The pressure to be sociable.

I am probably one of the least sociable people around. 

I dislike small talk. I will always pick reading a book over going for a meal out. I hate being in a large group of people, be it at a party, at a concert or anywhere else. I find loud places utterly unpleasant. I cannot follow the lives of a more than about three to five people at a time. Meeting new people is extremely stressful to me. And I've been both blessed and cursed wit hypersensitivity to social ques, which makes interactions with other people really tiring.  

Over the last couple of years I have learnt not to apologise for or explain my unwillingness to engage in social activities. If I don't like it, I won't go, simple as that. It might come across as rude at times, because I will blatantly say that I am not interested in joining this or that event, but this is only because I highly value my mental health and personal comfort. There is no need to drag yourself through something because a) everybody does it; b) it is somehow expected from you or c) because your absence will upset or angry somebody. I've learnt that unless I am actually happy enough with the idea of spending considerable amount of time with other people, it's best not to bother. Many people don't seem to get it; they say 'You're young, you should be going out, having fun, meeting new friends'. And I'd much rather cuddle up in my bed with a mug of hot tea and a good book. Or play the piano. Or colour in one of my icons. Or go for a walk by the sea. Anything but 'going out' and 'having fun'.

Having said all this, I actually really like people, honest! My work involves being with people virtually all the time and I don't mind that, I actually really enjoy this aspect of being a teacher, but there is a clearly defined purpose of our interactions. When I go for lunch with my best friend, we do this to catch up and bond. I like social interactions to have a purpose. Just hanging out with people at parties for the sake of it simply doesn't cut it. It's loud, you cannot talk, most people are intoxicated anyway. Unpleasant to say the least.

The truth is, I only really enjoy one to one catch ups, occasionally a group of maybe up to 5. This is then not overwhelming emotionally. I can give my full undivided attention to whomever I am talking to. It is quality time when relationships can be strengthened, when I can find something new out about the other person. I am only interested in meaningful interactions. Life is too short to have loads of fleeting social exchanges.

LDR.

My advice on long distance relationships, having lived through one for over a year?

Don't do it.

It will hurt like hell. I've been through some pretty dramatic breakups, when my heart was broken so badly that it physically hurt. And then I was in a long distance relationship with the most wonderful man for a year and there were many moments when it hurt more than in those darkest breakup times.

On the other hand,

long distance relationships are so easy in many ways.

Because being in close proximity means that all the little things creep out of you. You need to be truly patient, considerate, ready to compromise. When you only see your other half every so often, you are so excited, head over heels,  that you don't notice the not so pretty bits of yourself and the other person. If you meet a few times a year, you live in a state of lovely ecstatic longing. It's good, it's beautiful and is so much needed when you're away from each other, but real everyday life is so much more difficult even than the greatest distance.

Any sort of relationship is a difficult one, because it is a collision of two distinct beings with their own dreams, habits and peculiarities. But being regularly or constantly together is a challenge, because there is no escape from everything that divides you. Maybe this is why so many marriages fail, because people are not ready for the hard work of making it work.

Being with other people is difficult enough, being with a person who is inches away in terms of physical and emotional distance is hundredfold harder. And of course it is 100% worth every effort to see this most beautiful face first thing in the morning, to reflect this most beautiful smile, to ever wonder where this unfailing love comes from. But it's not all butterflies.

And really, why should it? Everything that is actually worthwhile is costly. It will cost you time, effort, emotions. But just consider what life would be like without all these things you consider important. It would be all crying and grinding of teeth.

Content with what you have.

In the New Year, there will be no new me. 

It doesn't mean that there won't be any minor adjustments to become a better me. But the last thing I need in the New Year is more change.

I've realised that what I truly need is constancy. In 2017 I've experience an overabundance of change, travels, looking for new opportunities and re-ordering my life. Now, at the end of December, I've reached a point where I can actually say "This is where I want to be heading. This is what I need in life."

So in the coming New Year I wish you this:

That we all find our inner peace. Without the strife to change everything, to find something better/larger/more expensive. May we learn to be content with what we've got. Stop chasing some undefined thing that will supposedly lead us to happiness. Instead, may we find courage and time to spend time with people we love, do things we love and share with others what truly matters to us.

The mess of this Holy Night.

I'm not a fan of Christmas cards, even those strictly religious ones. The reason is that they all look so neat and perfect. Mary with her hair so tidy under the veil. Jesus sweetly sleeping wrapped in a blanket. St Joseph keeping watch over those two most precious people in his life. All farm animals calmly standing around as in awe. Depending on the nature of the scene you might have a shepherds bowing down, dressed simply, but always cleanly. Or the three wise men with their precious gifts looking all glorious. The stars are shining over the scene. The darkness of the night has been illuminated by the coming of Emmanuel, God with us.

The Nativity by Correggio

Sounds like a fairy tale, doesn't it?

Now contrast it with the mess it must have actually been that night.

Wind blowing through this makeshift shelter. Mary with hair stuck to her wet with perspiration forehead. She probably didn't look particularly glorious after all the efforts of labour. Jesus probably wasn't washed (could they find any water in the middle of the night?), the smell of the animals must not have been pleasant. My favourite screen adaptation of the Christmas story is The Nativity series from 2010. I think it is beautiful how honest and human this particular adaptation is: with Joseph being utterly confused by the events over the nine months until the Holy Night of Christmas, Mary scared by the prospect of giving birth on a dirty floor and those faithful shepherds adoring their King. 

The Nativity by Gari Melchers, 1891

The reason why I want to think about the Christmas Night as an utterly messy affair is because in all this mess, improvised solutions and less than ideal circumstances, God was there! Christ has come into this mess. And as He has come into the mess in Bethlehem over two thousands years ago, so He comes into the mess of our lives today. He doesn't mind that we are not quite ready, that we haven't quite tidied up all those bits that should have got tidies up years ago, that we are in less than presentable outfit, that our house in not warmed up enough and that we haven't got anything to welcome Him with.

Jesus comes into my life every day, even though I am an terrible sinner and I stumble every day. But He wants to be with me in my mess. He wants to sanctify my mess. He wants to make me Holy, so that I can start dealing with my mess one thing at a time. I might never finish this task. But by the grace of God I might be able to sweep some dust from the floor of the stable and maybe even wipe Mary's forehead.

Christmas is such a grace, such a blessed time. God becomes one of us, so that we can become the sons and daughters of God. With our messy lives, unfinished businesses, relationships tangled with lack of love. He has come! He is God with Us, Emmanuel. Let Him into your chaos and let Him do wonders.