... And why it's alright.
Quite frankly it takes me ages to write an essay. And this is why.
When I finally get through the pile of weekly reading, I embark upon the process of making an essay plan. This is not an easy process. First you have to understand the question. Then you generate more related questions. Halfway through, I'm already lost. After a day I regain my independence and recommence writing the plan. It's fantastic- intelligent, the problem is taken from a completely different angle and with some witty comments.
But to simply start writing the essay at this point would be too easy. Tea needs to be drunk. Friends visited. Oh, and I might reply to all these emails that are fairly urgent, yet remain flagged in my inbox.
Then someone pops in. We eat chocolate, chat about how much work we are yet to do and another hour or so is gone. It's midnight already. I rush to my laptop and fervently type another 200 words or so. Then the tiredness hits my and thus the fervour of typing goes considerably down. But I carry on. Make another cup of tea. And another. I eat some more chocolate and feel guilty, so do 100 crunches 1300 words into my essay. After exercise my brain decides to perform some of its functions for another half an hour or so, so I continue to write.
Around 1:30 am or 2 am I'm finally done. The conclusion of the essay makes little sense if any, but at this time in the morning the only thing that I can care about is to take a shower and crawl under my duvet.
Thankfully this appalling working pattern does not repeat itself week after week. Most of the weeks I'm just fine, sleeping properly etc. But sometimes something gets terribly wrong. But at the end of the day, I get my work done, more or less on time. And so I learn to be gently with myself. I don't need to be the first one to submit my essay. I may even be the last one, it's fine. As long as I do what I'm supposed to do, I'm fine. This is quite a comforting thought.
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