Don’t sweat the small stuff.

I consider myself a rather calm and composed person, but there are times when the smallest of things drives me into a rage. If you've ever seen me truly angry (and not many people have), you know that it is not pretty. And, more importantly, it is not healthy. Daily stressful events can cause havoc in our fragile bodies. Research suggests that it is not about the frequency with which we experience daily hassles, but with out perception of their severity.

With this in mind, I conducted a reframing exercise. I considered those small, irritating everyday events that drive me crazy, and I changed tried to change them into something positive. The idea was to have a bank of positive thoughts readily available to draw on in stressful situations.

What are the things that irritate me on a daily basis? Let's take driving. I hate having nowhere to park. I'm not sure why it gets to me so much, I live in a pretty busy area and should really expect the parking spaces to be few and far between. In truth, it's usually not that there is nowhere to park, rather that the available spaces are not convenient enough. So this is really just a wonderful opportunity to up my step count and get some extra low impact exercise into my day. A small change in outlook and now every time I get frustrated with parking, I can think about all the benefits I will reap from walking more.

Walking more with my borrowed doggy.

Waiting is also an everyday hassle which all of us need to endure. It often feels like a big chunk of my life is waiting. Waiting for a bus, waiting in a queue, waiting for my coffee, waiting for customer service, waiting for an important phone call... So much time spent waiting! Interestingly, I am extremely patient with my pupils, but I am so terrible at waiting for things. No patience there (probably because it runs out during my teaching hours). The thing is, though, that waiting is unavoidable and largely outside my control. So, if I cannot do anything about it, I'm not going to stress out about those plentiful waiting moments. Even better, I could actually make good use of them. I often pray while queuing at a supermarket, because I always moan that there is not enough time in the day to pray and do all the work I need to do. Those few minutes spent by the till are perfect for a quick prayer and refocusing my day. I also try to carry a book with me, especially if I go somewhere where I know I am likely to need to wait (medical centre, for instance: you always have to wait. There wasn't a single time when I was actually seen on time). This allows me to read at least a couple of pages, keeping my brain busy.

And children! How annoying they are in public spaces. Especially in confined spaces, such as cafes, restaurants or shops. Don't get me wrong, some children are little angels and they don't bother me at all. But others are a nightmare to be around, shrieking, kicking, running around yelling. I will almost run to a different shopping aisle to avoid any sensory contact with a loud child. This is probably one of the trickiest daily hassles to reframe. How do I start thinking differently about this awful encounter with a loud little person (most likely also travelling at alarmingly high speeds. Possibly also pushing a full sized shopping trolley)? I can't really turn it to my advantage in a similar way to the previous two cases. But I can think about it more positively. I know that parents do an incredibly difficult job raising their children. They have the right to go out for a coffee when they want, though they might not have anybody to leave their child with at home. Or maybe they just want to take their children with them, because they work all day during the week and actually that shopping trip on a Saturday is one of a few precious moments they have to spend together. I guess I just need to learn to endure loud children in public spaces. It's just one of those unavoidable inconveniences of life. Just breathe in and out 10 times and run to that next aisle to hide between toilet rolls and coke bottles until the little monster is out of sight and earshot. 

It is not worth risking my health over minor annoyances, right? So let's reframe those daily hassles into opportunities to do (or think) something positive in those moments of annoyance. 

Sunday Special: Nourish your faith.

I come into a dark and cool interior of the church. There is only a few people scattered around the pews. There is still a good fifteen minutes before the Mass begins.

I came in a little early in hope of receiving some divine inspiration. I haven't felt particularly close to God recently. I pray, yes, I do every day, but my mind is not focused. And this morning again, I kneel down and my mind wanders from one thought to the next. Laundry, shopping, emails, taxes, uncomfortable shoes, itchy elbow... 

I look at the Tabernacle. 

I do want Jesus to be a part of my life. I want to be like one of those people whose eyes light up when they talk about their faith.

And yet as I kneel down before the altar, the emptiness persists. Or rather, my mind is so filled with thoughts about my life, that there is little space for God.

It suddenly clicks. Faith needs nourishing. Like a plant which needs sunlight, water, fertiliser, my faith needs to be nourished regularly so that it may flourish.

It's the same with love. Love needs nourishment. It needs closeness, both physical and emotional, understanding, sometimes sacrifice. And faith is love, love of the One who created and saved us.

With this realisation comes a feeling of being totally loved even when I fall short of the call to love God. I know that MM loves me even when I am impatient, moody, snappy or harsh. How much more does God love me even when I don't make time for prayer, don't appreciate His work in my life, fail to see Him in the people around me...

I leave the church feeling the power of God's love buzzing in my heart. This evening I read a chapter of the Bible and kneeling down beside my bed I pour out my life in front of the Father.

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It has been about a months now since I make double effort to nourish my faith each day. It's hard work, because there is always something to do, or tiredness makes it difficult to focus, or I am simply too lazy to sit down and pray. But I am trying. Every day is a new chance to become closer to God, to give Him the reign over my whole life. “Behold, I am making all things new.” This is truly my experience: the more I take time to grow my faith through prayer, reading and good works, the more refreshed my spirit is. I just need to keep the momentum going.

Life update.

The last time I posted on this blog was almost two months ago. I'm not sure even where to being, there has been so many changes in my life and so much happened.

I went home for Easter which wasn't entirely planned, but I loved every minute of it. It was relaxing, it was refreshing, it was energising. Since my stay only lasted one week, I didn't get sucked into the whirlwind of domestic drama, but could truly enjoy doing things that I love: baking, reading, playing with a dog.

On that note, I have almost got a dog last month. I was so, so close to getting a furry friend, but the brain won over the heart. It wouldn't be fair on the dog to leave it home for long periods of time while I'm working and it would hugely restrict our ability to travel. HOWEVER, I did find a way around it! I finally got my head round signing up to Borrow My Doggy and bought a membership for £12.99 and these were the best spent money ever as I found a beautiful dachshund in the area which I will be looking after on Fridays. It will be glorious.

Now, the reason why I can be a pet sitter on Fridays is that I have quit my job. I warned you that a lot has happened in the past two months. I was really unhappy at work for a long time and it has taken both a physical and a psychological toll on me, so the only sensible decision was to leave. I have to say it was a massive leap of faith on my part: I was leaving a secure, albeit extremely stressful, job and with it a secure stream of income. And even though money doesn't equal happiness, the mortgage needs to be paid and so do bills etc., so I was more than a little worried about the future.

But this feeling didn't last long. In the Gospel according to St Matthew, Jesus says "Do not worry about tomorrow." I was convinced that I have made the right choice and that everything will work out fince. And so far I was blessed with such an abundance of opportunities! I have several tutoring assignments through a teaching agency and I am beginning to build a client base for my own business. It is a little scary to be effectively self-employed and having such a huge responsibility for everything from finding clients, preparing materials, setting up finances and keeping an organised diary. At the same time, I have so much freedom and such a great balance between work and study, and life. I do have to work evenings and I don't earn quite as much as before, but it's totally worth it. I can decide to do some exercising in the middle of the day. I can cook a healthy lunch at home rather than eating cold past at my desk. I have time to write and read. And, as MM can confirm, I am visibly healthier.

There has been so much going on in the past couple of weeks. I hope to be able to slow down a little in the next few weeks, take more time to build up my weekly leisure schedule (look out for that post in the near future!). And to write more blog post, of course :)