Night trains.

This mode of transport is one of my favourite. If you try to cover long distances, planes are usually the best, given how quickly a flight gets you from place to place. Since planes are not really my cup of tea, instead of wasting a day travelling on train, I hop onto a night train, get myself comfy on my sleeping place, and before I know it I reach my destination the next morning.

There are downsides to such travelling of course. For instance, sometimes it’s difficult to get to sleep on a train, even if you can lie down. You wouldn’t have thought that a piece of steel can make so many different noises. And move in so many directions! When I was little I used to sleep like a log on our long holiday train rides to the seaside. Now it becomes progressively worse, and I wake up multiple times during the night. There is also a problem of co-travellers. This is not always a problem, but admittedly sharing a small space with a bunch of strangers doesn’t count among most pleasant parts of the journey. Especially when you have to deal with snoring, whining children and the like. And earplugs don’t always do the job. Finally, travelling by train remains a costly pleasure. Even bought in advance, long-distance night trains will cost you around €50 one way in a couchette carriage for six. And prices go up if you want more privacy or even your own toilette or a shower. There's also the problem of delays. On my inbound journey we had a delay of over 3 hours which we spent in Emmerich (again! there some sort of train Bermuda triangle there) waiting for our power supply to get repaired. Not ideal really when you cannot wait to get home.

I know for some this remains a mystery: why would you spend so much money on a 10h long journey while you could have taken an 1.5h long flight for 20 pound both ways? But there's something special about train travel. You feel that you travel when you're on a train more than when you fly. And you stay on the ground. This is a major advantage.

Are you going back?

I often get asked whether I plan to go back to Poland and my answers started in the past with 'yes, of course', then changed into 'maybe, I'd like to at some point', and gradually evolved into 'no, thank you.'

During those five years I've lost any sense of guilt about my alleged lack of patriotism. I simply don't want to go back to Poland. Recently I had a conversation that really encapsulated the reason why I, and many Polish expats around the world, don't want to come back. It's not so much about the money. Admittedly, you can earn more in the UK or Germany than in Poland. But what is more important is that in Poland you feel like the government is against you as a citizen all the time. And this is extremely discouraging. Imaging going to any governmental office, knowing for a fact that people sitting behind the desk don't want to help you, but want to make your life as difficult as possible. I'm so worked up now, that when I need to get in touch with any governmental offices, I look up the relevant piece of legislation to make sure my case is dealt with fairly and according to the law. It might seem paranoid, but if you don't know your rights you have none. It's sad, but this is how I see it.

After a right-wing candidate won presidential elections, those who voted for him were called stupid, and those on the losing side instantly declared that they would leave the country. I felt offended as a citizen, because for one thing, the president is supposed to represent the entire nation, and secondly, you shouldn't question somebody's mental abilities according to whether he agrees with you or not. Democracy works as it works, and you need to deal with it.

So I'm not coming back any time soon. Unless things change. And they might, because, as this election showed, people are ready to make unexpected and brave choices. In the mean time, I'll keep voting for people who might do something good for Poland.

Too much work. Or too little?

I was repeatedly told that I would have no work during my year abroad. However I was actually kept pretty busy for at least a good chunk of my time in Leiden. And it's only today that I've realised why.

It's not so much that Oxford's workload is so heavy that compared to it my year abroad workload is nothing. At the end of the day across this year I managed to do 11 courses, for all of which I had to read textbooks, cases, articles, write an odd assignment, and pass an exam at the end.

The real issue here is that Oxford workload is crammed into three eight-week long terms and here there are two semesters spanning over eight-nine months. So there's simply more time and the work can be distributed. This year, instead of panicking if I can get through all the assigned reading AND produce some sensible work, I could just plan ahead giving myself enough time for each task, not rushing through it. I simply don't have this comfort at Oxford at all. I need to meet all the deadlines, rush through excessive reading lists and somehow fit in attending lectures and tutorials around all this work. It's no fun quite frankly.

This has probably been the best part of my year abroad. Having time to do work. And other things beside it. I'll miss it in October for sure.

Never as easy as you predict aka Joys of travelling.

It was supposed to be so easy and comfortable. But it never turns out this way.

Obviously something had to happen to my nice and straightforward trip to Munich on a night train from Amsterdam. Obviously. And it obviously did. The Germans decided to go on strike on the very day of my journey. It happens, I had to deal with multiple travel strikes in my life. So after checking my travel options, I’ve cycled to Leiden Centraal in hope that they would be able to help me rebook my travel. They weren’t. Leiden cannot deal with international travel at all. The lady at the service desk kindly sent me to Den Haag. It was just past 11am at this point.

So, with not much choice now, I’ve cycled back home, and no one has ever seen me cycling this fast on an empty stomach. Within less than 30 minutes I managed to: attempt to reach the NS International Customer Service 3 times (no response), pack myself for the week (although packing is a bit of an exaggeration, since it was pretty much just throwing random pieces of clothing, cosmetics and an extra pair of shoes into a suitcase) and unload the washing machine and hang all the wet clothes on a drying rack. I think it’s pretty impressive for 30 minutes.

Then I raced back to the station, with a suspiciously heavy suitcase tucked into my front basket, and caught the first available train to Den Haag. It was 12:02 when I got there.

Of course the ticket service place was crowded with people trying to sort out their journey, thankfully, thought by my entire Dutch experience of queuing, I did acquire a number ticket, which probably speeded things up a bit. The lady at this service desk made a funny face when I showed her my ticket. Presumably I wasn’t the first one enquiring into the German strike situation. After a series of data input operation and a call to someone more competent, I’ve finally got my rebooked ticket. Well, I didn’t actually get a new tickets, instead I got a beautiful blue sticker with a lot of German on it and some scribbles. I was a bit unsure how legitimate such a solution was, but decided to have faith in the competence of the service desk lady.

With my revised ticket in my hand, I caught the first possible train to Utrecht Centraal. Apparently this is the biggest and busiest station in the Netherlands and indeed there was a lot of people running around. With over two hours to spare, I had to organise snacks for the eight-hour journey and some lunch since at this point I could no longer ignore the rambling of my stomach. I’ve had some ready-made AH sushi, which I wouldn’t recommend. It was filling, but you’d probably be better off splashing out on some proper sushi. Not as if I had my choice being rather unkeen on leaving the station and potentially getting lost in Utrecht.

Finally, at 15:02 I boarded the ICE train which was supposed to take me to Dusseldorf. But it didn’t. Somewhere around the Dutch-German border we managed to hit a car. After over an hour of waiting we were assured that the driver was fine. As much as I appreciate the fact that the train I was on did not kill anyone, at that point I was already late for my next connection train and would appreciate some information about the length of the delay, but the only thing we were told was that ‘the waiting time is yet unknown’.

It turned out that our train was unfit for continuing the rest of the journey, so we managed to very slowly roll to Emmerich, which is a small German village in the middle of nowhere, and change trains. At 18:42 I made it to Duisburg. From there, another train (it turned out that the change was completely unnecessary, although this particular train seemed to be going much faster) to Dusseldorf.

At 19:27 I happily sat down on a train to Munich. Or so I thought. When the ticket controller came  round it turned out that I’m on a wrong coach. That part of the train only ran to Stuttgart. And no, it wasn’t possible to simply walked over, I had to wait until we get to Cologne and then get off the train and back on onto the next coach. To be honest I was pretty lucky that the man came over at this time and told me that I was in a wrong place, otherwise I would have ended up in Stuttgart, not knowing that I wouldn’t be going any further.

00:27, finally there. Without any surprises. At a certain point I honestly thought that I would not make it to Munich, I simply had enough of all these train problems. Hopefully when I’ll be getting back next week it won’t be so complicated. But you never know with me. I tend to attract weird chains of events. Just to keep me entertained at all times.

Leader? No thank you.

Anne Applebaum commented on this article in her tweet:

It appears that the pressure of the press is making it unbearable for many to be in the spotlight and lead political parties (and other influential organisations for that matter). Some comments below the article suggested, that if you don't have anything to hide, you wouldn't mind. But the thing is, even if you're crystal clear, you don't want to have photographers camping outside your house, your work and your granny's retirement home, waiting to snap a picture. And you just want to do your job. It's difficult to do your job when you're followed all the time, even after hours. Normal life becomes impossible and it influences every aspect of your existence.

But I think that being tracked down by the press is just one aspect of why talented people avoid leadership roles. In many aspects of life, you're simply better off putting your enthusiasm into practice, rather than being whipped into the bureaucracy of leadership. As a leader you might be visible, but your influence might be limited. Working directly with people who need your help is more rewarding for one thing, and also often more effective. Maybe it doesn't pay much money, but I think we become increasingly aware that being trapped in a rat race doesn't bring happiness and there are greater things to be achieved beyond a large number on your payslip.

Would I like to be a leader one day? I used to think I would, but more and more I feel like I just want to do something worthwhile. Without the pressure, without being in a spotlight, without guarding my every move. People say they want to have an exciting life and make a difference, but often making a difference means doing small good things. We do need leaders. But we also need morepeople dedicating their time to really changing the world.

Good Ol' Apple Pie.

Who doesn't like a good old apple pie? Dutch cuisine is not the most elaborate one (mashed potatoes and cabbage seem to be two most important ingredients), but I do like Dutch apple pie. In Amsterdam there is a cafe called Winkel 43, where they serve probably the best apple pie in the city. However, making a 40 minute train trip to Amsterdam every time you feel like having a piece of an apple pie might not be the most cost-effective way to deal with your sweet tooth. Alas!

Thankfully, making an apple pie is dead simple. Here is a recipe which I used to make mine this time. I've made it in a lasagne dish 22cm x 17cm, halving all the amounts from a recipe for 22cm round cake tin.

INGREDIENTS

Pastry

150g flour + extra for dusting

60g caster sugar

salt

100g chilled butter + extra for greasing

1 egg yolk

Apple filling

1/4cupbutter

1.5 tbls flour

1/8 cup water
1/3 cup white sugar
1/4 cup packed brown sugar

3-4 firm apples (Elsar, Jona Gold), peeled and sliced
handful of raisins (optional)

2 tsp cinnamon

METHOD

1. Combine flour, sugar and a pinch of salt. Dice butter and mix into the floor using a knife to cut butter into smaller pieces. Add egg yolk and knead everything together. Press 2/3 of the pastry into a bottom and sides of a 24cm spring form greased with butter. Refrigerate the form and remaining dough while you make the apple filling.

2. Preheat the over to 220C.

3. Melt butter in a pan. Add flour to make paste. Then add water, white sugar and brown sugar, bring to boil and then turn down the heat and simmer for a couple of minutes.

4. Combine apples, raisins and cinnamon. Mix with half of flour mixture. Spread over the pastry base.

5. Roll out the rest of the pastry and cut into 1 cm strips. Arrange a criss-cross pattern on the top of the apple mixture, pressing the pastry edges together. Slowly pour the rest of the

6. Bake for 15 minutes, then turn down the heat to 175C and bake for another 35-45 minutes until apples are soft. Let cool down so that the filling sets.

I think that my apple pie looks rather grand.

Enjoy!

Oasis in a loud world.

This post is inspired by ‘Quiet. The power of introverts in the world that can’t stop talking’ by Susan Cain. I came across this book while reading ‘The Good Lawyer’ and it’s been eye-opening and encouraging. Read it if you’re and introvert who finds it hard to interact with this loud world. Or if you an extrovert who wants to understand introverts better.

I always felt a bit inadequate in social interactions. I'm not the most talkative type, so in a class group of almost 40 I felt overwhelmed and not being able to contribute even a sentence to a conversation with people throwing words out of their mouths with a speed of light. What made it worse was that they often talked nonsense wasting everybody’s time. Being really to  the point, my classroom contributions were restricted to meaningful things which were not pointed out by others yet. Unnecessary repetition was nonsense too.

Being outspoken and sociable seemed to be a standard which was unattainable for me. And it was hard, because being quite is a part of me, so overcoming it would go against my very nature. Yes being more expressive looked like the only way to get somewhere in this life. Form leaders were extroverts. School divas were extroverts. Everyone who has become a 'somebody' was an extrovert.

And I definitely wasn't.

But feeling inadequate evolved into feeling empowered by the way I am.

I’ve learnt that quiet persistence, instead of being an attention-seeking chatterbox, can pay off and can be noticed and appreciated by others. This world is loud and an oasis of calm and quiet is in such a discord with it, that you stand out. Even though people often perceive it in a negative way (‘Why wouldn’t you say something, you’re so antisocial’), it can be a strength in many situations. In tough negotiations you don’t lose your cool when emotions are flying around the room. When there is conflict you don’t add to the fire, but think logically and seek a compromise. You spot others’ needs because you’re a careful listener and observer. People do appreciate it a lot, because you become a refuge from the noise of everyday life. And you can be a fantastic professional who will be able to work well independently and under pressure.

I’m not saying that extroverts cannot do all these things, but rather that it appears to be easier for introverts. And mind that it is not a zero-one system: there is continuous scale going from introvert to extrovert and you can be anywhere on this spectrum.

At this point in life, I stopped feeling guilty for not going out and being bad at small talk. I prefer meet up with a friend for a cup of tea and have a meaningful conversation. It’s ok that I’m the quiet one in the group since often my quiet work keeps the group moving. Public speaking might not be my biggest strength, but I will fight for what I believe in. 
  
Still my way of spending free time deviates largely from what most of people around me consider a norm, but it's ok. After my exam I was asked whether I celebrated, as if the first thing you should do after an exam marathon was getting a drink  and heading to a party. I don't know about you, but after multiple exams the first things I want to do is to change into my comfy pants, put on my dressing gown and sit down with a cup of tea. Definitely not to meet people and drink. I feel very lucky that Captain America doesn’t drag me to all these parties that he goes to and understands that there is only so much social interaction that I can take.

Being an oasis in this loud world is not easy, but once you realise that you're good enough just the way you are, you'll enjoy being an introvert. In fact I think this is the best thing in the world!