Under a pile of "things"

I tend to hoard things.

I even hoard shopping receipts and other such useless stuff. But having recently done an ultimate tidy-up of my room (first in ages), I have to say that there is something therapeutic in getting rid of all this clutter.

All of a sudden there is actual room in my wardrobe for all the dresses and skirts in my collection. Books and boxes fit nicely onto the shelves and don't take up the space at the top  of the wardrobe. After all there isn't that much that I need. At uni I'm probably one of the most compactly packed people- my life can be stored in two plastic boxes and a small suitcase with books. At home the situation is slightly different, because things have accumulated across those years. There are tens of postcards, letters, documents, unidentified cables, trousers that I no longer wear, tights, socks, hats, random pieces of papers and cuts from newspapers.

I couldn't believe how much stuff can fit into this room. Now I feel like I've got rid of some burden holding me down.*

I've recently read an an interview with a woman who has invited people to come to her flat and take whatever they liked. She got rid of all her things and set off for a long walk across Poland. I found it quite extraordinary, because I doubt that I could just get rid of all my belongings. I need a material place to go back to with all the memories attached to it. Could I live without it all? There are people who do. People have nothing and are happy, whereas so often those who have plenty turn out to really have very little.

So now I'm enjoying my clutter-free life in order to see things that I could't see from under my pile of "things." Less means more. At least in this context.

* And clothes were easy. I know some people have a problem with getting rid of their old clothes, but I have a very simple system: if I didn't wear something during the past year, I know it should not be in my wardrobe, however pretty it is. Simple. Just stick to it.

Kitchen express: Carrot muffins

Staying in the cake-theme, desperate to have something sweet but relatively healthy for a snack I've decided to go for muffins. Muffins are not only great because they taste so good. They hardly ever take more than 30 minutes to make (including baking time!), you can put whatever you want inside and hardly anything can go wrong. Also, you should have all the necessary ingredients at home. My recipe makes 12 medium sized muffins.

You are supposed to add 100 grams of each flour, sugar and butter, though I tend to add less butter, I think it's unnecessary to add so much fat, so I usually go for about 80 grams instead. Add 2 eggs. Then 2 peeled and grated carrots, 1 tsp baking powder and 1/4 tsp baking soda (unless you use self-rising flour, then add much less of  these). Sultanas & cranberries (as much as you like), some almond flakes (optionally, I just fancied using them up) and done!* Now into the muffin tin lined with muffin cup liners. The oven should be heated up to 175 C (fan) and you need to wait another 20-25 minutes until they are done. Keep them in the oven until cooked through and golden brown.

So simple. I have to say that I used to be rather suspicious when it came to adding carrots to cakes, but nothing to worry about. Carrot cakes do not taste like carrot, but carrots give it a nice texture and colour.

* if you think the batter is too runny just add a bit more flour.

Straight out from the oven.

And straight into my tummy.

Keep calm and eat cake.

I love Sundays. This is my day of rest and I mean it- no studying or any work of that kind at all. Most of the people think that it's impossible to take the entire day off, but for a year or so I do it and it's perfectly possible. Even necessary. I can no longer imagine working every single day of the week. In this way every day is the same! No variety at all. And it's definitely not healthy.

Sunday is a day when I can do whatever I want. I can go to a ballet class, I can stay in bed until brunch, I can read something for leisure, I can go arty and make something pretty or just bake. A day when I don't have to do anything. A day for myself.

Today was a baking day with a result in the form of a chocolate cake with coconut cream cheese frosting. I've started enjoying baking without any particular recipe in front of me.The frosting was my creation and it was a hit. Maybe this is yet another alternative career for me, having my own patisserie. I would love that. Baking is therapeutic. And it is one of the best ways of making people happy. Everyone loves cake. In any case, if in doubt, have some cake.

Sunday Special: what next?

People find some extraordinary sense of security when they know. Know about what will happen next. This is why we plan our lives: career paths, holidays, our children's education, expenditure. Planning keeps us in a comfort zone. And this extraordinary longing for knowing takes us to fortune tellers, horoscope pages of magazines and all sorts of ridiculous things that have no scientific grounding.

I was meditating recently on the first sorrowful mystery of the Rosary, Jesus' agony in the garden. I thought: He knew everything- He knew Judas had betrayed Him, He knew they would come and sentence Him to death, He knew how horrible the way up the Golgotha would be.

Jesus knew everything. Yet it was no comfort for Him. This is exactly why He took refuge in the garden- to talk to His Father and share the burden of the knowledge with the One who understood Him fully.

I sometimes want to know. I'm really organised, I hate surprises and would love to have every day planned. I ask: what next? where am I going? I don't know. And I'm not at all sure whether I want to know. As much as it is wonderful to be able to wake up and go through a day without any surprises, being prepared for every encounter, would it really be a comforting thing? To know?

Maybe it's better to take life one day at a time. Sure, we need to plan to some extent. I had to buy my tickets back home and plan my revision, but these are simple things. I'm really trying hard to look up to Heavens every time I start worrying about what next. Now is important. God holds my future in His hands already.

Moving online

Sometimes I get a sudden influx of inspiration about a new post in random situations (usually in a bathroom for some obscure reason). And here it came last night at 1 am.

I remember my parents, teachers and all sorts of wise people of this world telling me in the past never to meet up with anyone "met" online. And yet we live in a digital age when online seems more real than offline. And also, I don't like being told what not to do.

My confession for today is that I used to have an account on one of the social/chat websites and... somehow I survived, despite all the worries of the older generation, visions of rape and other rather grim things. There was quite a few awkward conversations (but I have enough of them in real life to be in any way surprised), I was offered a one night stand and asked about my sexual preferences (pretty standard, there's an awful lot of weird characters out there), but apart from that nothing bad happened. I had quite a few lovely conversations about life, music and so on (nothing about God though). Nothing bad happened even when I've actually met up with one of the guys I've been chatting with. He turned out to be lovely, even bought me a flower and had awfully loads of fun together (no  love story came out of it though, sorry for the disappointment).

I used to think that online dating, for instance, is a bit too much, that it;s for people who were somehow incapable of making friendships, but I've changed my mind.

Given the amount of time we spend in front of a screen there's  little chance that we'll be lucky enough to literally walk into our second half on the street (unless you're one of those people with extraordinary luck). I've heard many stories of married couples who met on a train or in some similar circumstances, but these are usually people in their 40s or 50s. It does not happen that often now. People don't talk to strangers, not usually anyway. So the internet seems like a natural place to meet and have conversations.And the extent to which you can customize what sort of people is amazing. 6"2 blond guy with green eyes, who likes sailing and is passionate about Plato? No problem at all, a few ticks in appropriate boxes and here they all are. A Catholic girl fixated  about Yorkshire terriers and indie music festivals? As you please.

Honestly, there is no way I would be able to find all the guys living nearby who potentially fit my preferences. There's too many to go through, too many questions that would have needed to be asked (and answered) and no time for that. An appropriate website does it all for me. And voila! Church bells ringing and a cart with a pair of white horses ready...

Hold on. This went out of control a bit now.

My point is that the internet has longed ceased to be a place for lonely, socially-awkward computer geeks- or maybe we all became lonely socially-awkward computer geeks? In any case, when I hear people talking about yet another dating site that has happened to be particularly popular at a time I think 'why not?' If we have online banking, online shopping, online volunteering and online whatever why not online dating or online coffeeing-with-friends? True, we lose something from a face-to-face interaction, but maybe this should be seen as a chance to explore new ways of living. The world has moved on. And the society moved on. It moved on into the online world. Like it or not, we will all follow to a greater or lesser extent.

Sunday Special: the other side of the cross

Just a short reflection for today.

When life gets though I have this particular image in mind. I'm hanging on the cross, but I'm not alone. Jesus is haning with me on the other side of this very same cross. I think it's absolutely beautiful: Jesus never leaves us, even when everything gets messed up, indeed, He is even more with us in such times.

Jesus tells us to take up our crosses and follow Him. This is not an empty demand - it's backed up by His promise to be with us always. Just like in my image: always on the other side of my cross.

#polishcongress

This is a belated post, but as misfortune comes in threes (or so they say), so my laptop has managed to break and my body has managed to catch some nasty bug and it's only now that I'm in a state fit for writing,  so there you go.

Last weekend was rather exciting with the Congress of Polish Student Societies in the UK happening in Oxford. I have to say that I've enjoyed it more than I though, despite a slightly snoozy atmosphere on Sunday morning (what would you expect on a morning after a party) and an accident involving my ankle.

There were quite a few highlights of the weekend. After two years, time truly flies,  we got reunited with a friend who went to a boarding school with me and had a chance to catch up a bit and exchange recent news. I finally met a Pole studying law at Oxford and also met a guy studying law in Dublin. It is always exciting for me to meet others studying a completely different legal system than a civil one. There was an extremely good panel discussion on the way Poland has made during the last 10 years (and I have actually taken notes! not like me at all) and some amusing comedy bits. Fantastic.

There was one thing I didn't like. Students kept saying that employees in Poland do not offer enough or that perspectives back home are not attractive. Our Foreign Affairs Minister said, quite rightly, that we don't need to go back. Personally I would love to go to Poland again one day. I'm not at all sure when,  but I do want to. What annoys me is that young people expect that somehow the world will do everything for them,  but this is not at all how it works. Life is what you make of it yourself. You need to be creative and passionate, have something to say and be determined to follow your dreams. I don't have certain future ahead, but I search and talk to people who came back and are very successful. Moaning does not get us anywhere.

And I sometimes don't think that this is about coming back at all. You can live wherever and remain connected to Poland. Create little motherland in your home. This is important.

"Spot-a-Catholic" day

Today is Ash Wednesday that marks the beginning of Lent. There is an imposition of ashes during Mass. In Poland a little bit of it is placed in people's head which is not a very invasive practice. In the UK, on the other hand, ashes are mixed with oil and a cross is marked with it on your forehead. Here, you can really play 'spot a Catholic' now. But I really like it, it gives a chance to make a profession of your faith in a very practical way.


But this is not what I want to talk about. As Lent approaches this terrible question comes up: what are you giving up for Lent? And to my surprise, this question is both asked and answered by people who are not religious at all! This is not what I expected at all. In Poland people who don't believe just don't bother at all. In England somehow everyone seems to be preoccupied with finding some Lenten resolutions for themselves.


Good as it is to practice your will power etc., I think it takes away the very important spiritual dimension of Lent. Because ultimately, it is not about not eating chocolate. Or not getting onto Facebook. Or starting your exercise plan. Or avoiding caffeine. Or even spending more time with your family. This is all good, surely. This all leads to a more balance and hence more fruitful life.


But the point of Lent is to reflect on our spiritual life in order to prepare for Easter and an 8-day-long celebration of the Resurrection (yes, it's not only Easter Sunday and Monday, Easters carries on until the Sunday after!). I'm quite uneasy about just giving up something. It all seems too straightforward, like ticking a box and then the job is done. I always rather have a positive spiritual resolution- pray more, read Bible, spend some time in contemplation. Assuming that Christianity is about personal relationship with Jesus, maybe it's worth doing something that will develop this relationship (or maybe even start it if it's not there yet). At the end of the day, I don't think Jesus particularly minds whether we eat all this chocolate or not. But I'm sure He minds whether we have true Life in us.

Lent if for LIFE, not just for chocolate.

Sunday Special: 'Where are you?'

We all know the story of Adam and Eve. They both lived happily in th Eden up until they ate a forbidden friut. First thing that happened to them was that they startd to feel ashamed of their nakedness.  They hid in the bushes so that God miht not have seen them naked.

God asked them 'Where are you?' Not because he did not know. He is the Almighty,  He knows and sees everything. But God wanted Adam and Eve to ask themselves this crucial question: 'Where are you?'

Quite literally they were in the bushes, but this represents their state of shame. They could not be truly themselves anymore, nakedness ceased be natural and became a burden.

For me this is a human experience of being separated from God because of something that holds us down, some burden that prevents us from being truly ourselves. It can be anything, our addictions, people, possessions. Anything.

Sometimes it seems that we need to lose something in order to regain our freedom. Nakedness does not need to be there our all life, but we don't necessarily need to clothe to solve this problem. Rather, this nakedness need to be sorted out within us. Wharever it might be.

For me it has always been keeping busy, doing far too much for others as compared to myself. Doing for others so much that I had little time for myself. Now I'm trying to live a more balanced life, remembering that I'm also a precious daughter of God.

So... Where are you? Are you hiding in the bushes?

Complaining about complaining people

Faced with a prospect of running an English class all by myself,  I've decided to go for a topic that I actually have an idea about,  namely complaining.

Funny how foreigners perceive English politeness. My French student was completely outraged by a necessity to constantly use 'sorry'and 'excuse me', even in the most annoying and inconvenient situations. Here is where all the cultural differences come out and directness of other languages does not help at all.

Anyway, the lesson was surprisingly successful. People love complaing and they went on and on about problems with online orders, messy husbands etc. Fantastic,  especially that it is sometimes very difficult to get them talking.

And here comes the irony of this post as I'll be complaing about complaining people. Or maybe I won't be even complaining,  just jotting down a few thoughts on the matter.

My experience of Oxford small talk doesn't really resemble a textbook-like nice conversation in a type of 'how are you? I'm very well, how are you?' No, nothing of that sprt. Instead,  as a reply you usually get something along the lines of 'oh, I'm so tired, I've pulled an allnighter' or 'I'm quite hangovered after last night'.

Honestly, sometimes when I go to the dining hall the last thing I want to do is to see someone from my year. Because I know I will need to listen to yet another moan about essay deadlines,  headaches, lack of sleep, weather, tutors or overcooked potatoes.

To put it straight,  I do have bad days every now and then. But when I'm having a casual conversation with a random person who is not really my close friend I don't want to listen to their imagine problems. I just want to have a nice conversatio , without any talk about personal life or anything of that sort.

I think that as good as having a moan is good sometimes, being unhappy and dissatisfied abput anything and everything makes you even more unhappy and prevents you from enjoying each day. I rather be surrounded by optimistic people than by a bunch of grumpy folk with nothing better to talk about than how terrible life is.  Thank you very much.