From a bookshelf: Boundaries

"No."

"I disagree."

"I will not."

"I choose not to."

"Stop that."

"It hurts."

"It's wrong."

"It's bad."

I don't really use these that much in my life, though I should.

I'm currently reading "Boundaries" by Dr Henry Cloud & Dr John Townsend. This truly has been a God-send, especially that it turned out that the book is written from a Christian perspective (didn't expect it at all), full of Bible references, so nothing could make me happier.

The book has really helped me to understand more about myself. I try to be helpful to everyone and sometimes I just go overboard, forgetting that I am also an individual who needs my own space. It's ok to say no. I can still be a good Christian when I keep my boundaries. In fact, I'm supposed to have boundaries: Above everything else guard your heart, because from it flow the springs of life (Prov 4:23). And yet, it is very difficult, I don't want to hurt people, or make them feel like they are unwanted.

But it turns out that by setting proper boundaries can actually enhance relationships because it turns dependence and sort of servitude into a relationship of love. And also be helpful to people who depend on other's lack of boundaries. Facing the consequences of your conduct is part of an adult life and sometimes being "charitable" is just a smokescreen for taking responsibility off some else's shoulders.

So there are two strands to the boundary problem. First, establishing my own boundaries. Second, making sure I'm not being exploited by others' lack of boundaries.

This is a work in progress, but I've definitely taken something from the book already. And I wholeheartedly recommend you to have a read. It's quite eye-opening. 

"God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference."