Coming back to Jesus after a long break is not easy. Maybe it wasn't 20 years of a break, but long enough to make it difficult. But despite being far from the Church, there is this longing inside of me which somehow draws me to God, even when things go terribly wrong. It's quite extraordinary really.
I have two favourite images from the Bible. The first one is when Jesus comes into the temple and throws all the merchants' tables over in terrible anger. There is something very empowering in this, because God Himself shows His human side. And it's ok to be human. To have all these weaknesses, even to get angry and throw tables over sometimes.
The second one is when Jesus heals blind Bartimaeus. Before he does anything, though, he asks 'What do you want me to do for you?' This question has been with me since my first year at uni and regularly comes back to me in prayer. I think many people have these moments when they are completely hopeless, when everything falls apart and the future doesn't look bright at all. In such moments I tend to instinctively turn to prayer and cry out 'God, do something! I can't deal with it myself any more!' But then this crucial question comes in: 'What do you want me to do for you?' What is it that will make you truly happy?
I've asking myself this question quite a lot recently. The answer has not appeared quite yet, but I think I'm heading in the right direction.
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