In-betweener

You sit in a cafe, or on a train or anywhere else. Someone sits next to you and you start chatting. After some time you say you're from Poland. After a pause, your conversation partner says: "Oh really? I wouldn't have thought!"

I've had the above experience quite a few times. I'm not an 'exhibitionist' Pole. I'm not particularly active in the Polish Society and you can hardly ever hear me speaking Polish. Pleasant as it is for my ego to be mistaken for a Brit, it makes me wonder whether I'm not losing something... Should I be at all concerned that I don't have Polska written on my forehead?

I'm a patriot. I love Poland. At the same time, I would like to have a British passport, as the best part of my adult life (almost all of it, quite frankly) has been spent in the UK. My Polish ties become loser and loser. There are many Polish things that I don't understand or find very hard to accept. Like not queuing for a bus. Or complaining about everything. Or poor pays. Or public healthcare arrangements. When I talk about British things I say "in our place" rather than "there in the UK". And I drink tea with milk.

On the other hand, I'm through, through and through Polish. I expect a guy to pay for me on the first date and bring me flowers. I hate toast bread and miss proper cottage cheese. I feel touched hearing "Mazurek Dąbrowskiego", our national anthem. I love the sound of Polish, especially Polish from the eastern parts of the country, with this wonderful accent.

As the time goes I understand more and more about the English mentality. But I'm not sure whether I would ever become so immersed in this culture that I could say that I feel British. It makes a whole lot of a difference. I don't know where I actually belong. Neither here nor there. Or maybe here and there?