The curse of 'I'm fine."

I hear the question "how are you?" quite often, maybe less here in the Netherlands, but in the UK it's definitely sort of a daily plague. It's a question to which in most circumstances the only appropriate answer is to repeat the very same question, something which took me a while to understand. But if you do decide to actually answer this question, the only socially appropriate answer is 'I'm fine.'

Whatever is happening in your life: your house burnt down, your company went bankrupt, you are terminally ill with only a week or so of your life left, your wife decided to divorce you - you're fine.

If you won the lottery and quit work to begin everlasting holidays, your long-awaited son has been born yesterday, you're got promoted at work to the top position - you're fine.

And this is fine. We probably need such social conventions especially with a number of people who might think it appropriate to tell her life story to a hairdresser and give details of his eczema to a taxi driver. Social conventions are a necessary filter which makes our lives here a bit more bearable.

The problem begins when after a long and horrible day you look into a mirror in the evening and having asked yourself this essential question "how are you?", you just say "I'm fine."

Indeed, you might have a relatively undisturbed life. The family still holds together, your boyfriend doesn't cheat on you, you somehow make the ends meet each months and you do not suffer any terrible disease. So you're fine, right?

I watched the above video some time ago, and the bit that I have in mind in particular now is 4:30-8:50. 

This, I think, describes the universal human experience. "I'm fine" is like a human curse. I know, because I've been there: and it's not fun at all. For years I've been fine until I realised, with help from some wonderful people, that I can be absolutely fantastic. I don't need a mediocre life: I only have one, so why not make the most of it? I don't need a mediocre love: I want to drown in him and feel it so much that it hurts. I don't need a mediocre career: I will spend most of my time at work, so at least I want to enjoy it and make it worthwhile. I don't want to settle for 'oh well, it's good enough'. Just good enough is not good enough for me. I want to be more than fine.