Oasis in a loud world.

This post is inspired by ‘Quiet. The power of introverts in the world that can’t stop talking’ by Susan Cain. I came across this book while reading ‘The Good Lawyer’ and it’s been eye-opening and encouraging. Read it if you’re and introvert who finds it hard to interact with this loud world. Or if you an extrovert who wants to understand introverts better.

I always felt a bit inadequate in social interactions. I'm not the most talkative type, so in a class group of almost 40 I felt overwhelmed and not being able to contribute even a sentence to a conversation with people throwing words out of their mouths with a speed of light. What made it worse was that they often talked nonsense wasting everybody’s time. Being really to  the point, my classroom contributions were restricted to meaningful things which were not pointed out by others yet. Unnecessary repetition was nonsense too.

Being outspoken and sociable seemed to be a standard which was unattainable for me. And it was hard, because being quite is a part of me, so overcoming it would go against my very nature. Yes being more expressive looked like the only way to get somewhere in this life. Form leaders were extroverts. School divas were extroverts. Everyone who has become a 'somebody' was an extrovert.

And I definitely wasn't.

But feeling inadequate evolved into feeling empowered by the way I am.

I’ve learnt that quiet persistence, instead of being an attention-seeking chatterbox, can pay off and can be noticed and appreciated by others. This world is loud and an oasis of calm and quiet is in such a discord with it, that you stand out. Even though people often perceive it in a negative way (‘Why wouldn’t you say something, you’re so antisocial’), it can be a strength in many situations. In tough negotiations you don’t lose your cool when emotions are flying around the room. When there is conflict you don’t add to the fire, but think logically and seek a compromise. You spot others’ needs because you’re a careful listener and observer. People do appreciate it a lot, because you become a refuge from the noise of everyday life. And you can be a fantastic professional who will be able to work well independently and under pressure.

I’m not saying that extroverts cannot do all these things, but rather that it appears to be easier for introverts. And mind that it is not a zero-one system: there is continuous scale going from introvert to extrovert and you can be anywhere on this spectrum.

At this point in life, I stopped feeling guilty for not going out and being bad at small talk. I prefer meet up with a friend for a cup of tea and have a meaningful conversation. It’s ok that I’m the quiet one in the group since often my quiet work keeps the group moving. Public speaking might not be my biggest strength, but I will fight for what I believe in. 
  
Still my way of spending free time deviates largely from what most of people around me consider a norm, but it's ok. After my exam I was asked whether I celebrated, as if the first thing you should do after an exam marathon was getting a drink  and heading to a party. I don't know about you, but after multiple exams the first things I want to do is to change into my comfy pants, put on my dressing gown and sit down with a cup of tea. Definitely not to meet people and drink. I feel very lucky that Captain America doesn’t drag me to all these parties that he goes to and understands that there is only so much social interaction that I can take.

Being an oasis in this loud world is not easy, but once you realise that you're good enough just the way you are, you'll enjoy being an introvert. In fact I think this is the best thing in the world!