to have perfect weather tomorrow, so I'm packing sun cream as well. I burn so easily that the whole day in sun without protection would be simply silly. At least it's not supposed to rain, it would be so grim to walk in the rain.

Last but not least, I'm packing a battery pack in case my phone runs out of power before the end of the day.

Tomorrow the day starts after 5am, because I need to pick a few people up from around Newport before making our way to the start of the walk. I'm not sure how I'll survive 14 hours that will follow, but let's hope for the best. I think I'll be too excited to think about the tiredness. 

I'll be posting walk updates tomorrow, so watch out for those on my Facebook page!

Down the slope.

This is the view onto Lake Tahoe. Absolutely stunning. Both from above and when you're right at the edge of the water. A truly peaceful place.

It's somewhat ironic that we went skiing in the sunny state of California, but the skiing season was still on in Heavenly. We were lucky that it was Friday and the slopes were not busy, so there was plenty of time for skiing. I was a bit apprehensive, because even though I started skiing when I was about six, it was a good few years since I went down the slope.

I really loved the beach: it reminded me of the Island. I'm in this phase that I only like things that resemble the Island - it seems that I've assimilated into the Islander community now. But in any case Lake Tahoe was so beautiful, with crystal clear water, wonderfully yellow sand and calming little waves. It's a shame it wasn't warm enough for a swim. It would have been absolutely amazing.

And I've found a diner which has satisfied my cravings for hash browns and sour cream. The trip was truly complete with this glorious post-skiing meal.

Most pictures were taken by the most precious Mr Magic. :)

The Bay Area.

San Francisco Bay Area spans over the region of San Pablo Bay and San Francisco Bay. It encompasses the cities of San Francisco, Oakland, San Jose and smaller cities such as Palo Alto, Mountain View and Santa Clara. It is the home to Facebook, Google and Stanford University.

In my Californian explorations, I've made my way to all three and even managed to get to the Computer History Musem. It is truly wonderful, with hundreds of exhibits, but I was a bit overwhelmed by all of it.

Luckily, twice a day there is a guided tour. Alex, a volunteer and computer geek, was so helpful in explaining the main revolutionary points in the history of computing. Highly informative and finally I got it!

Not to mention the amazing store there...

Now, Mountain View is the home of Google, so my trip would not be complete if I didn't make it to the Android Statutes.

Hop over to Menlo Park and you arrive at Facebook headquarters.

Stanford University is also relatively close by and I recommend joining one of the walking tours led by Stanford students. Even though the tour was filled with prospective applicants and was heavy on the topics relating to admission, it was nonetheless really interesting. The campus is huge and full of lovely spots. I only wish I had more time to just explore and sit around reading.

On a just a fun note, there is California's Great America here which is essentially a fun park filled with different rides. An interesting way to spend my first alternative Easter.

That's it for now! Till next time when I tell you about Lake Tahoe and skiing near the border with Nevada.