LDR.

My advice on long distance relationships, having lived through one for over a year?

Don't do it.

It will hurt like hell. I've been through some pretty dramatic breakups, when my heart was broken so badly that it physically hurt. And then I was in a long distance relationship with the most wonderful man for a year and there were many moments when it hurt more than in those darkest breakup times.

On the other hand,

long distance relationships are so easy in many ways.

Because being in close proximity means that all the little things creep out of you. You need to be truly patient, considerate, ready to compromise. When you only see your other half every so often, you are so excited, head over heels,  that you don't notice the not so pretty bits of yourself and the other person. If you meet a few times a year, you live in a state of lovely ecstatic longing. It's good, it's beautiful and is so much needed when you're away from each other, but real everyday life is so much more difficult even than the greatest distance.

Any sort of relationship is a difficult one, because it is a collision of two distinct beings with their own dreams, habits and peculiarities. But being regularly or constantly together is a challenge, because there is no escape from everything that divides you. Maybe this is why so many marriages fail, because people are not ready for the hard work of making it work.

Being with other people is difficult enough, being with a person who is inches away in terms of physical and emotional distance is hundredfold harder. And of course it is 100% worth every effort to see this most beautiful face first thing in the morning, to reflect this most beautiful smile, to ever wonder where this unfailing love comes from. But it's not all butterflies.

And really, why should it? Everything that is actually worthwhile is costly. It will cost you time, effort, emotions. But just consider what life would be like without all these things you consider important. It would be all crying and grinding of teeth.

Content with what you have.

In the New Year, there will be no new me. 

It doesn't mean that there won't be any minor adjustments to become a better me. But the last thing I need in the New Year is more change.

I've realised that what I truly need is constancy. In 2017 I've experience an overabundance of change, travels, looking for new opportunities and re-ordering my life. Now, at the end of December, I've reached a point where I can actually say "This is where I want to be heading. This is what I need in life."

So in the coming New Year I wish you this:

That we all find our inner peace. Without the strife to change everything, to find something better/larger/more expensive. May we learn to be content with what we've got. Stop chasing some undefined thing that will supposedly lead us to happiness. Instead, may we find courage and time to spend time with people we love, do things we love and share with others what truly matters to us.

The mess of this Holy Night.

I'm not a fan of Christmas cards, even those strictly religious ones. The reason is that they all look so neat and perfect. Mary with her hair so tidy under the veil. Jesus sweetly sleeping wrapped in a blanket. St Joseph keeping watch over those two most precious people in his life. All farm animals calmly standing around as in awe. Depending on the nature of the scene you might have a shepherds bowing down, dressed simply, but always cleanly. Or the three wise men with their precious gifts looking all glorious. The stars are shining over the scene. The darkness of the night has been illuminated by the coming of Emmanuel, God with us.

The Nativity by Correggio

Sounds like a fairy tale, doesn't it?

Now contrast it with the mess it must have actually been that night.

Wind blowing through this makeshift shelter. Mary with hair stuck to her wet with perspiration forehead. She probably didn't look particularly glorious after all the efforts of labour. Jesus probably wasn't washed (could they find any water in the middle of the night?), the smell of the animals must not have been pleasant. My favourite screen adaptation of the Christmas story is The Nativity series from 2010. I think it is beautiful how honest and human this particular adaptation is: with Joseph being utterly confused by the events over the nine months until the Holy Night of Christmas, Mary scared by the prospect of giving birth on a dirty floor and those faithful shepherds adoring their King. 

The Nativity by Gari Melchers, 1891

The reason why I want to think about the Christmas Night as an utterly messy affair is because in all this mess, improvised solutions and less than ideal circumstances, God was there! Christ has come into this mess. And as He has come into the mess in Bethlehem over two thousands years ago, so He comes into the mess of our lives today. He doesn't mind that we are not quite ready, that we haven't quite tidied up all those bits that should have got tidies up years ago, that we are in less than presentable outfit, that our house in not warmed up enough and that we haven't got anything to welcome Him with.

Jesus comes into my life every day, even though I am an terrible sinner and I stumble every day. But He wants to be with me in my mess. He wants to sanctify my mess. He wants to make me Holy, so that I can start dealing with my mess one thing at a time. I might never finish this task. But by the grace of God I might be able to sweep some dust from the floor of the stable and maybe even wipe Mary's forehead.

Christmas is such a grace, such a blessed time. God becomes one of us, so that we can become the sons and daughters of God. With our messy lives, unfinished businesses, relationships tangled with lack of love. He has come! He is God with Us, Emmanuel. Let Him into your chaos and let Him do wonders.

Sunday Special: Reclaiming the seventh day.

In the Jewish tradition, Shabbat is roughly 25 hours of rest from a few minutes before the sunset on a Friday night to sunset on Saturday. In Catholic world, the day of rest get shifted to Sunday, the day of the Resurrection, but the premise is the same. Both traditions take their origins from Genesis and they echo the story of Creation:

And on the seventh day God finished his work which he had done. So God blessed the seventh day and hallowed it, because on it God rested from all his work he had done in creation. (Genesis 2:2-3)

Think about, if God, who is Almighty and All-powerful needed a day of rest, how much more we, mortal creatures, need a day to rest and replenishment. This is why is when God has given Moses the Ten Commandments, the necessity of imitate God in His pattern of work and rest:

Remember the Sabbath day, to keep it holy. Six days you shall labor, and do all your work; but the seventh day is a Sabbath to the Lord your God; in it you shall not do any work, you, or your son, or your daughter, your manservant, or your maidservant, or your cattle, or the sojourner who is within your gates; for in six days the Lord made heaven and earth, the sea, and all that is in them, and rested the seventh day; therefore the Lord blessed the Sabbath day and hallowed it. (Exodus 20: 8-11)

The Jewish celebrations of Sabbath follow certain rules as to what sort of activity is permissible, with 39 major categories and many more subcategories of labour which is prohibited on Shabbat. For Christians, the celebration of Sunday replaces that of Sabbath. As described by St Ignatius of Antioch:

Those who lived according to the old order of things have come to a new hope, no longer keeping the sabbath, but the Lord's Day, in which our life is blessed by him and by his death.

Although as a Christian I am not bound by the strict rules of the Old Covenant, I think it is beneficial to reach to the Jewish heritage. This is especially so given that the Catechism of the Catholic Church is really thin when it comes to giving directions as to Sunday celebrations:

2185 On Sundays and other holy days of obligation, the faithful are to refrain from engaging in work or activities that hinder the worship owed to God, the joy proper to the Lord's Day, the performance of the works of mercy, and the appropriate relaxation of mind and body. (...) 

2187 Sanctifying Sundays and holy days requires a common effort. Every Christian should avoid making unnecessary demands on others that would hinder them from observing the Lord's Day. Traditional activities (sport, restaurants, etc.), and social necessities (public services, etc.), require some people to work on Sundays, but everyone should still take care to set aside sufficient time for leisure. With temperance and charity the faithful will see to it that they avoid the excesses and violence sometimes associated with popular leisure activities. In spite of economic constraints, public authorities should ensure citizens a time intended for rest and divine worship. Employers have a similar obligation toward their employees.

This is not particularly helpful. I know Jesus wasn't very fond of rigid rules and He criticised pharisees many times for making the Law unduly burdensome for the people, but I would like some more direction on celebrating Sunday beyond going to Church and not working. I try to do spiritual reading each Sunday and go for a walk, but how else could I be giving glory to the Creator? It was only in readings coming from the Jewish tradition that I've found some really useful pointers. Such a rich spirituality there

How else express glory in the presence of eternity, if not by the silence of abstaining from noisy acts?

Noisy acts... So many of them in my life. Checking media feeds, messages, keeping busy with this and that. I've come to believe that noise and busy means productive and fulfilled, but there is no direct relationship between these. In fact, I increasingly find myself much happier and more efficient when at work when I unplug at a certain time. So my Sundays become sacred now. The time when work doesn't need to be done. It can wait until Monday morning. If it couldn't wait, I would have done it already.

So no hoovering, checking email, washing up, cleaning the bathroom, dealing with dirty laundry. This pile of homework probably doesn't need to be marked on that Sunday afternoon either. Instead, let's finally play the piano, read something spiritual, listen to a good homily, visit a friend (or host a tea party). For me the seventh day is about growing in love of God and neighbour. Admittedly, every day should be about it, but Sunday should be dedicated specifically to this end. This is when I do not need to worry about making ends meet, sorting little things out, making appointments, applying for jobs and taking care of the house. "Therefore I tell you, do not be anxious about your life, what you shall eat or what you shall drink, nor about your body, what you shall put on. Is not life more than food, and the body more than clothing?" (Matthew 6:25) Six days in a week I spend taking care of the temporal life. One day in the week for life eternal seems not sufficient anyway when we compare this short earthly life with eternity. Quite pathetic actually when you think about it.

But I am working hard on reclaiming at least this seventh day as my day of rest and being with the Lord. As a day when my mind, body and spirit does not need to rush, but can just go on at least a metaphorical stroll. When I can be still in the presence of the Almighty.