Digital detox.

I've decided to set myself a challenge for the month of August and since I've been using my phone far too much in the past few weeks (though I had good reasons for it), so this seems like a good place to start. I want to do a little detox to focus on things that are actually important and enriching.

I don't think I have a massive problem with excessive use of technology, especially that most of the time I'm simply to busy to spend hours on social media, but summer holidays are tricky, especially that I'm not going away anywhere this year. I know very well that looking down at my phone for prolonged periods of time causes back pain and eye strain, not to mention the impact on emotional wellbeing. So I'm keen to make some changes to improve my life.

Here are the rules:

Laptop is a little tricky, because I need to actually use it to finish off my Master's assignment, but I will watch out for those moments of scrolling down Facebook Marketplace in search for furniture (joy of moving into an empty flat). For my laptop, I will set specific times for "mindless" browsing and looking for things. Skyping my family is another thing I'm going to use my laptop for. And working on the assignment. That' it. Well, I suppose blogging will be another exception, but I'm pretty efficient in writing these pieces once I get an idea what I want to write about.

As for the phone, I'll only use it for making calls and receiving calls and for my cycle tracker and spending tracker. That's it. I actually have an actual alarm clock, so I don't even need to use my phone for that. I'm going to put my phone in my bag so that I don't feel tempted to pick it up. I think it will be a challenge, because I often pick my phone up just out of habit rather than out of genuine need. I already changed the screen to greyscale, that actually helped a lot because grey screen is not as attractive as a screen with lovely bright colours. I'm also deleting the apps that I don't need, especially Facebook. The more inconvenient it is to access something (in this case, turn on my laptop, type in the web address and log into the website), the less likely I am to use it.

Starting tomorrow, 1st August, I'll use technology responsibly. No scrolling through pages and pages of posts which are not enriching my life in any way.

It will be a long month...

SO. MUCH. STUFF.

I need to get it out of my system, because for the past week or so I've felt totally overwhelmed by the amount of stuff I possess.

It is now taking me a second car load of boxes and bags to move my possessions. And there will be another one with suitcases filled with clothes and the furniture. This is simply ridiculous now.

I've pack all my bits and pieces up and while going through this stuff, I've uncovered quite a few gems. Yeah, let's call these gems rather than utterly useless items that are simply taking up my precious living space.

I have a full riding kit. Hard hat, jodhpurs, chaps, everything! I haven't ridden in 5 years (apart from one day doing some pony riding down the beach with Mr Magic)! I don't plan to ride. I don't have time, I definitely don't have the money to have a hobby like that.

I have two body boards and the only use I can find for them is swimming in the sea. I hate swimming in the sea: it's cold and dirty.

I have an electric guitar and an amplifier. It was bought for me by my dad as a present after I said I wanted to improve my guitar skills. I think I've taken the guitar out of the case to play less than 10 times since I've got it almost a decade ago. Yup. I also wonder why I still have it.

I have a painting of a Dutch windmill in the snow. It's objectively pretty, but it's totally not my style, I'm not so keen on paintings in the house at all in all honesty.

I have about 10kg of books, papers, articles and who knows what else. So. Much. Paper.

I also have an extensive collection of cocktail and evening dresses. When I do the Maths, I probably wear 0.7 evening dresses every twelve months. Do I need a floor length dress, a midi dress (actually, two in total) and two cocktail dresses?

So much stuff.

I'm slowly going through all this stuff, I've discovered the beauty of Freecycle and a lot of stuff is getting given away to people who hopefully will make a better us of these. But there is so much to go through. So much.

Sunday Special: Ora et labora.

There are two Benedictine abbeys on the Isle of Wight.

St Cecilia’s Abbey in Ryde is a place of tranquillity. It is a strict cloister, the contact with the outside world is really limited for the women who chose to spend their lives there.

Then there is Quarr Abbey in Fishbourne. It is not as quiet as St Cecilia. There is a tea shop, a pig pen, a gift shop, abbey tours on Tuesdays and various retreats.

These two abbeys are very different yet there is one thing that they have in common: the Rule of St Benedict as their foundation.

The Rule is a short document, you can easily read it over the course of a single evening, but it is so rich in its spirituality that one needs to come back to it again and again to truly appreciate this abundance of wisdom from St Benedict.

The Rule might at first seem to be rather irrelevant in our times. It was written for sixth century monks. And indeed, many parts of it are concerned with practicalities of living in a monastic community (and St Benedict was a truly practical man, he describes the bed linen that each monk should get, their clothing and footwear, the meals to be eaten and what to do if you are travelling and you are not able to get back in time for scheduled prayers). But in the midst of all these seemingly irrelevant instructions, there is something timeless that we can all apply to our lives.

The Rule of St Benedict is often abbreviated to ora et labora. Pray and work. St Benedict places prayer at the centre of the monastic life, especially prayer through Psalms (Liturgy of the Hours, anyone?). He also says that idleness is the enemy of the soul. He wants the monks to be always engaged in some activity that brings them into the unity with God. It might be in time of prayer, it might be through work for the monastery or the neighbour.

What does the Rule have to offer for us? Here are three ideas from St Benedict to enrich our busy lives.

If you get your hands on the Rule, read Chapter 19 and Chapter 20. They talk about the approach to prayer. Benedict gave a strict guidance as to the regularity of prayer, but just turning up when you are supposed to will not cut it. For Benedict, being intentional and truly present during the time of prayer was key for spiritual growth.

Benedict recommended the monks to be always busy, so work (manual labour in the Rule) was an essential part of his spirituality. It wasn’t an inconvenience interrupting the times of prayer. Work for Benedict was a part of Christian life. God worked for six days and then rested after creation: and since all that God does is holy, work must be holy too. My work doesn’t feel holy most of the time at all. But it’s all about offering your time and effort up to God and performing your duties as if you were serving the Lord directly.

Finally, hospitality. It is not merely entertaining guests at dinner parties. I was a stranger and you welcomed me. Hospitality is making sure people feel welcomed around you. They should feel at peace when interacting with you, should feel valued and important for only one reason: because they are a fellow human being and are made in the image of God. Hospitality can be exercised in all circumstances, at home, at work, when on holidays or just relaxing in a café. It’s paying attention to the needs of another and treating those we encounter with deep respect.

~~~

I'm looking forward to exploring more of the benedictine spirituality in the coming weeks and visiting more benedictine abbeys. They are places of such tranquility that even if I only visit for a couple of hours, I feel spiritually replenished. Next on my list is Worth Abbey.

Prepping for the Move: The kitchen.

I will be moving in a couple of weeks so I really need to try to declutter as much as I can as early as I can so that when it comes to the move itself, I can just pack up what I need rather than spend that little amount of time I will have thinking if I really need certain items. I have already shared my wardrobe declutter some time ago (I will definitely need round two of that) and now I'm sorting out my kitchen.

I will have more storage space in the new kitchen, but I really don't want to clutter it up with stuff I don't use. And so I've started a process of working out what I needed and what I could live without. Some things I had in my cupboards and decided to let them go. Some I've considered buying for a long time, but now I'm set on not getting any more stuff unless I can justify it properly. I have a plan for that kitchen so everything needs to fit into the designated cupboards. Here's my kitchen master plan:

And now for the kitchen declutter.

Appliances

Blender: I'm still considering buying a proper high powered blender, because I would like to make my own hummus and such stuff rather than keep buying ready made products from the store, but it's an investment of around £400, so I put that one on hold for now. I used to have a standing blender with three different types of attachments, but it was too bulky and took so much space while being rarely used that I've decided to sell it. I have an electric whisk for when I make cakes and a hand blender for making soup in winter. 

Waffle maker/panini press etc: I have to confess I used to be so into such stuff. Isn't that cute to make waffles on Sunday morning? But in reality, this is not what I do, so these sort of things needed to go, and fast.

Utensils

Knife set: Really, who needs 10 different knife types? I have four different knifes with different blade types and lengths, I might reduce the number to three actually, thinking about it now. That's sufficient for all my needs.

Single use tools: Egg separator/ poached egg maker, citrus press, egg slicer, apple corer, little nutmeg grater, pizza cutter. Generally anything that relates to egg preparation is largely redundant. You literally need two hands to separate the yolk from the white. All of the other items are also easily replaceable with more versatile kitchen utensils. My parents have (multiple) pizza cutters. I literally see no point in that: I cut pizza into slices using my regular kitchen knife, I find it much easier. As a rule of thumb, if you can do it with a knife, use a knife. And if you can use your hands, use your hands. 

Rolling pin is another one. Many a time I thought of buying one, you can get these cute thin wooden ones or those proper old school rolling pins with ceramic surface, but in all honesty, I've always used a wine bottle to roll out the pastry.

Multiples

I do need more than one set of cutlery, more than one plate and a mug, but do I really need five different wooden spatulas in addition to a turner and a skimmer? In short, no I don't. I rarely need two spatulas/spoons at a time. Also those wooden slotted spoons are impossible to clean properly.

I've also got rid of multiple chopping boards. I have a glass board, a plastic board and a smaller wooden board. The first one functions more as a surface protector than anything, the other one I use for chopping veggies etc, the last one is for bread. Simple. I suppose not eating meat helps, because I don't need yet another board for that purpose.

Random stuff

Coffee/tea mugs that are mismatched or you don't love + wine glasses and other glasses: I have gin glasses, and 5 wine glasses out of a set of 6 (no clue what happened to the 6th one). The thing is, I don't really drink at home, I don't really drink that much at all really, so I don't think there is much point in keeping so many of those. I have actually purchased a set of four glasses that can serve all the purposes of all the other glasses I had, so that I have less things in my kitchen.

I'm not even near tackling all the foods in my cupboards yet. It will be a massive task. I have a lot of food. I mean it. But that's for another time.

Sunday Special: Church shopping.

I'm moving and the first thing I check when I go to a new place is where the church is, how far and what time the Sunday Mass is.

So I found my parish church and went there on a couple of Sundays.

And it was truly awful.

The preaching was awful, the music was awful. Jesus was there, so that's the most important thing, but everything else was rubbish. It was mainly music that pushed me away from that church. I can compromise on a lot of things, but music is a deal breaker.

So this Sunday I went to another church.

It was marginally better. The singing wasn't great, but at least it was not so great singing acapella. Which is truly better than bad singing coupled with the organs. I don’t like the organs. I much rather they played the piano in churches. But that’s a digression.

Anyway, this entire moving and finding a new church affair made me think about church shopping. Should I be looking for a church that suits me? Or should I just stick with the one that is closer to where I live?

It has been a little of a moral dilemma for me, because the Church is not about me, but about God. I don't want to go around saying 'I don't like this, I don't like that, I'm going to go elsewhere.' My faith is what it is, no pick&choosing.

Now I only ever church shop within the Catholic Church, so I really get the same deal wherever I go and it makes me a little more comfortable about going round and trying different communities. There is the same order of Mass everywhere, there is the same rite of confession, the same adoration. But then each church is different in so many ways. Some are well organised with loads going on. Some keep it to bare minimum. Some have evening Masses during the week, some only in the morning. Some churches do loads of charity work, some just collect donations. Some have a wonderful music ministry, some are truly awful and can't tell the difference between an entrance hymn and a recessional hymn. In some churches the preaching is heavily scripture based and really scholarly, in some it is an incoherent lump of 'God loves you', 'Don't sin' and 'We need to take care of the poor and needy'. I know some people won't care, but I care deeply about all of these. I want a proper church. And short of starting my own (this ain't gonna happen), the next best option is to shop around and find a Catholic church that will at least broadly meet my rather complex spiritual needs.

I suppose this is a little like finding a religious order which will work for you. Ultimately, they are all the same. You wake up early, have a set time of prayer, you go to Mass, you work and study during the day. You try to fight your sins and become more holy. But the details vary from order to order, speak to any Dominican friar about why they are not Jesuits ;)

The church I went to this morning wasn’t perfect, but I don’t think I’ll ever find a church which meets all my expectations. But the preaching was not tragic and the priest really made me feel welcomed there. It does mean a 10 minute drive each Sunday morning, but maybe I could cycle? (ha ha ha)

I think in the Catholic Church we are often guilty of just accepting the things as they are in our churches and not challenging bad practices, inattentive priests and poor organisation. I would like to think that after some months in my parish, I would be in a position to say ‘Actually, we could do this or that better’. For now, I can live with that little church as it is. Church shopping concluded for the next couple of years, hopefully. 

Mid-year review.

The first six months of the year have passed, so I thought it would be useful to have a look at the goals I set back in early January.

I had three goals for 2018. Looking back, I probably should have phrased them differently, have more of them, but at the same time make them more specific. But I can fix this for the next half of the year.

Achievements

Let's first look at my achievements in the past six months. I think it is important to acknowledge thing we are proud of, especially that so often we are focused on out shortcoming and areas for improvement. 

I let go of a lot of material possessions, the process which massively simplified my life. I've realised that clutter stresses me out.

During Lent, I spent nothing (except covering ordinary household expenses), a habit that stayed with me in a shape of increased awareness of where my money is going.

I really developed as a teacher. I know what I'm doing and why I'm doing it. I love my job even though it is really challenging.

2018 Goals

1. Deepen my relationship with God through prayer and Scripture reading

2. Spend time with people I love - set time aside each week for meals/coffee etc.

3. Exercise twice a week and take evenings off. Eat properly.

Progress

1. I have almost found my rhythm of prayer. Scripture reading is till an area to work on, but I definitely do more of it than in the past. I manage to squeeze some quick prayer time during the work day as well.

2. I don't have weekly dates with friend, but I see them more often, speak to Babcia much more frequently and generally I feel that I show more affection to people who are important to me.

3. The third goal is definitely the one that suffered the most over the past six months. I do take evenings off and generally each healthily, but exercise is not happening. I started walking to work again, which is good, but I'm yet to find love for actually turning up at a class each week.

Looking forward

I feel that I need to revise my goals for the next six months and add some more focus to them.

1. On the top of my daily prayer routine, I want to go to Adoration twice a month to have some quiet reflection time.

2. Cultivate Sunday walks to up my exercise intake without much effort.

3. Refocus on people who matter to me and really make time each month to catch up with family and friends. Monthly catch up seems like a realistic frequency for me to manage.

4. I need to schedule time each week to catch up with Master's work. Really important. Becoming urgent.

5. Stop buying food on the go to curb unnecessary spending. Really important with flat redecorating getting underway at the end of the month and it will probably go on for a few months.

6. On that note, plan redecorating both from the point of view of finances and of logistics.

7. Get a puppy.

Keep your eyes peeled for a check-in in six months' time to see the progress of things.

Sunday Special: Spiritual growth.

I've been through a period of spiritual dryness recently. I haven't been praying with my heart. I've been distracted and caught up in the daily troubles that I simply did not get any opportunity to slow down and be with the Lord.

I have questioned whether I have actually grown spiritually in the last few months at all. Have I advanced on the path to holiness? It definitely doesn't feel like it. It feels that I am standing still, even going backwards. But surely this is just the result of my current spiritual state. Surely?

The thing about growing in anything, in particular in growing spiritually, is that the growth might be hardly perceptible. At times it might even feel like going backwards rather than going forwards.

I reflected on my growth as a teacher over the last couple of years. I had a few wow moments when I really thought 'I'm getting a hang of it at last'. But most of the time, my progress was slow, incremental and hardly visible. Like the ability to build relationships with my pupils. I've moved miles since I've started teaching, though from one day to another I could barely see any progress.

If everybody still had to grow their own food, I think we would find it much easier to accept that growth might not be perceptible, but it's definitely happening and we just need to be patient. Trust is the most important component of growth. We need to trust God that He is doing his glorious and invisible work. We need to trust ourselves, that our choices bring us closer to who we are meant to be.

Spiritual growth is imperceptible and my individual and personal growth will look completely different than yours. That's part of the challenge and of the beauty of it. You plant the seed by inviting God to enter your life and your spiritual growth will take its course which in all likelihood will be totally different from the growth in the life of somebody else. Because we are all different and God leads us on different paths. Today it might feel that everybody else has such a beautiful soul while you are still stuck with your ugly self. But for as long as you constantly turn to Christ, day after day, you will grow closer to Him and his light will light up all of our dark places, making you grow in the beauty of the child of God.