Love your body

I've written a post about caring about my body in the context of Christianity, but I would like to briefly return to this topic following a wonderful discussion we've had last night at women's group meeting. We have more people than I've anticipated and I'm so glad that it went so well. So here are a few strands of thought from yesterday.

1. One of the girls coming to the meetings is a medic. She said something that really struck me. She said that by being train to be a doctor, and later being an actual doctor, you get to touch human bodies in completely asexual way. Our bodies gives us this incredible opportunity to feel things and other human bodies, but when we think about 'touching', it usually has some sex-connotations of one sort or another. I thought that this was the major flaw in our society. We look on our bodies as sexual objects. I myself so often end up being occupied with whether I look good in this or that dress, whether my cheeks are rosy enough, whether these shoes help my legs look longer and whether this top is not revealing too much. Everything spins around the idea of attractiveness and 'sexy'. But I don't really think much about my body as simply 'my body.' As this extraordinary device that makes it possible for me to go through life and do all these incredible things.I don't need to waste time putting makeup on, dressing  up, doing my hair, etc, because this is not what my body is for. I can do so much more useful things with it.

2. Sometimes I would like to do something physical, like run a marathon or go climbing, or something of that sort. But my body does not want to do what my mind wants it to do. It gets sore after even minor physical activity. Or is just to tired. Anyway my mind does not seem to match my body. But maybe the problem is that mind cannot dominate body. Mind and body are one, and body cannot be suppressed by what is going on in my head. Body enables me to carry out the intentions of the mind, but what use would mind have without the body? I've come to realise how important the balance between the two is a couple of months ago when severe headaches started to interfere with my studies. The doctor only told me to go swimming regularly. And guess what, it helped. Spending hours and hours studying led to neglecting the needs of my body and it was not happy about it at all. Now I can proclaim this truth - your mind is not an obstacle that prevents you from doing what you want. You need to listen to your body more: it knows what it's doing.

3. I've asked the girls to think about one word to describe their bodies. I was firstly glad that they haven't used words such as 'disgusting', 'ugly', 'could be improved' and so forth. But one of them said a word that I've also thought about when I was thinking about my body. This word was mine. My body is mine and this is as accurate a description as it can get. Bodies are so often subject to public criticism that it's so important to remember that ultimately they are ours, not anyone else's. Mine.

Yes, it was a fruitful discussion. I love how we come together and discuss what is important to us: young, attractive, ambitious women who really do want to make a difference. And you start making a difference by changing yourself - your attitudes and thinking. I've learnt so much from all these women coming to the meetings. I value myself much more and can appreciate others more as well.

Full-time job

Today we celebrate Mother's Day in Poland and this is a special post - a tribute to my mum who has given all her life to us.

I still remember when last year I was talking to my law friends about what we might want to do if we don't become lawyers. I said that I wouldn't be a stay-at-home mother (SAHM) to which my friend replied: "You are a disgrace to women!"

Research has shown that if women were to be paid for their work at home, they would need to be paid a six-digit figure ($130,000) a year. And this is only with one child. SAHMs do so much. They are nurses, tutors,cooks, chauffeurs, cleaners, and so on. But as mothers are not paid, it's invisible labour. Priceless yet unpaid.

When I hear people saying that staying at home with children (whether it is a woman or a man doing it) is a waste of time/career opportunities/talents, my blood boils inside of me. Do you mean that this work is of no value?

Such comments drive me absolutely crazy, because it's seems like becoming a SAHM is a wrong choice. But, for goodness sake, we live in a society where everyone is supposed to make their own choices. If mine happens to be staying at home with my little children and giving all my time to them, why should anyone despise me for this? This is some kind of modern paranoia.

I hate the fact that the world makes me feel that if I choose to be a SAHM, I would miss out on something in life. I wouldn't. Indeed, I would get so much more.

My mum stopped working when my younger brother was born, even though she was damn good at what she was doing at the time and she was really sought-after in the profession. I don't think she missed out on her life. She seems rather happy about her experience.

Here, there is an interesting article about how hard it might be to stay at home with children. Not because of a financial strain on the family, lost career opportunities or anything of that sort. Because of the contempt that women so often experience, sadly also from other women.

Desire

Life is about desire. Otherwise you're just a tourist passing by.

Have you ever thought about what keeps you going? What really makes you wake up in the morning, get through the day and carry on working in the evening? What is your desire?

I've been having a ridiculously busy time recently, with looming deadlines, plentiful meetings, lectures, and ever expanding reading lists. But I keep going! Today is the first day of week 5 and I still have enough strength to wake up each, go for a swim twice a week, occasionally bake a cake and see friends. I feel like I'm really waiting for the next day to come. I mean, I do enjoy here and now, but the thought of whatever needs to be done tomorrow does not keep me awake at night.

I'm definitely not a tourist merely passing through this life. Life is too beautiful not to appreciate every moment, not to have some sort of desire to follow. Intense emotions, living to the full, laughing, loving, enjoying the world and the people - this is important. Otherwise, what's the point?

La belle epoque!

Ready to take on the night!

Last night I went to my first ever ball at Oxford.

It was at Kingston Bagpuize, 20 minutes outside of the city. The location was amazingly beautiful, the only downfall was the temperature- it was really cold throughout the night, so I'm really glad I bought a furry shrug, otherwise I would probably turn into an ice cube.

I really enjoyed the preparation time- doing my hair, putting makeup on, painting my nails and all other girly stuff. I usually don't have enough time to spend, literally, hours, getting ready. Usually I'm quick- tights on, skirt on, brush my hair and off I go. 

Yesterday, since I was all too excited to study, I could take as much time as I wanted to get ready.

The entertainment featured a ferris wheel (whoo hoo!) and dodgems (hurt my knee because I sat next to a terribly irresponsible driver, though this was all part of the fun). Oh, and there were silent films shown in a tent gracefully called 'the chill tent'! This was great, as at that stage I couldn't really take dance music anymore- plus, this tent was so warm!

6 hours of partying is a lot. By midnight I was already zoning out a bit, so we left at 2 am. The night was definitely fun. Something completely different from anything that I've experienced so far. There was decent food (crepes especially good!), decent drinks (at least we did not run out as some balls do) and the music was alright. Ferris wheel was definitely the highlight of the night (honestly, ferris wheel is always the highlight, it was so even in Brussels). Plus 50 points to entertainment for meeting random friends who we didn't expect to see at this ball at all.

I'm off to catch up on sleep. Despite staying in bed until early afternoon, I can still feel the remains of last night's decadence in my body. Time to get back to real life now.

Sunday Special: Crap Catholic

One of the girls at school did not fail to point out that I'm a rather crap Catholic.

I did not like what she'd said, she was rather right. I gossip, skip daily prayers, get terribly bored and annoyed during Mass, I've been sleeping with guys, getting drunk far too much, I'm sometimes 'economical with the truth', not to say lie, I so often just can't be bothered to care about others and leave to 'someone else' to be good and charitable and generally I haven't been someone to loom up to at all. 

Yet I cling to God. I'm fully aware of everything that is dark and dirty inside of me. But without even a pinch of belief, what would become of me? If I don't have any hope of a little spark of light that is hidden inside of me, I may well give up on working on myself. Heaven can wait... right? 

Peter rejected Jesus three times within a couple of hours. The apostles fun away and hid without any hope, disappointed that Jesus who called himself Messiah was gone. Thomas refused to believe that Jesus was risen. Paul has been going round killing Christians. I have a good company here on my way to heaven. These people weren't better than I am. They were all crap Catholics, so to say. But God has blessed them and given them all that they needed.

So what is the moral of this post? Obviously, you cannot say that you're just the way you are and there's no way to become better. I sometimes think that. I think "my word, there is no way I'm getting out of this mess now." But watch out - "Look, I am making the whole creation new. Write this, "What I am saying is trustworthy and will come true" (Rev 21:5). God makes everything new. He takes me as I am, as bad as I am as a Catholic and gives courage and strength to get closer to Him.

I know I'll fall a thousand times (knowing myself it'll probably be more like a billion, but hey ho). But I also know that what matters more is my willingness to stand up and carry on walking towards the Lord.

Psalm 130

 Out of the depths I cry to you, Lord;
Lord, hear my voice.
Let your ears be attentive
  to my cry for mercy.

 If you, Lord, kept a record of sins,  
Lord, who could stand?
But with you there is forgiveness,  
so that we can, with reverence, serve you.

 I wait for the Lord, my whole being waits,  
and in his word I put my hope.
I wait for the Lord
  more than watchmen wait for the morning,  
more than watchmen wait for the morning.7
 Israel, put your hope in the Lord,  

for with the Lord is unfailing love
    and with him is full redemption.
 He himself will redeem Israel  
from all their sins.

Good start (with a law book under my arm)

It seems that I've only just arrived in Oxford on a Thursday night in week 0, but today I've woken up on Thursday week 1. It's quite terrifying how time passes here. During this short time I've managed to sort out a lot of little bit and bobs and I've dived straight into work.

"I already hate Land Law" texted me my friend last night, but I have to say that I take great pleasure in it. It's technical and requires going through legislation. I'm terribly good at it, I'm a sort of a person who goes to the doctor's with full knowledge of patient's rights and related laws, just in case someone would be brave enough to try not to let me exercise what I'm supposed to be able to exercise. This comes quite handy, especially when you deal with people who think they know more about how to do stuff. Oh no, no, no.

It's quite funny how easy everything becomes when you have a relevant bit of law at hand. Whether it is collecting your blood test results or booking driving test- shuffle an Act of Parliament on the table and all of a sudden all of the obstacles that have been placed in front of you just disappear. Miraculous! It's actually quite sad as well, because most of the people, quite frankly, cannot be bothered to check their rights (probably this is why we need legal professionals). And all the official can then continue to ignore the regulations and carry on as they wish.

Anyway, this is a good start of term. The law is not too overwhelming, the weather, contrary to the forecasts, is bearable, and I'm full of energy (probably because I started to care about my body as much as I care about my brain). What more could you want?