Sunday Special: Crap Catholic

One of the girls at school did not fail to point out that I'm a rather crap Catholic.

I did not like what she'd said, she was rather right. I gossip, skip daily prayers, get terribly bored and annoyed during Mass, I've been sleeping with guys, getting drunk far too much, I'm sometimes 'economical with the truth', not to say lie, I so often just can't be bothered to care about others and leave to 'someone else' to be good and charitable and generally I haven't been someone to loom up to at all. 

Yet I cling to God. I'm fully aware of everything that is dark and dirty inside of me. But without even a pinch of belief, what would become of me? If I don't have any hope of a little spark of light that is hidden inside of me, I may well give up on working on myself. Heaven can wait... right? 

Peter rejected Jesus three times within a couple of hours. The apostles fun away and hid without any hope, disappointed that Jesus who called himself Messiah was gone. Thomas refused to believe that Jesus was risen. Paul has been going round killing Christians. I have a good company here on my way to heaven. These people weren't better than I am. They were all crap Catholics, so to say. But God has blessed them and given them all that they needed.

So what is the moral of this post? Obviously, you cannot say that you're just the way you are and there's no way to become better. I sometimes think that. I think "my word, there is no way I'm getting out of this mess now." But watch out - "Look, I am making the whole creation new. Write this, "What I am saying is trustworthy and will come true" (Rev 21:5). God makes everything new. He takes me as I am, as bad as I am as a Catholic and gives courage and strength to get closer to Him.

I know I'll fall a thousand times (knowing myself it'll probably be more like a billion, but hey ho). But I also know that what matters more is my willingness to stand up and carry on walking towards the Lord.

Psalm 130

 Out of the depths I cry to you, Lord;
Lord, hear my voice.
Let your ears be attentive
  to my cry for mercy.

 If you, Lord, kept a record of sins,  
Lord, who could stand?
But with you there is forgiveness,  
so that we can, with reverence, serve you.

 I wait for the Lord, my whole being waits,  
and in his word I put my hope.
I wait for the Lord
  more than watchmen wait for the morning,  
more than watchmen wait for the morning.7
 Israel, put your hope in the Lord,  

for with the Lord is unfailing love
    and with him is full redemption.
 He himself will redeem Israel  
from all their sins.