Easter madness.

I wake up early in the morning to start zesting 5 medium-sized oranges. Zest plus oranges after peeling end up in a pot with ridiculous amount of sugar and a three hour long process of making orange jam. Stirring oranges with one hand, I extend my right arm to put the oven on to heat it up ready for shortcrust pastry. In the meantime I cook chickpeas for hummus, drain them, try mashing them with a potato masher (this is how they must have done it for years before food processors were invented), but it doesn't work. Still stirring the oranges. I take out a food processor and put chickpeas in. Too dry, food processor is not able to manage with these. I go over to get some olive oil and tahini, stirring oranges on my way there. Finally I decide to add some cold water to my chickpea mix, the consistency begins to look more like hummus and less like shoe paste. I stir the oranges a bit more (going into the second hour of stirring).

As a little miss multitasking, I start chopping peppers for lunch. They end up in the oven instead of pastry, which still isn't made. Dad starts boiling eggs for Easter breakfast and pours colourings into four glasses. There isn't enough room in the kitchen for two people trying to prepare five different things in parallel, but there is no time to spare. I wash spinach and start wilting it down. Dad makes a horrible mess with his colourings. I decide to simply ignore it to spare my nerves. Still stirring the oranges. I quickly whip together shortcrust pastry, it ends up in the fridge to rest a little. Back to my spinach tart now, ready made puff pastry ends up in the tart form and then spinach and peppers which I managed not to burn in the oven. I pour milk and egg mixture over the vegetables. Half of it end up around the tin. The tin has a spring bottom and somehow the pastry didn't stop it from leaking. Nevermind, I shuffle the tart into the oven, praying that some o the filling will set fast enough to remain in the tin. 

Back to stirring the oranges. After three hours the mixture is thick enough to turn the hob off. Thank goodness, since I'm covered with sweet sticky orange blobs. 

Tart goes out of the oven, I quickly whiz in my two pieces of tart, there's no time to spare. Shortcrust pastry is done and cooled, so I can begin decorating. I have sliced almonds and dried figs from which some random patterns begin to emerge. It will do, the cake will disappear before anyone notices the decorations anyway. Two more cakes to make. Yeast almost grows out of the giant bowl it is in, so quickly I whisk egg yolks with sugar, mix them with yeast and flour. I put the dough aside to rest, at which point I realise I forgot about raisins. I mix those in. At least there are no oranges to stir anymore.

10 hours later, it's all done. Nothing burned (too much). Finally I sit with a cuppa, watch telly and wait until I need to leave for Easter Vigil. Gosh, I need some domestic help in the future, or simply start going on holidays for Easter. Enough of Easter madness.

Feeling I've never truly experienced.

I don't know what lacking something feels like. I don't really know what true hunger looks like. When on a Good Friday, traditionally a day of fasting and abstinence, I cease to munch on food all day, I painfully realise that my "hunger" is nothing compared to what other people endure on daily basis. It also makes me realise how little I need to live on. Instead of fancy meals and regular snacks, it's perfectly sufficient to just have a simple piece of bread and vegetables.

This seems to be the point of fasting. Not so much to feel a lack of something, but to realise the abundance that we already have. Every day I feel so blessed. I can read, I can write, I can go and buy anything I want, there's clean water in my taps, a full fridge and shelves filled with books. I am loved and respected. I have more than most of the world's population.

God, let me always be thankful for what I have. Let me always remember that I've been particularly blessed. Let me make good use of what I have. 

From a bookshelf: Boundaries

"No."

"I disagree."

"I will not."

"I choose not to."

"Stop that."

"It hurts."

"It's wrong."

"It's bad."

I don't really use these that much in my life, though I should.

I'm currently reading "Boundaries" by Dr Henry Cloud & Dr John Townsend. This truly has been a God-send, especially that it turned out that the book is written from a Christian perspective (didn't expect it at all), full of Bible references, so nothing could make me happier.

The book has really helped me to understand more about myself. I try to be helpful to everyone and sometimes I just go overboard, forgetting that I am also an individual who needs my own space. It's ok to say no. I can still be a good Christian when I keep my boundaries. In fact, I'm supposed to have boundaries: Above everything else guard your heart, because from it flow the springs of life (Prov 4:23). And yet, it is very difficult, I don't want to hurt people, or make them feel like they are unwanted.

But it turns out that by setting proper boundaries can actually enhance relationships because it turns dependence and sort of servitude into a relationship of love. And also be helpful to people who depend on other's lack of boundaries. Facing the consequences of your conduct is part of an adult life and sometimes being "charitable" is just a smokescreen for taking responsibility off some else's shoulders.

So there are two strands to the boundary problem. First, establishing my own boundaries. Second, making sure I'm not being exploited by others' lack of boundaries.

This is a work in progress, but I've definitely taken something from the book already. And I wholeheartedly recommend you to have a read. It's quite eye-opening. 

"God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference."

Keep going.

My word, it's 80 days until exams and I cannot see the end of revision. I thought I would be a moan about the amount of work I need to do, but this wouldn't be particularly productive, so instead, with a more positive attitude, here are things that I am actually looking forward to.

PMJ concert: This is the highlight of the term for me. I love Scott Bradlee and his music, and having seen PMJ concert in Amsterdam last year, I just want to see them again and again. Funnily enough sometimes I know PMJ versions better than the originals. Modern culture awareness level 0.

Going home: another two weeks and I'll go home and rest. The plan is not to take any work with me (or just a minimum of it, ARSIWA Commentary will not read itself) and just be with my family, bake ridiculous amounts of cake and rest. Rest, rest, rest.

Someone special visiting: hopefully this will work out (all in His hands, there's a contingent of people praying for it now, so I'm (we're?) in good hands).

Easter Triduum: and the party afterwards. It's just such a joyful time after the Saturday liturgy. People think it's crazy to literally spend three days in church, but you need to experience it yourself to understand. It's just beautiful.

All the Teach First events next month: I have a meeting in London at the beginning of April and then another one in Portsmouth later in that month. Exciting opportunities to meet people who are as passionate about education as I am and also what to make a change in this world.

There's actually quite a few things to keep me going for the next couple of months. Life's good now. And there is cake in the house. What else would you want on a Sunday afternoon?